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Thursday Yuk Yuk (my turn)

By jdclyde ·
Sorry folks, but it has just been that kind of day.
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A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.


"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative ma'am just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955 ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."


(Don't yah love military time?!)

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I've barely scratched the surface.

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Erm ..

There are loads more and BTW, while you were in the land of nod, dreaming erotic dreams, it was Friday where I am.


Dawg ]:)

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Tut tut

by stargazerr In reply to I've barely scratched the ...

The TR server says it was still thursday ....


And yes, I say that like that settles the matter ]:)

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Ah but you are sadly mistaken as you would realize................

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Tut tut

if you were sufficiently aware of all the prerogatives and priviledges attached to those of us who have passed through the full initiation rites of The Loyal Order of the Duck you would realize that we, who are of such exalted stature, don't care what some silly assed contrivance on the west coast of the US says as regards time. As it is, right now those surrounding the contrivance are probably still asleep and haven't even had breakfast yet whereas WE have finished our dinner and are assiduously working the whisky decanter over, to a fare-thee-well. You on the other hand should have just recently finished your lunch and should be applying yourself to your work and be dreaming fond thoughts of finishing your initiation rites. I do hope GG, in her role as High Priestess, is properly supervising your progress and instruction so that you may soon join those of us who have acquired this lofty position of superiority. Best wishes on your progress and as homework you can try to figure out where I am from my telling you that I am eight frigging hours ahead of you, as I type this, although my normal position on this little blue marble, spinning through space, would place me five hours behind you. Cheers!!! :^O
BTW you can pass on a message to GG for me; beware of bears in the afternoon.

Dawg ]:)

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I did that?

by jdclyde In reply to Thursday Yuk Yuk (my turn ...

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"

"Yes," the golfer responded.

"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"

"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.

"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"

The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...

"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

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THE BALLOONIST

by thefrown In reply to I did that?

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where
I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in IT," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you
to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

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An Tech, doctor, and pastor golfing

by jdclyde In reply to Thursday Yuk Yuk (my turn ...

An Tech, doctor, and pastor golfing
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Tech: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. [dramatic pause] Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Tech: Why can't these guys play at night?

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Golfing with an older man

by jdclyde In reply to Thursday Yuk Yuk (my turn ...

Golfing with an older man

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."


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can anyone guess what is on my mind today????

jd

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Playing around, perchance???

by gadgetgirl In reply to Golfing with an older man
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in every way possible

by jdclyde In reply to Playing around, perchance ...

so if that is a DE or a triple E, the answer is still yes......

suppose to be up to 60 F tomorrow! Got to get the irons out!

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oh.

by gadgetgirl In reply to in every way possible

your "club" doesn't work when it's cold, then???



GG

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