Community

General discussion

Locked

thursday yuk

By Jaqui ·
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old
white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't."

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's...just working away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' " He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said,"A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?'"

This conversation is currently closed to new comments.

Thread display: Collapse - | Expand +

All Comments

Collapse -

If I remember correctly {Grovel grovel}

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Continuing the theme....

You did point out that you had only lost your temper once in the last 26 years but I seem to remember you saying something that those that where around you are still are living in constant fear of their lives and that they warn everyone that you come into contact with just to be on the safe side.

Luckily Transportation has long been stopped so there is no chance of you ending up on this side of the world if it happens again. :^O

So I'm safe.

Col ]:)

Collapse -

a couplet

by BHunsinger In reply to thursday yuk

When the weather's hot and Sticky
Thats no time for dunking Dicky
When the frost is on the pumpkin
Thats the time for Dicky Dunkin"

Collapse -

here another good joke for u all

by Rolloverman In reply to thursday yuk

the sweet new bride


>> > > A newlywed couple had only been married for
two
>> > > weeks. The husband,
>> > > although very much in love, couldn't wait to go
out
>> > > on the town and party
>> > > with his old buddies So, he said to his new
wife,
>> > > "Honey, I'll be right back." Where are you
going,
>> > > coochy cooh?" asked the
>> > > wife.
>> > >
>> > > "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going
to
>> > > have a beer."
>> > >
>> > > The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She
>> > > opened the door to the
>> > > refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds
of
>> > > beer, brands
>> > > from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland,
>> > > Japan, India, etc.
>> > >
>> > > The husband didn't know what to do, and the
only
>> > > thing that he could
>> > > think of saying was, "Yes, lollypopbut at the
>> > > bar.you know.They have
>> > > frozen glasses.."
>> > >
>> > > He didn't get to finish the sentence, because
the
>> > > wife interrupted him
>> > > by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy
face?"
>> > > She took a huge
>> > > beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that
she was
>> > > getting chills just
>> > > holding it.
>> > >
>> > > The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes,
>> > > tootsie roll, but at the
>> > > bar they have those neat little snacks &hors
>> > > d'ouevres that are really
>> > > delicious won't be long, I'll be right back.
I
>> > > promise.
>> > >
>> > > OK? "You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?"
She
>> > > opened the oven and
>> > > took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres:

>> > > chicken wings, pigs in
>> > > the blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

>> > >
>> > > "But my sweet honey. at the bar.you
know.there's
>> > > swearing, dirty
>> > > words and all that.."
>> > >
>> > > "You want dirty words, cutie pie.? "Listen
up,
>> > > dickhead! Drink your
>> > > ******* beer in your goddamn frozen mug and
eat
>> > > your ******* snacks,
>> > > because you are married now, and you aren't
going
>> > > anywhere! Got it,
>> > > asshole?"
>> > >
>> > > And they lived happily ever after. Isn't that
a
>> > > sweet story?

Related Discussions

Related Forums