friday yuk

But it's still good. My stepdaughter sent this to me yesterday..

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

They come up to the third hole. Jesus takes out his driver. Moses says, "You can't be serious. You'll never clear the water." Jesus replies, "I saw Arnold Palmer do it in 1965.

If he can do it I can too.". He hits the ball.... .

"Let me try it again." ... .

While Jesus is walking on the water retriving his ball another golfer walks up and asks Moses, "Who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?". Moses answers, "No, Arnold Palmer."

When you gaze into the elephant, the elephant also gazes into you.

Trust me, there is NOT a good answer here.... :0

Mae is nice, damnit.... ;\

I knew it. Whenever one of THOSE days is around, you post things about death/killing/murder/shovel!!!
(note: Adding all 4 of those terms = almost every day that Mae posts one is used).

MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!! (NOT AN ELEPHANT EITHER!!!)(PHSYCHO MAYBE???)(BUT NOT AN ELEPHANT!!!)
MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!! (NOT AN ELEPHANT EITHER!!!)(PHSYCHO MAYBE???)(BUT NOT AN ELEPHANT!!!)
MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!! (NOT AN ELEPHANT EITHER!!!)(PHSYCHO MAYBE???)(BUT NOT AN ELEPHANT!!!)
MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!! (NOT AN ELEPHANT EITHER!!!)(PHSYCHO MAYBE???)(BUT NOT AN ELEPHANT!!!)
MAE IS NICE DAMMIT!!! (NOT AN ELEPHANT EITHER!!!)(PHSYCHO MAYBE???)(BUT NOT AN ELEPHANT!!!)

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful'.

Then, a Councillor comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Councillor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Councilors lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the workers of our country and those elected to represent us.

I'm sore all over, but it's getting easier. I didn't get to go last night because my kid's car broke down yesterday morning and I had to deal with that.

The VP of my department did the nicest thing yesterday. I had to run out and get the boy because he was stranded. Zach ended up taking my car during the day. Anyway, the VP asked what was wrong with his car and when I told him he said it sounded like the alternator had gone bad. He said to get it over to his house and he would fix it.

Well, we had to jump the car 4 times to get it from where it had died to the boss's house, but we got it there and left him the keys. My boss (actually, it's my boss's boss) went out and bought a new alternator and replaced it, called about 11 last night and said it was ready. We picked it up and it's running fine. So, all I had was the cost of an alternator. I took him a case of beer, too...figured it was least I could do.

MAE Jumped a Car 4 times yesterday? Sounds Kinky. :p

OH and I don't think that whoever was claiming that you are an Elephant. After all the Ele crushed the fool who went into the cage so maybe he was implying that you where Crushed. :^0

Or maybe a Fool depends Mae on what you prefer to think was meant. ?:|

But don't give W2k and warning just pounce and destroy. ;\

Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :( Mae Is Nice Dammit. :(

My son's car stalled 4 times from where it had originally died to the place we took it for repairs. In order to make the car move forward after it had stalled, we had to take these cables and transfer power from the battery in my car to the battery in his car.

Does that sound better? :)

No It doesn't your first attempt sounded much better. :^0

But I'm sure you would have found a [b]Jump Pack[/b] much easier than using Jump-Her Leads, But then again because I'm normal what would I know. :p

Have a Happy Easter Mae and enjoy whatever Time Off you have coming to you. Just try not to bury too many Easter Eggs with your Shovel they will never be found. :0

Col ]:)

How to use the rebate:

As you may have heard the Bush Administration said each and every one of us would now get a nice rebate.

If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a computer it will all go to India.

If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will all go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala .

If we purchase a good car it will all go to Japan.

If we purchase useless crap it will all go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America, so the only way to keep that money here at home is to buy prostitutes and beer, since those are the only businesses still in the US.

Try to do your part and support America!

that would mean Jesus was a Republican?

Hey! ... means 'no text.'

doh.

nt

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him ?tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift on the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!?

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

I wouldn't marry a 'Richard' either.

My first two husbands had three letter first names, so, it's just a rule now. No husbands with three letter names. It just doesn't work out with me. As far as Richard goes, well, either of the two first husbands could have been called a 'Richard'.

it would be a perfect name, cause you can call him a D1ck all day without repercussions :0

named d!ck. At christmas this year, my cousin (he's 23 years old) wore a t-shirt that his sister gave him for Christmas that said 'I'm not a d!ck, but my dad is'.

should have posted a pic!

is that it's accurate. :)