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People who bring in odorous know who you are

By Why Me Worry? ·
Even though this thread is not technology related, I would like to know the weirdest and stinkiest things that people you work with have brought in to work and ended up stinking up the office with. On my floor, there is one woman who eats the same damned thing every day. I don't know what it is but it smells like month old fish in curry sauce. The really worst part about it is when she heats it up in the microwave and the smell spreads throughout the entire floor, making everyone sick and nausious. I once had to go outside because my eyes starting burning, I started to feel sick to my stomach, and came close to vomiting all over my cubicle. I know HR has policies about certain things, but why don't they have policies on bringing fish and other stinky foods to the office? god forbid we have a client or vendor come in and the place smells like a fish market or some Indian restaurant with the smell of curry permeating the air..lord help us!

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by neilb@uk In reply to How can you tell an Essex ...

Another classic!

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I leaned that one..

by Montgomery Gator In reply to Excellent!

..during my 6 month sojurn in London in 1990. I also learned to enjoy Fullers Pride London Ale at the same time.

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What do you call an Essex girl with two brain cells ?

by Hockeyist In reply to How can you tell an Essex ...


How did Essex girls end up the but of bad jokes?

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by neilb@uk In reply to What do you call an Essex ...

This will probably get me shot by any Essex boys who read this but I don't think that there's many computers in Essex so I'll risk it. It's all stereotyping and, although we aren't supposed to do it in these PC times, not all prejudice is wrong and sterotyping is not all incorrect!

Essex has some soulless "New Towns" created after WWII to house bombed-out East Londoners and "natural" bits of East London, Dagenham, Ilford, etc are also pretty grim places when compared to the rest of London. The county borders the north side of the Thames Estuary so it is all mud flats until you get to Southend. Southend is a typical English "working class" sea-side town and is beyond description. I would use Essex for storing nuclear waste.

Essex boys are characterised by Escort XR3i cars with spoilers and loud stereo systems. Their girls are characterised by tight jeans and white stiletto-heeled shoes. Most of them are a horrible wannabe-Londoner species called "Mockney", from "Mock Cockney" whose accent is characterised by the inability to pronounce final "G" or initial "H" in any word and usually involves missing out as many consonants as you can get away with and then some. "Fit it" becomes "fi' i", losing its "Ts".

An Essex phrase such as "Yew 'avvin a larf?" or " Wachew lukkin a' moi bird for?" translates easily but "aba'a'i" may give you more trouble.



p.s. I live "Sarf of The Rivvah" so I am prejudiced.

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Neil, didn't understand half of that

by jdclyde In reply to What do you call an Essex ...

but I find it rather amusing anyways.

I guess if you keep up the "what it means to be English" lessons, I will eventually pick it up. Keep them coming! (just no more talk about blood and lard pudding please)

You have to forgive me because you know how slow some of us Americans can be....

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Glossary for JD

by neilb@uk In reply to What do you call an Essex ...

Essex. An English county to the East of London bordering the Thames Estuary. Famous for, well, nothing. Except Thomas Cromwell (regicide), Matthew Hopkins (Witchfinder General) and **** Turpin (highwayman).

Essex Girl. The original butt of English "blonde" jokes. Modern equivalent, Chavette (same animal, different label. Not relevant to this glossary but a whole new underclass for us English to deal with).

Butt. Target - from bouter (Fr), to strike. Possibly the source of the American butt = Arse as we're told you're all into sado-masochism.

Essex Boy. Late teens to early twenties inhabitant of the less nice (are there any "nice" bits?) bits of Essex. Employed as - if employed - builder, plasterer, etc. Hobbies are getting drunk, driving fast and shagging Essex Girls. All three together if they can manage it.

Dagenham and Ilford. Suburbs of London. Not far enough out to be country and not far enough in to be really "London". Dagenham is famous for making most of Ford's deisel engines. Iford is famous for, um, um...

Mud flats. Flat and made of mud. The Thames is NOT a nice river to the East of London and, as the tide is about 20 ft, there is a LOT of mud at low tide.

Southend. Um. Can't really describe it. Disney, it is NOT. Google it - but gently as there may be culture shock!

Escort XR3i. Ford motor popular with Essex boys about ten years ago. Also, Ford RS2000. Made in Dagenham before they stopped making cars. Fast, for our roads. "Ullo, John. Gotta nu mo'ta?" Good morning, my friend. I see that you are in posession of a new automobile. Is it yours? "Yeh! Cracka inni'?" Yes, it is. Rather nice, wouldn't you agree? Note: The apostrophe following inni signifies a glottal stop - basically you "swallow" the missing "T".

White stiletto-heeled shoes. Characteristic footwear of Essex Girls. Spike-heel would be an American equivalent if you don't have stilettos. White - well, I mean??

Mockney. Nothing much to add. I try to avoid them.

Mockey-speak. Has introduced the glottal stop into the English language. "Yew 'avvin a larf?" Excuse me, but are you in some way attempting to make fun of me? " Wachew lukkin a' moi bird for?" Excuse me, but you seem to be taking an inordinate interest in my lady friend. Are your intentions honourable? "aba'a'i" About that high. This phrase holds the record for the greatest number of consonants removed from a single sentence and has two glottal stops inserted. Bring on the nuclear waste. A fitting punishment for what they are doing to my language.

Sarf of The River. London is bisected by the Thames with about 60% to the North and the remainder to the South. Most of the touristy stuff, government offices and expensive areas is to the North. They also have Essex so I suppose it balances. I am fortunate enough to live to the South - about ten miles out - so I speak better and my knuckles do not drag along the ground when I walk.


Edit to add smiley to show that I'm kidding!

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Neil, you'll have to show us your knuckles.

by deepsand In reply to What do you call an Essex ...

Sorry chap. Trust, but verify; that sort of stuff.

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When unions get involved things get crazy...

by Hockeyist In reply to People who bring in odoro ...

...such as what happened in Sydney, you get paid extra for having to smell other peoples food.
About 20 years ago Sydney underwent a lot of development work so unions had a field day holding employers to ransom...
"...The then Building Workers Industrial Union was able to use the project agreement to enforce on all subcontractors on the site not only a no ticket, no start provision, but also all the crazy requirements that the BWIU was then running rampant with, including a Chinese meal allowance because workers had to deal with the aroma of cooking from Chinatown and were therefore entitled to an allowance to compensate them for smelling the food.
Another allowance was the gazing allowance - which they sought and obtained - because the workers objected to people watching them work..."

Don't believe it? Then check it out here

I can definately see a need for the gazing allowance for desktop repair techs.

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Only if you're showing your butt crack!!!

by sleepin'dawg In reply to When unions get involved ...

:^O and then only those who have to see it.

Dawg ]:)

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Butt is ok if plugged?

by deepsand In reply to Only if you're showing yo ...

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