Early Friday Yuk

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

A lady walked into a Jaguar dealership just to browse. Suddenly, she spotted the most beautiful car that she had ever seen, and walked over to inspect it. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escaped.
>
Embarrassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed and hoped a sales person didn't pop up right now. But,
as she turned back, there, standing next to her, was a salesman.
>
With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madame. How may we help
you today?"
>
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing
had appened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is
the price of this lovely vehicle?"
>
>Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say
that if ou farted simply from touching it, you are going to
sh!t when you hear the price."

Invisible Man

The psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says, "Mr. Matthews is in the waiting room asking to see you again. This time he claims he's invisible."
Without hesitation, the psychiatrist replies, "Tell him I can't see him."

---------------------------------

Take With Food

A man was suffering from impotence, so he went to see a specialist. The doctor gave him a prescription that he was to take faithfully three times a day, and always with food.
A couple of days later, the man was at a formal banquet and didn't want any of the other guests to spot and possibly identify his pink and purple capsule of medication. So, he instructed the waiter to empty the capsule into his soup, thinking he could eat his soup openly with everyone else, take his medication, and preserve his privacy all at the same time.

However, when the soup was served everyone received a bowl of it but the man, who began feeling conspicuous and angry. He confronted the waiter and asked why he hadn't been served his 'special' soup.

"Well, sir, I poured your medication into your bowl as instructed. Since then, I have been waiting for the noodles to lie down."

---------------------------------------

First Dental Visit

A shy little four-year old girl was at the dentist for her first check-up and cleaning. The hygenist attempted to strike up a conversation with her, but received no response.
After the cleaning was finished, the dentist was called in to do the final check. He, too, tried to strike up a conversation with the little girl and received no response.

"Don't you know how old you are?" the dentist asked. The little girl immediately held up four fingers.

"Oh, I see," replied the dentist, "and do you know how old that is?"

Once again, the little girl held up four fingers.

Continuing the effort to get a response, the dentist asked, "Can you talk?"

With a solemn look, the little girl replied, "Can you count, a$$hole?"

------------------------------------

Only One Complaint

After examining his seventy-five year old patient, the doctor said, "You're in remarkable shape for a man your age."
"Yes, I know," said the old gentleman. "I have only one complaint. My sex drive is too high. Is there anything you can do for that, Doc?"

"Your what?!" gasped the doctor.

"My sex drive," said the old man. "It's too high, and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."

"Lower it?!" the doctor exclaimed, still unable to believe what the seventy-five year old gentleman was saying. "Just what do you consider 'high'?"

"These days it seems like it's all in my head, Doc," said the old man, "and I'd like to have you lower it a couple of feet if you can."

-----------------------------------

Elaborate Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. There wasn't a dry eye in the audience.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.

When confronted later, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral ... I'm a gynecologist."

At that point, the proctologist fainted.

---------------------------------

Three Times A Week

An elderly woman went to the doctor for a check up. After examining her and checking her cardiovascular activity, the doctor recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week. Embarrased, the woman asked the doctor to tell her husband.
The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week.

The elderly husband replied, "OK, Doc. Which days?

"Monday, Wednesday and Friday would be ideal," replied the doctor.

"Well, I can bring her on Monday and Wednesday," the husband said, "but on Fridays, she'll have to take a taxi."

-------------------------------------

Easily Explained

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.
The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office. The doctor asks her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?

"Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'."

"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'.

I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what'.

So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore."

"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"

The Wrong Pick-Up line
1 ) Did you fart, because you blew me away.
>
2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
>
3) My Love for you is like diarrhoea ... I can't hold it in.
>
4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to check you out.
>
5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
>
6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.
>
7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
>
8) Man - Fat Penguin!
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say
something that would break the ice.
>
9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.
>
10) I can't find my puppy; can you help me find him? I think he went in to this cheap motel room.
>
11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
>
12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
>
13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

.
Question: What do you call a person who doesn't like lopes?

The Queen is visiting one of Australia`s top hospitals and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was m@sturbating.
`Oh my God,` said the Queen. `That`s disgraceful. What is the meaning of this?`
The doctor leading the tour explains,
`I am sorry your Royal Highness, but this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn`t do that five times a day they`ll explode and he would die instantly.`
`Oh I am so sorry` said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a b10wjob.
`Oh my God,` said the Queen, `what`s happening there?`
The doctor replied, `Same problem, better health cover.`

This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.
"Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.
The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused.
"Aaaahhh. There`s your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers.. you should try drinking Guinness.
That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face.
He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor.
"Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I`ve got the wife on American beer!"

Confucius Says

1. Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets t1t bit

2.Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.

3. Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.

4. Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.

5. Passionate kiss like spider web-lead to undoing of fly.

6. Man with holes in pocket, feels cocky all day.

7.Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.

8. Virginity like balloon-one prick, all gone.

9. Girls who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.

10. He who farts in church, sits in own pew.

11.Baseball all wrong-man with four balls can't walk.

12. Man who live in glass house,dress in basement.

13. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

14. Man with p@nis in peanut butter is f*cki*g nuts.

15. Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.

16. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have schitty time.

17. Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.

18. Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand

Benign = What you be after you be eight
Bacteria = Back door to cafeteria
Barium = What doctors do when patients die
Cesarean Section = A neighborhood in Rome
Catscan = Searching for Kitty
Cauterize = Made eye contact with her
Colic = A sheep dog
Coma = A punctuation mark
D&C = Where Washington is
Dilate = To live long
Enema = Not a friend
Fester = Quicker than someone else
Fibula = A small lie
GISeries = World Series of military baseball
Hangnail = What you hang your coat on
Impotent = Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain = Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff = A Doctor's cane
Morbid = A higher offer than I bid
Nitrates = Cheaper than day rates
Node = I knew it
Outpatient = A person who has fainted
Pap Smear = A fatherhood test
Pelvis = Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative = A letter carrier
Recovery Room = Place to do upholstery
Rectum = Damn near killed him
Secretion = Hiding something
Seizure = Roman emperor
Tablet = A small table
Terminal Illness = Getting sick at the airport
Tumor = More than one
Urine = Opposite of mine
Varicose = Near by/close by

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes."What happened to you?" asked his wife. "I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!""I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get the second black eye?""Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I pushed it back in."

There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night the granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing a see through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go back up stairs and "dress decent." The young woman said, "No, I want to show off my rosebuds" and went out the door.
The next day the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch wearing the see through blouse without a bra.
"Grandmother!! What are you doing?
My boyfriend and a couple of other friends are coming over any time now!" she cried.
"Please go change your blouse, I'm so embarrassed!!" The older woman replied,
"Well if you can show off your rosebuds then I can show off my hanging baskets."

An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini,
"I want to feel your breasts," he exclaimed.
"Get away from me, you crazy old man," she replied.
"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he says.
"Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!"
"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he says.
"NO! Get away from me!"
"TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he says.
She pauses to think about it, but then comes to her senses & says, "I said NO!"
"FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts," he says.
She thinks, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough...and five hundred dollars IS a lot of money...."Well, OK...but only for a minute," she says.

She loosens her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slides his hands underneath and begins to feel...and then he starts saying OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...while he is caressing them. So out of curiosity, she asks him "Why do you keep saying 'Oh my god'?"
While continuing to feel her breasts he answers "OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?"

Its Friday...rejoice!!!

Post some laughs.. I might actually have to get some work done if people don't start posting!!

edited title..

It doesn?t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started!

During a visit to the Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

?Well,? said the Director, ?We fill up a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a tea cup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.?

?Oh! I understand,? said the visitor. ?A normal person would use the bucket because it?s bigger than the teaspoon or tea cup.?

?No,? said the Director.

?A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window??

There you go Shelly you can read this till Beth visits the site and removes you for using such bad Language. :D

Col ]:)

potentially a lot of icky keyboards out there...
yar...that makes me shiver

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and
suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining
room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted
on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a
few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the
curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the
first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set
off gas canisters, during which time they had to move out for a few days
and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could
not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said
that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her
divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a
price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if
she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the
moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Yesterday afternoon I walked into our toilets at work where I found two cubicles, one of which one was already occupied. So I entered the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you
doing?"

I thought it a bit strange but not wanting to be rude I replied "Yeah, not too bad thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again "So, what are you up to mate?"

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly it must be said. Unsure what to say, I replied "Umm, just having a quick dump.. How about yourself?"

I then heard the voice for the third time ....

"Sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some d1ckhead in the bog next to me answering everything I say."

How many...

Psychologists = 1, but it has to WANT to change
Surrealists = "Fish"
Programmers = None, that's a hardware issue
Network admins = None, that's a software issue
End users = 1 to call the help line, 23 to complain about how long it took
Help desk = "Is it plugged in"
Sopranos = 1, and waits for the world to revolve around them
Altos = none, they can't get up that high
Tenors = 3, always three.
Basses = 1, they're always looking for work.

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: #################
<#############@hotmail.com>
Dear Friend , My name is ################# .I just came about your email address and your brief profile through an email listing affiliated with the US Chamber of Commerce and I would be very interested in offering you a part-time paying job in which you could earn a lot. I just resigned my job as
a research scientist for ARINI(Agricultural Research Institute of Northern
Ireland(www.arini.ac.uk)) [no such domain] but I still work as a freelance consultant [unemployed] for the instistute which gives me very much time to do my own work which is basically being a freelance researcher [unemployed, long-term] who could be employed [willing to be employed, but isn't] by research institutes to do research projects anywhere in the world.

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR US
Presently, I have just been granted a funding to head a research project in the tropical regions of West Africa regarding rare and vulnerable plant species and this would be commencing very soon, However my funding were by my American counterparts which sent me the bunch of payments mostly in US based money orders and cheques. Getting an accountant in the states or opening an account would have been my best choice but I have a deadline to meet and taking any of those choices would cost me time and a whole lot of other requirements I am not ready to deal with as I would be traveling a lot in the meantime. So presently, assuming you would be able to deal with cash, I would be willing to employ you on contract basis to be my payment representative back in the states, this way I could issue and make these money orders and cheque out to you, you could then cash them easily, send the total amount on these money orders and cheques to our headquaters and 10% of any money collect will be accredited to you as your commission . we shall recieve this money through Western Union wire transfer or bank to bank transfer as regard to the total amount cash.

JOB DESCRIPTION
1. Recieve payment from Clients
2. Cash Payments at your Bank
3. 10% will be your percentage/
this will be paid back to you in every month.
4. Forward all balance and /pay to any of the offices you will be contacted to send payment to (Payment is to forwarded either by Money Gram or Western Union Money Transfer or bank transfer as intructed).

HOW MUCH WILL YOU EARN?
10% from each operation! For instance: you receive 7000 USD via cheques or money orders or bank payment on our behalf. You will cash the money and keep record of $700 (10% f
rom $7000) for yourself. At the end of every month , all the money you collected for us will be calculated and paid to you . At the beginning your commission will equal 10%, though later it will increase up to 12%!

ADVANTAGES
You do not have to go out as you will work as an independent contractor right from your home office. Your job is absolutely legal. You can earn up to $3000-7000 monthly depending on time you will spend for this job. You do not need any capital to start. The employees who make efforts and work ha
rd have a strong possibility to become managers. [b]Anyway our employees never leave us.[/b] ["Exciting!"]

MAIN REQUIREMENTS
22 years and above
legally capable
responsible
ready to work 3-4 hours per week.
with PC knowledge e-mail and internet experience (minimal) [will you consider over-qualified applicants?]
And please know that Everything is absolutely legal. If you are interested in our offer, please reply. Thanks for your anticipated action. [Yea, keep anticipating that action, a--holes!] And we hope to hear back from you. ################# . Business Name Address, Street, City, Country
---------------------------------------
Well, I noticed the guy's spelling errors and deduced that he's in a hurry. I also noticed that he's willing to offer me 10%, plus another 15% or so to Western Union, if I remember correctly, and deduced that his need is not only short-term but urgent. So since he's so desperate (except that it's a scam, but supposing it wasn't ...), this was my reply:

Working 3-4 hours per week for $3000-$7000 per month looks to me like a good opportunity, but I will require $10,000 bonus to start. If that is a problem for you, no need to write back.

However...

The one who denied it supplied it!

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say,"

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

[i]Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:[/i]

[b]Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.
20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan, Jim

Dawg[/b] ]:)

Nature's way of saying,"No hard feelings."

Right JD???

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife
in bed with another man.
"Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world."
"It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what
if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
your wife?"
The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane
and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."

You and Shell are the only ones who are funny today. I don't feel too funny :( . Have my husband's convertible and IT'S RAINING! Drat!

KAT...

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window.

Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.

As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatolegical abnormalities."

"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.

"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.

"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer."

"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm
doing now?"

"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."

But whatch out where they put there hands!

A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive; I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.

"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it."

Jim agrees and the two say good bye.

A few months later the two are in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.

Jim replied, "I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!"

"Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?"

"Well, I was out of butter, so I've been using Crisco."

"Crisco!!?" Bob exclaimed. "Damm it, Jim, Crisco is shortening!

MORAL: You gotta follow the recipe!!!

How can you taunt us like that. Spreading the message of fear and disgust. The word that you keep using is on the TR BANNED list, and your membership can be revoked for continued use of it!
I really dont care if you are upset that we have not all came out to play yet. Using that filthy word puts you low on the 'friends' lists all over the world. The only time it is acceptable to use that word is in a different context like W*** SUCKS!!!
And YES, It needs ASTERISKS because it it soo foul.
You may not realize it, but just using that word insults all of us IT pros who try to avoid every aspect of it at all times. But not just us, you insult everyone who has ever been to TR by continuing your evil ways with that disgusting word.
Please try to avoid it in the future, or I might have to start REPORTING YOUR POSTS AS SPAM so that Beth can edit your sick and twisted writings!
:^0 :^0 :^0

You may have to explain... I'm a blonde.

Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work...

I'm done now... for now!
:x

I.E. screams of ecstacy... :p

:)

its not the end of the world! However, you did use that BAD word that starts with W. And you used it in a mean manner after being asked not to...

However, Beth so far has not edited it.
And I am actually awaiting a reprimand from her for the reporting abuse :^0
So I guess I will lose those 100,000 techpoints that I almost received?

Compare to the title of the thread ...

https://www.techrepublic.com.com/5208-6230-0.html?forumID=102&threadID=233614&messageID=2302754

Slightly funny.

On a hot summer day, a redneck came into town with his dog. He tied the dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer.
About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck said that it was his.
The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat."
The redneck replies, "No way dog's in heat---she's cool ?cause I got 'er tied under the shade of the tree."
The policeman says, "No! You don't understand-- your dog needs to be bred.
"No way," the redneck says, "dog don't need bread, she's not hungry, cause I fed her beef jerky this mornin'."
Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "NO! You don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!"
The redneck looks at him and says, "Go ahead. I always wanted a police dog!"

just had to put that in there. No blonde jokes have popped up since Steffi's been absent

HAL, what did you do to Seffi this time!!!

In case Beth adds then to her newest list. :D

Col ]:)

Steffi has left Germany and returned to the UK or at least tried to. I was in the process of moving the UK to be my own private Country that I could use as I please when she attempted to fly back. :D

Unfortunately for her 6 hours earlier I had started to move the country after having several Teams of Welsh Miners dig out the Foundations of the UK and then I had a [b]Row Boat[/b] to tow the country away. The aircraft I believe attempted to land where the Airport used to be and disappeared under the waves.

I had to temporally stop the move as the AU Government became aware of the UK rapidly approaching their shores with a lot of [b]Illegal Immigrants[/b] and sent the remains of the AU Navy out to stop them from landing on AU Soil. I'm currently waiting for a Passing US sub to snag the tow cable and drag the UK into shore.

But if something doesn't show up in a week or so I'll use an old Russian Diesel Sub to finish off the tow and then have all those [b]Illegal Immigrants[/b] deported to New Zealand. :p

The Welsh Miners and their families can come to AU and settle in Cantberra where they can dig holes to their hearts content and allow a big Sink Hole to appear under the Parliament. :0

No matter what happens I'll be in a position to park the UK wherever I want it and keep in in Sunshine all the time that I want to use it. :^0

Col ]:)

the other day, but didnt post. It makes sense now that after the plane disappeared, her keyboard was wet, so she couldnt type.

I thought that she snuck on-line and you caught her and punished her... :0

A towboat is a bad choice to use for any country with a navy though. You should have used a stealth sub.
However, now that the pesky UK is out of the way it should be easy to dislodge France and move it somewhere as well. It should be easier to move around, as all you will need is a bi-plane and some alluminum foil to counter the radar system. They will never know how to find the tow plane. :^0

...that you are a "TOSSER" and confused,

but if you had comprehension skills, you'd know that the post wasn't directed towards you.

You see, the universe doesn't revolve around you and people actually talk about other subjects from time to time....