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parental rage

By Shellbot ·
does anyone else have these type of issues with an ex-spouse??? or am i th eonly one that got hooked up with a nut case??

long history..but my 14 year old daughter now lives with me in Ireland after living with her father for several years in canada.
next thursday her and i are going to canada, i going to my parents, she going to his place. untill last night that was..when she recieved an email form her father and step mother.

the line that really makes your heart melt is this one ( written by the step mom)

"I have taken a break from anything that has to do with you. When I talk to you I am not talking to the girl I raised and taught, the one I loved as my own, that child died a good three months ago and I have no idea who this stranger is or whether I am capable of getting to know them or not, or if I want to."

Nice thing to say to a 14 year old girl who has had a lot thrown at her in her little life..all because she got a bit homesick before xmas and told them she was thinking of moving back in feb, they got all excited and pushed her on it and when she said no, she was just a bit upset at xmas, and she did not want to move back..they got all upset..
I am about I more nerve away from actually denying contact for a while..if we actually lived in Canada, I'd slap a restraining order on them two headcases..because in my books, that is emotional and psychological abuse, pure and simple.

she now refuses to go see him at all, nad anyways
I'm not letting her go to that mental house for 11 days with no protection. she can come to my parents and if he wants to see her, he can drive up himself and spend a couple days with her with me not too far away.

Ughh..i'm so disgusted..utterly and thouroughly disgusted that a father could think that that type of carry on is ok and in his words "they meant it as a slap in the face to get her to grow up and take responsibility and to make her realize how her actions affect others.." so..in their sick twisted minds they think this is going to make her feel sorry for them and come running back to them..thats what I think..
Sad sad people..

i chatted with him for 2 hours on phone last night and got no where..
this is not the first time they have doen this type of stuff..i have several pages of emails they have sent to her, and they have now crossed the line too many times!

question is..what do i say to my daughter?

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True..

by maecuff In reply to When your hurt

It doesn't mean you don't WANT to protect them, though. There isn't anything harder than watching your children struggle.

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sorry to hear about that

by jck In reply to parental rage

I got a sister like that.

My niece got married in June...and literally within 3 weeks, my sister moved off...and wants nothing to do with her. Won't help her or anything...and my niece is 17.

My sister always used my niece as a tool to get things.

I often wonder if I'm adopted.

Short way to say it: your daughter is better off with you anyways. Ireland is a great place. Just make sure that you reinforce that she's not responsible for who her father is and she determines her own actions and future, not her genetics.

My niece often tried to blame herself for how her mother behaved...took me months to convince her she had nothing to do with how stupid her mother is.

Sounds like your ex is the same way...what sociological psychology calls the "pig parent".

Just love your daughter...and don't let him around her unless it's with you and other good family around. That way if he talks crap, you and others can stomp out the wildfire.

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I will never understand

by maecuff In reply to parental rage

how some parents can be such worthless losers.

My son was rejected by his father at a young age, not quite as harsh, but rejection is painful no matter what.

My sisters and I suffered quite a bit of verbal abuse from our father growing up. It does hurt. As long as she knows she is valuable and wanted and loved, she'll be okay.

You can't stop her from being hurt by this, and it will probably hurt you as much as it hurts her. However, as long as she has a good support system, she can learn from it. It's a hard lesson, but it's one that can't be avoided. The most important thing is to help her not give in to bitterness, which means you'll have to do the same. It takes a monumental effort.

If all else fails, I'll let you borrow my baseball bat after I take care of my son's teacher. :)

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To add to all of the wonderful replies above, I'd add:

by Mickster269 In reply to parental rage

There is the possiblity that something good will come of this. Namely, that your daughter will know what NOT to say to her child. She will know how words can hurt people, even more than sticks and stones. They leave long, lasting emotional nicks and welts on our psyche.

Some of the best lessons I learned from my mom's husbands are how not to raise my son. I have never said one bad word about his mother. I have learned that Dads can be crueler in thier sarcastic remarks and insults than any classmate can.

Not everything I learned from my dads were negative. I've also learned from them that a simple walk around the block with your dad can be the best time in the world. I've learned how a word of praise can make a kid's whole day.

I feel for your daughter- it's tough enough being a teenager without any other emotional slings and arrows. But we can hope she learns from this, and grows stronger because of it.

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thanks

by Shellbot In reply to parental rage

thanks for the support guys, i was hoping over the weekend we would worked through it a bit, but no such luck.

Her father and stepmom have sent her several "explanetary" emails. She refuses to respond to them and they are getting angry at that now. I've tried to reason with them, but they are sticking to thier guns and are actually reaffirming thier behaviour.

I was told yesterday, by the stepmom, that this is how they "deal with her and keep her in line and control her actions" and that after she calms down she will realise that this is the norm back there with them. SO i was like, you actaully admit that you use emotional/pshycological assault and abuse to keep her under your CONTROL ? Frightening..they think this is acceptable and actaully have sent numerous pages of email prove that their reaction was acceptable..

I called them on a few inconsistancies in thier story, and they then change the details slightly.

So at this stage, the reason they have freaked out is because over the past few months..and even longer, they feel she is pulling away form them and she doesn't communicate with them as good as she did last year..with thier attitude, i wonder why..

i tried to reason logicaly with them, but they won't budge..i'm going to need a lend of that baseball bat mae..(just joking)

aaagggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"no tv and no beer make Homer go something something"

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Well

by maecuff In reply to thanks

Violence never solves anything. But it IS nice to fantasize..

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