How about this (toungue firmly in cheek but based upon real situations I've been in, screwed up myself or seen):
1. Build metrics that actually have nothing to do with importance or relevance to the strategy or objective:
We were encouraged to use the paper recycling bin. As always with these things, most people did it most of the time.
The boss decided it wasn't enough, and thus had his PA measure daily recycling performance, graph them meticulously and random attacks on individual waste bins to find how many pages could have been saved.
Of course the reaction was to do less recycling 'cos the random searches were just too much fun.
2. Spending or saving - god where do I start? I remember getting slammed in an internal review by my staff for not buying a new, big allsinging-alldancing printer, but happily taking clients out on huge $uck-off lunches.
(ha ha - got around that one by regularly inviting at least one staff member. Open Communications are good but bribery always gets results).
3. Hiring Freezes. IBM, classic. Hiring freeze on personnel and consultancy but no real examination on expenditure.
Got our consultant on a critical project to register a new business name to change from 'xyz consulting' to 'xyz services'. Never had a phone call once from accounting to find out what it was about.
4. Bonuses.
Now the trick here is to not actually confirm the bonus structure until after the end of the activity or end of the time period. Ever had that happen?
Or like M'soft in Australia where a friend works: gets hired into a pretty good job with the promise of the potential massive year-end bonus. Really good - six-figure stuff just for the bonus.
Performs brilliantly, as does the entire company. At bonus calc time, gets informed that the bonuses for ALL STAFF are actually put on a performance bell curve, and individuals then get their statistically calculated percentile band according to the entire company.
Net result is one person made 100% of bonus, one person made $0, and most in the 40% - 60% band, when the ENTIRE company blitzed every number imaginable.
5. IT blocked from going up?
Well that's the way it should be too. Seen and not heard. And let's face it, the less seen the better normally. What is it with those beards?
(Insert smiley thing with kevlar helmet on).