starting over: new to IT

Where do I start? Everyone I talk to in the the field seems to have an opinion. Start with A+. Get the MCSE. Go for Oracle DBA! Start working as an intern. My head is spinning. I want to enter into the field ( networking or programming) but I don’t know where to start. I want to get a certification that will get me working the fastest. I’m thinking about the MCSD or Oracle DBA but not sure if I need experience first. Every Tech school seems to think that I will be able to get into the job market with the certification alone. If I go for the Oracle DBA, will I be able to get a job when I receive my certification? Help please!