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by tony hopkinson 2 views

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I'm on a training course soon on how to interview people for technical positions given by HR

This will make sure I'm aware that I can't ask stupid questions like
What colour are you ?
When are you going to become pregnant?
How old are you ?

That aside, this seems to be a great opportunity to have one or three digs at the bane of our existence.

Please note I'm not allowed to call them names, so any insults must be very polite. ]:)

Also it doesn't matter if they don't understand how insulting I'm being. :D

20 replies

by oz_media

What an opportunity. Don't forget to wear your Coke bottle glasses with tape in the middle, I think the pocket protector and Star Trek phaser keychain are standard.

Play dumb as a bag of hammers, tell them that it's no wonder they are hired for this job, you had no idea the amount of psychological knowledge it took.
Whenever they offer you instruction, try and find an analogy to relate it to from a SciFi, ie: "Just like when Han solo was frozen in carbonite!" or "Do you mean a guy with no positive values, like Darth Vader?" or when it comes to descrimination, you can suggest, "You mean like, you can't say the company doesn't hire Cylons because they only have one eye?"

Have fun, no need to name names, 'THEY' or 'THEM' will be appropriate if posted in this thread.

by dmambo

To make it even more obscure, just make up the sci-fi references, eg. - If they state that you're not allowed to ask an applicant's age, say something like "Hell-lo! Do you think I just walked off the planet Tyylonn from Higgenbothem's fourth novel in the 'Red Sun of Gorgon' series? I mean, c'mon!!"

You can also try to ask questions related to the most technical areas as possible. "Does this applicant need to know (fill in the toughest reference yo ucan think of)?"

Enjoy the day off!! And ask for more donuts several times.

by bigbigboss

Actually, I won't try to make these people mad if I were you. But you can still have some fun.

They will conduct some mock up interviews with you playing the part of the interviewer. Ask them some question that will make them feel really stupid or quite embarrassing. Like "What was your worse experience in .... ", or "How did you fix an impossible problem ?"..

by tony hopkinson

Question Number 1

Given you have a HR background in what way are you qualified to judge a candidate's technical ability in IT?
]:)

by onbliss

We are judging the candidate's ability to work in our organisation. We leave it to the IT department to judge the candidate's technical abilities.

by gadgetgirl

I'm still having a persistently consistent run in with HR for various reasons; this [i] may [/i] just colour this a tad....

(I know you understand the Geordie knack of understatement....)

My recent shots at them include asking questions over and over again...

"What do the current Employement Laws state about that? What section does that refer to? Are you sure that's not in The Human Rights Act 2000, too? Which of the Acts takes precedent?"

Oh, I hope I'm annoying them intensely, that's the aim of the game right now.

Polite insults? To HR? They'd go way over their heads. Be as subtle as a brick - that'll work.

One question that is almost guaranteed to flummox HR staff: Can I ask interviewees when their religious holidays are? If you need the answer, PM me, cos it's complicated!

Enjoy, Tony. I think you'll be able to come up with plenty of insults on your own, btw!

GG

Edit: of course, you know to do the old Joe Pasquale one, don't you? Just hum "I know a song that will get on your nerves, get on your nerves....." Gets to someone in the room every time...

Only remembered it cos my boss has just done it to ME! :p

by techexec2

It's good that Human Resources exists to employ people whose only qualification is that they are.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, work in HR.

by gsquared

If you just want to have some fun in practice interviews, ask things like: "I need to test your technical skills; How do you perform a full outer join on a check constraint in VBA?", "At what temperature do string arrays begin to decay?", "When RAIDing a hard drive, is it better to burn first and pillage later, or the other way around?"

If they won't let you get away with that, I really like the idea of making up fake Sci Fi references. Personally, I'd go with, "Yeah, just like Yoda said in Episode IX", for just about everything.

Of course, you could also use, "When Mal was 'interviewing' Jain to recruit him for Serenity, he said ...".

If you're just looking for something to insult HR with, try calling HR the "most important hyposapient function in the business". Most people won't get that one.

by jaqui

are you freaking nuts?

I would start off with something like:

"It is a known fact that HR is useless for hiring for IT, since no-one in HR has a clue as to reality in an IT department.

now that this truth is out in the open here is the postings for all IT positions. any changes means that HR has fucked up royally and will be shot on site."

then give them a realistic general IT department job ad.

" all applications are to be given to the IT department for short listing and interveiwing.

HR is not allowed to do anything but put the ad out and collect the responses."

edited for typo

by tony hopkinson

It's easier to teach me not to put my foot in it HR wise, than to teach them IT wise.

It's mainly that point I want to get across, their total unsuitablility to take over from us thickie techs who don't know the important bits about employing an IT bod.

They were leaving us alone , but the there's a new broom in town making waves while not rowing the boat in the same direction if you are touching base on the same hymn sheet.
:D

by jaqui

but the point needs to be driven in that they are not even qualified to short list the applicants.
[ just so you can pick those whose brag sheets* show promise from an IT veiwpoint. ]

I would ask them things like how to get the server back up, from a remote location.
[ using both a windows remote system and a unix server ]

database design for a high volume ecommerce site.

detail the steps in debugging a network failure.

script x utility in bash / perl / dos batch.

* Brag sheet, a term used in a sci-fi novel for resume. it just seems to me to be an accurate description of a resume. ]:)

by onbliss

There was a time when I used to put the date of birth in the resume. It was 15+ weird years ago. As usually happens the format was borrowed from somebody. We used to list father's name, residential address etc.

So why can't we ask age? Age discrimination, is it?

by tony hopkinson

However nor is ethnicity. Yet I've been asked mine several times in the guise of a company showing that interview/employ minorities.

It hasn't been too much of a bar for mr up to press answering truthfully.

Some of them seen to have a problem with the idea of yorkshireman as an ethnic group ;\

You can see the buggers collecting statistics on it soon. Course just like race it won't be a consideration, no never.

by nicknielsen

Companies here in the states ask your race for Federally required "statistical purposes" such as determining percentages of minority or female employees. My last few employers have collected this data on anonymous forms. If possible on such forms, I will enter "Human" on the line for race or by checking "Other" and writing it in. I've also been known to ask why there isn't a checkbox for "Human." Drives HR nuts!

by Member 25348569

and in great detail. Get them to tell you where the law applies and doesn't apply. Although it's obviously acceptable for you to diss Lancastrians out of hand, surely that sets a precedent? So can you be prejudiced against, say, the Welsh? Surely you can! Southern Jessies in general? People from Surrey who you have, at least on TR, found to be mostly troublemakers?

Not all prejudice is wrong. Discuss...

Can you discriminate against atheists? It's not a religion, is it?

Given that there's very little that you can discriminate against, you could try irrational behaviour against the short - or tall - just to see if you can get them to bite.

Enjoy your course...

Neil :D

by tony hopkinson

It's the more serious bias' I have to watch out for. People who don't like linux, think Javascript is a good OO environment, or that access is an enterprise database.

I wonder if my dislike for brown nosers is relevant? :D

by bork blatt

I know religious discrimination is wrong and all, but shouldn't the jedis be your number one hiring choice?

Those who can recite Episodes 4 to 6 word perfect from memory should surely be hired on the spot?

Special accessibility notice for those with humour related disabilities - this entire post is a joke. Any similarities to persons living or dead are purely coincidental. If your grandmother is a sith lord (lady?) there was no offence intended, OK?

by tony hopkinson

though I'd have a real problem if the company used the numbers in terms of recruitment. I find tokenism almost as offensive as racism.

I went for one job and the question was smack in the middle of the job application form they wanted me to fill out. I refused.

Fortunately my current employers aren't that stupid, even the ones from HR.

by newsplan1

Job websites -- be they for Monster, Brass Ring or a local factory -- are useless if HR does not set the online job applications to search for specific words and phrases. I've seen good applicants passed up or slotted for incorrect positions because HR did not give priority to important resume data. Word and phrase values are crucial.

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