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The I Got Bored Of Waiting YUK

By Steffi28 ·
Tags: Off Topic
Couldnt wait any longer for someone to make a YUK, I need to laugh so I thought i might as well make it myself. Heres my first imput - Funny and Useful

Best Excuses if you get caught sleeping at your desk....

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper. "

"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !"

"I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

"Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.

"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"

"Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

"The coffee machine is broke...."

"Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

"Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

"Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

"Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands"

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I'm too good to give diamonds as a gift

by DMambo In reply to Or the NEW saying goes

I just KNOW that my wife wouldn't want diamonds as a gift, what with all the violence they cause. She's too nice to be party to that. I also wouldn't want to insult her by making it seem like I'm trying to buy her affection with gaudy baubles.

Nope, I KNOW my wife wouldn't want diamonds. I don't even have to ask her about it.

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And much more importantly

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to I'm too good to give diam ...

If we kill off the Diamond for jewelry there will be so many more available at cheaper prices for scientific purposes. Hell why not kill off the entire jewelry trade and have vast amounts of platinum available for scientific purposes as well and that non corroding substance known as Gold available for electronic part manufacture.

YEP I agree totally with you put these to the best uses possible and make things that we really need cheaper instead of having such wasteful prates used by hanging this stuff off the necks, ears and fingers of VAIN WOMEN!

Col

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Personally...

by Inkling In reply to Or the NEW saying goes

I like the "other" one:

"Diamonds, she'll pretty much have to..."

=)

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the best part of a BJ

by jdclyde In reply to Personally...

is the ten minutes of silence...... :0

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for a while

by dryflies In reply to Or the NEW saying goes

Diamonds, That'll shut'er up -- for a while.
Ron-White.

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another PS announcement

by heml0ck In reply to Instead of a joke, I am c ...

Dear Friends and Relatives:

I have the distinguished honor of being named to the committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument to George W. Bush. I am contacting you in hopes you will be willing to contribute to this noble cause. But first, a little about what the committee has been doing to date.

We originally wanted to put him on Mount Rushmore until we discovered that there was not enough room for two more faces. We then decided to erect a statue of George in the Washington, DC Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Richard Nixon, who never told the truth, since George could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Republican of all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, decimated the well-being of the majority of the population while he was there, and did it all on someone else's money.

Thank you.
George W. Bush Monument Committee

P. S. The Committee has raised $1.35 so far. So please be generous.

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another PMS announcement

by jdclyde In reply to Instead of a joke, I am c ...

And being to cheerful when you didn't take the time to make sure their was an ample supply of Mydol in the cabinet at work is a known hazard.
<br><br>
Never ask <b>certain</b> people if they might be just a LITTLE bit to OLD to sit on Santa's lap, nor should you EVER point out that Santa is younger!
<br><br>
Never give a woman a DUST PAN for Christmas. They just won't appreciate the effort you went though for them! "Go ahead baby! Pick something up!" <br><br>
<img src="http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g92/jdclyde/BlackEye.png">
<br>

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definitely not PC

by heml0ck In reply to The I Got Bored Of Waitin ...

Air Traffic Control...Southern Style

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air **1 You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised "

Atlanta ATC "Tower to Iran Air 515 -- You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. Allah is Great "

Pause: Static.............

Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"

Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air **1?"

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN
OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE. INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE.

Atlanta ATC: Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- ya hear?

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yay for a work laugh

by melfinatheblue In reply to definitely not PC

lol. Of course, hearing y'all is rare these days. Sigh, damn yankees.
*Wanders off to find a joke to add to the list*

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Okay, here's a few tests

by maecuff In reply to The I Got Bored Of Waitin ...

http://similarminds.com/othertests.html

My classic movie is 'Schindler's List' and my leadership style is Saddam Hussein. I didn't think I was THAT bad. I guess that explains why my employees are outside toppling the statue of me that I had outside the department..

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