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Friday yuk

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by rob mekel 2 views

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As I didn't find a Friday Yuk --- yet :)
A 2-way starter :)

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[b]Before Marriage:[/b]
She: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
He: Do you want me to leave
She: HELL NO! Don?t even think about it.
He: Do you love me?
She: Of course! Over and over!
He: Have you ever cheated on me?
She: HELL NO! Why are you even asking?
He: Will you kiss me?
She: Every chance I get!
He: Will you hit me?
She: Are you crazy! I?m not that kind of person!
He: Can I trust you?
She: Yes.
He: Darling!

[b]After marriage:(simply read from bottom to top !!)[/b]

Rob

ps Switching the he and she does a nice trick as well :)

44 replies

by tig2

There are days I wonder if that is not the norm!

Love him dearly but he is capable of working my very last nerve...

How's it going, Rob?

Off to to the doc!

by rob mekel

It's going fine, actually great ... but very very busy ... lots of projects started just after my vacation.
Okay, I know had to plan them more carefully and not all at once :)
But heck it's they ask and we deliver ... within our boundary limits [i](and I made sure we set them)[/i] ... So I'm now running 7 projects, 2 departments and I'm loving it

I'll send you a peer on the details.

Rob

by bubba69

An 8th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 7 times its normal size when stimulated?"

No one answered until Mary stood up, angrily, and said, "You should not be asking 8th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 7 times its normal size when stimulated?"

Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"

Finally, Kevin stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 7 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Kevin," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: (1) You have a dirty mind, (2) You didn't read your homework ; and (3) One day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

by bubba69

A woman is having lunch with a few of her friends one Sunday when she announces she has discovered a way to keep her husband from staying out late at night. "Last night when I heard the front door open and my husband enter, I yelled down, 'Joe, is that you?'"

Her one friend turns to her and asks, "How is that going to stop him from staying out late?"

She replied, "My husband's name is Charles."

by bubba69

Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A: The 1984 Hide-and-Seek World Champion.

by bubba69

Daniel turned very ill and was on his deathbed.

His wife sat at the bedside holding his hand, praying silently. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother."

"I know," she replied. "Now just be still and let the poison work."

by bubba69

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel on your head?"

The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"

by gsg

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None.... It's a hardware issue.

Don't know why I find that one so funny!

by bubba69

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," Bubba said, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down.

Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length."

by bubba69

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face.

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him?he's afraid to cough!"

by bubba69

This guy's father dies, so he goes to the undertaker and tells him he wants the best of everything for his father.

The man gets really sick the day of the funeral, however, and is unable to attend.

The next day, he gets a bill for $16,000. He pays it. The next month, he gets another bill for $85. He figures it's just a little supplementary bill, so he pays that, too.

Next month, another bill for $85 arrives, so he calls up the undertaker and says, "I keep getting these bills for $85 dollars. I thought I paid for the funeral already."

The undertaker says, "Well, you said you wanted the best for your father, so I rented him a tux."

by bubba69

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room had been taken.

?You?ve got to have a room somewhere,? he pleaded. ?Or just a bed, I don?t care where.?

?Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy,? admitted the manager, ?and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I?m not sure it?d be worth it to you.?

?No problem,? the tired Marine assured him. ?I?ll take it.?

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. ?How?d you sleep?? asked the manager.

?Never better.? The manager was impressed. ?No problem with the other guy snoring, then??

?Nope, I shut him up in no time,? said the Marine.

?How?d you manage that?" asked the manager.

?He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,? the Marine explained. ?I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ?Goodnight, beautiful,? and he sat up all night watching me.?

by bubba69

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged.
One Texan turned to the other and said ?That little gal is havin? a bad time. I?m agonna go over there and help.?
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his BIG Texan hands and asked ?Kin ya swaller??
Gasping she shook her head ?No?.
He asked ?Kin ya breathe??
Still gasping she again shook her head ?No?.
With that he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and licked her butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the bit of hamburger that was stuck and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said ?Ya? know it?s sure amazin? how that hind-lick maneuver always works!?

by dryflies

What do you get when you cross an onion with a donkey?

9 times out of ten you get an onion with long ears. But that tenthtime you get a piece of A$$ that will make your eyes water!

by bubba69

A young journalism graduate from Arkansas had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas.
Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmers house and decided this would be a good place to start.

He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Mahon) agreed to answer his questions.

The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the happiest?

Farmer Mahon replied, ?One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all had sex with it we took it back to the farmer that lost it.?

?I can?t print that,? said the reporter, ?Is there another event that made you really happy?? Farmer Mahon thought for a minute and said, ?Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin? young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us had sex with her, we took her back to her daddy.?

Again the reporter knew he couldn?t print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer Mahon, ?Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad??

Farmer Mahon hung his head and replied, ?Well, I got lost once.?

by bubba69

A teacher asks her students to discuss what their dads do for a living. Little Mary raises her hand first and says, ?My dad?s a lawyer for the government. He puts the bad guys in jail.?

Little Jack goes next: ?My dad?s a doctor. He makes sick people better.?

All the kids in the class take their turn except Little Walter.

The teacher asks him, ?What does your dad do??

Walter replies, ?My dad?s dead.?

?I?m sorry to hear that. What did he do before he died??

?He turned blue and crapped on the living room carpet.?

by hal 9000

[b]1.[/b] Go to the office Saturday Evenings, & on Holidays.

[b]2.[/b] Take a Briefcase home nights and review your troubles.

[b]3.[/b] Show up early next morning after a night meeting to impress the boss.

[b]4.[/b] Never eat restful, relaxing meals. Grab a ?Quickie? or do Business at Lunch.

[b]5.[/b] Look on Fishing, Hunting or Golf as a waste of time.

[b]6.[/b] Keep in touch with the office on your vacation.

[b]7.[/b] Do Not delegate authority.

[b]8.[/b] When traveling ?work all day & drive all night.? to save time.

[b]9.[/b] Accept all invitations to banquets & join committees.

[b]10.[/b] After customers have gone to bed sit up half the night writing reports.

[b]11.[/b] Use a computer with Microsoft Products on it.

by hal 9000

I have a Toshiba NB in for repair which has a BIOS Password on it.

Who wants to help me bypass the password? :D :^0 :D :^0

Col

I couldn't help myself. :P :0

by w2ktechman

Ok, first remove the HDD and battery (main).
remove any PCMCIA cards, flash memory, and cd/dvd/floppy drives.
then next, remove the keyboard.
then next remove the monitor to keep it out of the way.
Now remove the processor and memory
now any bridges or add-in cards must be removed.
Locate the BIOS

Now, take a stun gun and zap the BIOS. After it is zapped (should smell burnt electronics, if not zap it again), plug in the monitor and power the notebook up.

Zap it again at the BIOS to 'jumpstart' the system. This needs to be done because the first zap would have removed all voltage from the CMOS, so if done right it would not have powered up until now.

by rob mekel

We know you can't help yourself.

How we know ... you told us several times ...
over and over and over ... again :D :^0 ;)

Rob

by w2ktechman

Always HOST the holiday family get togethers, and say it's OK to bring people you have never met without warning.

by hal 9000

But as I don't have a stun gun can I use the Overland Transmission lines to Zap it with?

33 KV should have a similar effect on CMOS circuitry shouldn't it?

Personally I prefer a Big Hammer as it feels so much better but maybe I'll actually have a look at this thing some time and see what is involved. :0

Col ]:)

by w2ktechman

only works on some models. It is much better to use voltage instead. But, unfortunately, if the 'jump start' did not work, the model that you have needs a hammer.

The best way (most successful) is to get an iron rod and hammer out. Ground yourself and plunge the rod (holding the iron rod without gloves) into the power supply and banging on it repeatedly with the hammer. Keep doing this until it finaly powers up...

Oh, dont forget, it DOES need to be plugged in! :^0

by steffi28

so I'll post here from now on. I'm fine just a little over worked up to my eyes in coursework and have been doing a few 10-12 hour shifts including not getting home until gone 4am Sunday morning. so I'm a teeny bit exhausted!! All courseworks are finally due in on Friday so I'll be able to relax a little more then for a few days before I start on my dissatation over christmas :(

Ahh well at least I'll be able to sit there with alcohol in one hand and a pen in the other roll on graduation!! :)

by oh smeg

[u][b]Alcohol Induced Dizzy Spells[/u][/b] will do it to you every time. :p

You should be [b]Pure[/b] just like me and don't drink the Demon Brew. It interferes too much with your ability to work. :_|

Personally I'm working at getting a Holiday this year but I can't see it happening for a very long time if ever this decade. :_|

Col

by steffi28

Christmas is seeming more like a break from uni to be able to get my work done and an excuse to be asked in for more shifts at work cos I don't have uni.

Col I wish I was alcohol induced havent had a drink in ages, I'm just thinking of the bottle of baileys i'll be getting for christmas :D

by oh smeg

Actually Steffi TR has recently changed it's notifications and they come out in a little under an hour so more people should be here then.

It's currently the quite before the storm at the moment. Things kick off in about 35 to 40 minutes or maybe a bit latter if all the Yanks are still sleeping on Sunday mourning. :D

Col

by w2ktechman

Steffi, when you start getting those Alcohol Induced Dizzy Speels you must stop drinking for 30-45 minutes.

by hal 9000

If the statement is believable according to her not a Drop of Alcohol has passed her lips recently. :D

Col ]:)

by oh smeg

Because of the time that the TR Notifications arrive I'm just killing a bit of time answering questions. If I leave things till tomorrow the Yanks get on top of me and things are confusing. :p

Perhaps you would like to hear what I've done with the UK this week. :^0

Actually GG has posted a link to some Daleks Miniatures that look interesting. [b]SWMBO[/b] is driven to despair by my new alarm clock saying Exterminate loudly when she wants to wake up. Naturally I sleep through it. :^0

Though Jacqui is now on line so things may get interesting. :x

Col

by steffi28

I am highly believable, I haven't had a drink in ages!! Although I may have one tommorrow as I'm going to watch the mighty blues (Everton) playing St. Petersburg :)

If we win I will be celebrating :)

Speaking of football I just found this, and thought I'd share it as the last incident on the video is still very sore subject for me, but I like this video :) You may understand the last bit a bit better if your from the UK or if you've heard about the insult to ref's that is Mark Clattenberg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR-hXYn2pA0

Edited because I forgot to put the link on, doh! I'm not blonde :p

by hal 9000

English Football doesn't have 10 hour breaks after a 1 second play so the players have to make their own breaks. We couldn't expect them to actually go out and play Soccer for the full time without a break could we? That would mean that they where fit and not the [b]Overpaid Lazy Bums[/b] that they actually are.

Besides they need to stain their gear so the people who wash it feel needed. :p

Grass stains are so easy to remove so they keep applying their Bums to the grass to keep the washing people employed at 1 pence a Year. God only knows that there is no money in English Football as the teams have to spend all their money paying fines for what their supporters do. You know the Football Hooligans. :^0

Col ]:)

by rob mekel

you actually made a decision, good Girl !!! ;)

Alltho not a real rational one with words like "seems" and "bit" to make up your mind ... that's what I like about you ... just that little bit of feeling you put into making up your mind :)

Don't overdo the working hours ... keep the refreshing moments of wondering around in
TR-dungeons of questions, forums, articles and so on :)

Rob

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