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Yuk Friday

By Wizard-09 ·
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One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."

His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.

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Best pole dance I've seen in years!

by NickNielsen In reply to Poledance...

Of course, I would never go anyplace where there would be a pole dance, anyway. 0:-)

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grinding on the pole and everything.....

by jdclyde In reply to Best pole dance I've seen ...

moved better than some of the cows I have seen in the local club!

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Beer, beer and more beer

by Jacky Howe In reply to Yuk Friday
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My sneaking suspicion

by boxfiddler Moderator In reply to Beer, beer and more beer

that American imagination is on the wane has just been confirmed. :0
:^0 :^0 :^0

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Not wrong Narelle

by Jacky Howe In reply to My sneaking suspicion

Graeme Connors Great Australian Dream

The Great Australian Dream
Words and Music: Graeme Connors

I turned west in search of something I?d never seen before
The kind of Vision Splendid Banjo saw
With a fresh roll in my camera and an eye for things unique
I left my mobile phone at home and went outback for a week

I stood beneath the Tree of Knowledge let my imagination run
Way back to the Great Shearers Strike of ?**
And as I quietly contemplated all that tragic history
A tour bus full of kids from the city pulled up in front of me

And it?s baseball caps on backwards like they wear ?em in L.A.
Coca Cola, Nike shoes and Oakley shades
Here in the middle of the Heartland I feel I?m caught between
Beverley Hills 90210 and the Great Australian Dream

Thought I?d try a new direction down the Barcoo headed south
To the town built ?round the Black Stump and Jacky Howe
But it was back on course next morning to the Stockman?s Hall of Fame
Where I traced the steps of the pioneers and ran into those kids again
With baseball caps on backwards like they wear ?em in L.A.
Coca Cola Nike shoes and Oakley shades
In the midst of myth and legend again I?m caught between
Beverley Hills 90210 and the Great Australian Dream

Instrumental...
I set out to find the spirit the inspiration for John Flynn
Walked the streets where Fysh and McGuiness gave the Kangaroo its wings
But each time I thought I?d found it what makes us who we are
That bus pulls up beside me and the kids get out - yeah the kids get out

And it?s baseball caps on backwards like they wear ?em in L.A.
Coca Cola Nike shoes and Oakley shades
So I figure there?s an answer somewhere in between
Beverley Hills 90210 and the Great Australian Dream

Copyright 1995 The Panama Music Company Pty. Ltd.


http://www.graemeconnors.com//Album%20Sites/The-Here-And-Now/Lyrics/02.The%20Great%20Australian%20Dream.pdf

Intro to the song and tabs and chords can be found by a Google.
http://www.graemeconnors.com/cd7.htm

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I'm surprised

by SJMcD In reply to Beer, beer and more beer

Jacky,

I'm surprised. I thought the only beverage that was known in Bundaberg was Rum :). Although I did notice that number 2 was for Rum, unfortunately they cut the ending off with the bear in the control tower, which I thought was an important part of the ad

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Don't be surprised

by Jacky Howe In reply to I'm surprised

beer is a lot cheaper than Bundy Rum up here and I can get Bundy Rum cheaper in Canberra.

Here is a good one.

http://www.bundabergrum.com.au/bundy-bear.htm

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I blame the pollies

by SJMcD In reply to Don't be surprised

Damn pollies get Bundy Rum cheaper than you !! I think the pollies get it too easy. :)

Love the commercials.

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Gotta agree

by Jacky Howe In reply to I blame the pollies

on both counts.

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