hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Have you any ham?
Yes, we have ham...

CUSTOMER. L.O.
WAITER. L.O.
CUSTOMER. R.U.B.C.
WAITER. S.V.R.B.C.

(Enter WAITRESS carrying a large ham on a silver salver.)

WAITRESS. L.O.
WAITER. L.O.
CUSTOMER. L.O.
WAITRESS. L.O.

(Exit WAITRESS into kitchen.)
CUSTOMER. F.U.N.E.X.
WAITER. S.V.F.X.
CUSTOMER. F.U.N.E.M.
WAITER. 9.
CUSTOMER. I.F.C.D.M.
WAITER. (insistently) V.F.N.10.E.M.

(Enter WAITRESS from kitchen still carrying the ham.)
WAITRESS. A. V.F.M.
CUSTOMER. R.
WAITER. O.
WAITRESS. C. D.M. (Exit WAITRESS into kitchen.)
WAITER. O.S. V.F.M.
CUSTOMER. O.K. M.N.X.
WAITER. M.N.X. (He writes it in his pad.)
CUSTOMER. F.U.N.E.T.
WAITER. 1 T.
CUSTOMER. 1 T.
WAITER. O.K. M.X.N.T. (He finishes writing it in his pad with a flourish and calls at the kitchen door.) M.X.N.T.4.1.

(Enter WAITRESS from kitchen.)
WAITRESS. V.F.N.10.E.X.
CUSTOMER. U.Z.U.F.X.
WAITER. Y.F.N.U.N.E.X.
WAITRESS. (sheepishly) I.F.E.10.M.
WAITER. S.I.L.L.Y. C.O.W. (Exit WAITER.)

p.s. This is a Brit sketch so Z is ZED!

:D