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Friday Yuk

By Shellbot ·
Tags: Off Topic
Ok people..its Friday..for those of us in Eire..its a long weekend..you UK folks the same??
Have a great one everyone..think of me while doing so..Dr has ordered me to do nothing, eat nothing nice or drink nothing nice..so i'm sh@gged..well..not....ah never mind
<br><br>
<b>Jamaican Baby</b><br>
A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar,
announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical
Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds." <br>

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many
exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy
pains.

Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say,
you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at
birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."

The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20
pounds at birth?"

The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer,
wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and
said, "Had him circumcised.

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How about a few more beer/drinking jokes

by DadsPad In reply to Friday Yuk

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants"
The pirate replies "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts"

---------------------------------

What does a drunk walrus have in common with a woman at a tupperware party?

A: They're both out looking for a tight seal.

------------------------------

An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.

The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye, and said, "I've some bad news for you.
You have cancer, and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live."

O'Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. O'Malley said, "Well son, we Irish
celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer, and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."

After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."

The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers.

After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad. I though you said that you were dying from cancer??? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"

O'Malley said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."


--------------------------------

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving all over the road. Eventually a cop pulls him over.

"Did you know," says the cop, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

----------------------------

The Lone Ranger comes into town during the hottest part of summer. He stops outside a bar and tells Tonto to run in circles around Silver his horse, waving his poncho to keep a nice breeze on Silver while he goes in to have a drink drink. A couple of minutes later a man dressed in black swaggers into the bar and says "You the Lone Ranger?" "Yes, I am" the Lone Ranger replies. "Oh," says the man dressed in black, "Did ya know ya left your injun runnin?"

:) :^0

That's it, I am leaving for the day.

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Excellent!!! :^0 :^0 :^0

by The Scummy One In reply to How about a few more beer ...

I hadnt heard a few of those before. I liked the cancer/aids one. That was good thinking!

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Geez Guys..

by Shellbot In reply to Friday Yuk

way to take a Yuk and make it all serious..
so much for looking forward to a good laugh when i got into work this morning.....now I'll just have to go to work on my evil plan to annoy my employers..
if i get fired, its yer fault for getting me in a bad mood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
]:)

*no tv and no beer make homer go something something...*

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Would you like some cheeze with that, madame?

by Absolutely In reply to Geez Guys..

It is no longer last Friday. You are not the only person who just endured Monday. Why should the rest of us not have been in a crappy mood, just like you?



*all whining and no jokes of his own make Shellbot a smelly hypocrite*

I don't care who ya are, that there was funny.

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most definately..

by Shellbot In reply to Would you like some cheez ...

well, ye can be in a cr@ppy mood but keep the p!ssing contest out of the Yuk.

Thats a place for laughter and smiles..not you lads having a go at each other..

oh two points:
I did not endure Monday, it was a long weekend here ]:) ..this Tuesday business is a real drag though :)

Secondly, I'm a woman!

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I believe you.

by Absolutely In reply to most definately..

"Secondly, I'm a woman!"

I believe some other members of the impure brigade have questioned that, but since you said it on the Internet, now I know it is true.



However, a less credulous person might start to wonder at the use of the word "drag" adjacent to the claim that you're a woman!

Shellbot:
"oh two points:
I did not endure Monday, it was a long weekend here ]:) ..this Tuesday business is a real drag though :)

Secondly, I'm a woman!"

:^0

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Only you, Absolutely

by Tig2 In reply to I believe you.

I saw that not until your post.

Work takes an evil toll...

Shell's all woman. Takes a woman to know for sure...

How do I get an "evil" emoticon???

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OK just for you Tig the Emotions are here.

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Only you, Absolutely
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As if you don't know!

by Absolutely In reply to Only you, Absolutely

[pre]]:)[/pre]
=
]:)

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I'm offended...

by Shellbot In reply to I believe you.

typical man..ignore me for ages, and then when you do give me some attention, its not the kind i want ]:)

:)

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