I received several emails from peers after my spotlight, thanking me for baring my soul, so to speak, in addition to letting me know that I was not alone.
A long time friend of mine, one with whom I once shared an addiction, has recently killed herself.
In light of both of the above, I find myself in need of speaking to addiction, particularly with a view to recovery.
My friend has been in and out of recovery for as many years as I have been recovering. What is the difference between us? Why am I still clean, and why is she now dead in her addiction? Several things come plainly to mind.
I recover daily. She thought recovery a one-time thing.
I see, and accept, ?reality? for what it is, too often painful and unfair. Further, somehow, somewhen, I acquired the necessary tools for adequately dealing with pain and unfairness, both that which life dishes out in the now, and that which I carry/carried as baggage. The brief note she left informs me that she did not.
For anyone in recovery who reads this, learn to recover daily. Recognize and accept that once addicted, we are addicted until death. Recognize, and accept that ?reality? is far from fair, and often painful. It is also delicious in its other moments. See that, too. Savor the delicious moments. Give yourself something to lean on in moments of overbearing pain and weakness. If you haven?t the necessary tools for managing pain and baggage, do what you need to do, find who you need to find, go where you need to go to find and implement them in your life.
Do not engage in this particular battle alone, as my friend did ? in spite of those who loved her, and shared her pain. Find shoulders, others who recover daily with whom to fellowship.
The above is wholly inadequate to how I feel. Hopefully, it is help to someone, somewhere.
RIP, my friend.
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