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Thursday and Friday Yuk

By rdeane ·
Tags: Off Topic
Seeing as most of us may have tomorrow off i thought i would take this opportunity to start the weekend off right. Also seeing as everyone is under the assumption that i dont contribute i thought this would break the ice nicely. Here we go ladies and gentlemen....

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.
Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ''Are you really going to let him get away with this?''

''No, I guess not,'' says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, '' Why did you let him do that?''

To this God says, ''Who's he going to tell?''


A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr.Plumber??

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor, "Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"

"What do I look like, Mr.Goodwrench?" was his response. Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof was gone! Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything." "Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband. "No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him" she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband. "Cake? What the **** do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."
The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and tells them what happened, and his dad agrees, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as **** isn't good enough for you!"


Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.
Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.
Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better.
Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls.
Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed.
Good girls say, ''Don't... Stop...'' Bad girls say, ''Don't Stop...''

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I don't know about that

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to give it time steffi

Shelly worked out Steffi's age and came up with a value of 12 years old so I think that Steffi is doing very well to get through that much booze.

Admittedly Shelly claims to have failed dismally at maths and that her answer may be incorrect but I think that's just an excuse for Steffi's bad behaviour. :^0

Col ]:)

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What bad behavior?

by dryflies In reply to I don't know about that

The only bad behavior I can think of is the batmobile episode with her, shell, and GG. and to me, that's good behavior, I still haven't quite gotten past that visual. I just love my imagination :-)
by the time she's my age she could be near to a full ferrari. and you, a $5 bar tab? you should be ashamed to be so pure.

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I think

by Steffi28 In reply to What bad behavior?

I should be pretty much near a full ferrari now to be honest as that only includes how much I go out, which is not as often as I stay in with a bottle of Baileys and a bar of chocolate, ahh sounds like a plan Good job the shops are open tommorrow now you all know what I'l be doing tommorrow night

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Actually it's worse than that. :_|

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to What bad behavior?

I was mistaken about the Acid thing as when I did a goggle search it said LSD which silly me thought stood for Limited Slip Diff not a drug so my bar tab was $0.00. X-(

The entire thing was rigged I tell you and it's not Fair!

Col ]:)

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by Shellbot In reply to What bad behavior?

still thinking about the batmobile..?

Any other cars that get you goin??


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Yes but.....

by Steffi28 In reply to I don't know about that

Shell had written it down back to front, if you ask her in 6 weeks time she'll know my right age then as I'm 22 in 6 weeks theres no way she can get that the wrong way around!

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Want to make a bet on that?

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Yes but.....

After all she is in Ireland isn't she?

That black syrup has already rotted her brain as she admitted to me that she would argue with a GPS programed to tell you how to get where you want to go in the shortest distance possible. I rest my case Your Honour. :^0

Col ]:)

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Ahh yes but

by Steffi28 In reply to Want to make a bet on tha ...

Shes Canadian which (or so ive heard) are slightly less thicker than the Oirish

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Steffi have you seen any of Shelli's posts recently? :0

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Want to make a bet on tha ...

She gone Feral as that black muck that she claims to love has totally destroyed her mind so instead of Grey Matter she now has Polluted Black Sludge like all the rest of the Irish. It's not that the Irish are thick from birth it's their National Drink that causes all the damage.

Col ]:)

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by Shellbot In reply to Yes but.....

this is why my ears were burning the other day..
talking about me behind my back!!! :)

Yes Col..i suck maths
Steff..Canadians can be just as thick as the Oirish..some even more so (go stay with my family for a week..i had to have been adopted!!)

I just can't be @rsed to think anymore..actually been working flat out this week..(yesy yes..i know..its a change isn't it)

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