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Thursday and Friday Yuk

By rdeane ·
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Seeing as most of us may have tomorrow off i thought i would take this opportunity to start the weekend off right. Also seeing as everyone is under the assumption that i dont contribute i thought this would break the ice nicely. Here we go ladies and gentlemen....

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."
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One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.
Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?''

''No, I guess not,'' says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?''

To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''

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A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber??

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him" she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the **** do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?
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Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."
The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and tells them what happened, and his dad agrees, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as **** isn't good enough for you!"

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Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls say, ''Don't... Stop...'' Bad girls say, ''Don't Stop...''

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106 total posts (Page 3 of 11)   Prev   01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05   Next
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WOW!!!

by w2ktechman In reply to OMG!!

You spent more on drinks up to '99 than I have my entire life!

I personally rated at .04 Ferrari's

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But was he saying that he stopped at 1999 or started?

by daveo2000 In reply to WOW!!!
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Still, he drank me under the table, filing cabinets,

by w2ktechman In reply to WOW!!!

second floor, etc.
I mostly do not drink anymore. I might have an occasional drink, but that is it. Getting drunk is for the teens.

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That was STOPPED

by dspeacock In reply to WOW!!!

in 1999. And that that even includes a period of 3 years when I was totally on the wagon after I got out of the army.

My problem was I saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry"........and for a bunch of years, I tried just that

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LOL -- Drink Canada Dry

by w2ktechman In reply to WOW!!!
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Oh Master,

by dryflies In reply to OMG!!

Tell me the secret of your success

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Well Grasshopper

by dspeacock In reply to Oh Master,

You must be young, foolish, have a job that almost encourages drinking, and a kidney the size of Long Island.

A full wallet, and no steady female companion to spend your money for you doesn't hurt either

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I'm Chelsea Clinton

by Steffi28 In reply to small contribution

but I can only afford 0.08 ferraris, having only consumed 2080 looks like I got a lot of drinking to do to catch up!!

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Well since I am at .04

by w2ktechman In reply to I'm Chelsea Clinton

we can chip in together and get a few hundred kegs and be drunk for some time....

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give it time steffi

by dryflies In reply to I'm Chelsea Clinton

Us old farts have a couple of decades on you.

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