IT Employment
IT jobs seem to be the most shaky these days. Here are a few things you should avoid doing during interviews:
http://www.helpdesknotes.com/2007/11/humor_interview_tips_for_job_s.html
by shellbot
May have posted these a few weeks ago..if so, sorry!!
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet
twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude".
With that, she stripped down, rolled the dice and yelled,
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..
"YES YES, I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men, are men.
by shellbot
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road
hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he
could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly
coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without
thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door.. only to
realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a
curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the
window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched as the
hand repeatedly came through the window, but never touched or harmed
him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road,
so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and
out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the
horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realised he was crying
and....wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the
stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to
the other......................................
'Look Paddy.....there's that f*cking idiot that got in the car while we
were pushing it!!!!'
by daveo2000
by shellbot
Bad Day for Unix?
A lady in the next seat, struck up a conversation with my friend Mick when he was flying across America.
Lady: 'And where are you going?'
Mick: 'I'm going to San Francisco to a UNIX convention.'
Lady: 'Eunuchs convention? I didn't know there were that many of you.'
by shellbot
Customer: My family in Australia use BT Softphone, I can see them but they can't see me.
Advisor: What brand is your webcam?
Customer: What's a webcam?
*************
Customer: 'All my files I saved last week to my C: drive are missing!'
Tech Support: 'Do you remember what directory you first saved them in?'
Customer: 'No, I don't . I just know it was on my C: drive.'
Tech Support: 'Ok, I'll walk you through how to find the files.'
Customer: 'I wouldn't think I would be losing files on this computer. Gee, I just had the hard drive replaced in it yesterday.
**********
Customer: My iPod will only play one song.
Advisor: Which other tracks have you downloaded from iTunes?
Customer: Do I need to download tracks?
by shellbot
Why did the Computer Chicken Cross the Road?
1.Assembler Chicken: First, it builds the road .?..
2.C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways.
3.C++ Chicken: The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you' d simply refer to him on the other side.
4.COBOL Chicken: 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES
THEN PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
5.Cray Chicken: Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side frazzled.
6.Delphi Chicken: The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
7.Gopher Chicken: Tried to run but got beaten by the Web chicken.
8.Intel Pentium Chicken: The chicken crossed 4.9999978 times.
9.Iomega Chicken: The chicken should have ' backed up' before crossing.
10.Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, then the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets.)
11.Linux Chicken: Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
12.Mac Chicken: No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it how to cross the road.
13.Newton Chicken: Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket.
14.OOP Chicken: It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
15.OS/2 Chicken: It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.
16.Microsoft's Chicken: It's already on both sides of the road. What's more its just bought the road.
17.Windows 95 Chicken: You see different coloured feathers while it crosses, but when you cook it still tastes like........ chicken.
18.Quantum Logic Chicken: The chicken is distributed probabilistically on all sides of the road until you observe it on the side of your choice.
19.VB Chicken: USHighways! (aChicken)
20.XP Chicken Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
21.The Longhorn Chicken had an identity crisis and is now calling itself Vista.
by shellbot
where is everyone??
did ye all take the day off?
or did you get tricked into working??
by jdclyde
by oh smeg
It must be embarrassing being dragged naked to the Police Station for attempting to Swindle yet another Casino. :D
Women never learn do they? :p
Col ]:)
by shellbot
embarrasing..
..female bits don't shrivel when they're cold!!
oh, JD called you a vagitarian....
you gonna stand for that?
by hal 9000
I've been told by someone who I believe that the Female Bits are adversely affected by [b]Gravity![/b] And that is from a very young age and only gets worse as times goes on. :D
Apparently the Female Bits never look quite right when [b]Unsupported or Air Brushed[/b] so other females criticise them. :^0
Only what I've been told by someone in the fashion industry and I don't even think that they have a [b]Real Job.[/b] After all they are just sewing a couple pieces of rag together and then selling it to Females at an [b]Exorbitant Price.[/b] It's worse if they make shoes that mangle the feet and are impossible to wear. :D
Nothing but appealing to Females Vanity so it isn't even a [b]Real Job![/b] :p
Col ]:)
by jdclyde
by jdclyde
by jdclyde
what the heck, it amused me....
man, it is going to be one of "those" daze... and I have only been here an hour!
:D
Will go through the files and try to come back with something that is actually funny... ;\
How many out there are vagitarians? :0
by shellbot
vagitarian? :0
If ye meant vegitarian..then heck no!!
If ye meant "something" else..then eh..that would also be a negatory!!!!
by bubba69
Three middle aged ladies were sitting around the porch one day bragging about their husbands' sex drive when one decided that they should refer to their lovers as a soft drink.
The first lady began, "My husband is like a 7-Up, he's got seven inches and it's always up!"
The second replied, "My man is like a Mountain Dew, when he mounts me he always knows what to do!"
After a moment the third woman says, "My man is like a Jack Daniels?"
"That's not a soft drink," one woman exclaims, "That's a hard liquor!"
Without hesitation the lady shouts, "That's my Leroy!"
by bubba69
A Catholic priest and a Jewish rabbi are walking down the street. The priest looks over at the rabbi and asks, "Hey, you want to screw the altar boys?"
The rabbi thinks about it for a moment, then replies, "Out of what?"
by bubba69
A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. While her dad is getting his hair cut, the girl begins eating a snack cake. While she's eating, she walks over and stands right next to the barber's chair.
The barber looks down and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
"I know," the little girl replies. "I'm gonna get boobies, too."
by bubba69
A Texan, a Yankee, and a Southerner are sitting together in a bar in the Yukon. The Texan tosses back his shot of tequila, throws the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it to pieces. The other two, shocked, just stare at the Texan. He explains, "Where I come from, we have plenty of tequila."
The Yankee, not to be outdone, finishes his glass of wine, tosses the half-full bottle up in the air, pulls out a gun, and blows it apart. "Where I come from," he explains, "we have plenty of fine wine."
The Southern guy slowly drinks the last drop of his beer, tosses the empty bottle in the air, pulls out a gun, and shoots the Yankee between the eyes. He then catches the bottle on the way down. "Where I come from," he says slowly, "we never waste booze?and we have way too many Yankees."
by bubba69
A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he?s going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.
"My darling," he writes, "it looks like we?re going to be apart for a very long time. Already I?m starting to miss you and we?re constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation?s terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them."
His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, "Why don?t you learn to play this?"
Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife. "Darling" he says, "I can?t wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"
But she stops him with a wave of her hand. "First, let?s see how well you play that harmonica."
by bubba69
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.
?I?m not aware of the nature of your problem,? the doctor said. ?So perhaps you should start at the very beginning.?
"Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth."
by bubba69
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.
"Do you know what I?m doing?" he asks.
"Yes," she replies. "You?re checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."
"That?s right," says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I?m doing now?"
"You?re checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies.
"Correct," says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. "Do you know what I?m doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You?re getting herpes?which is what I came here about in the first place."
by jdclyde
I was referring to you? :0
:x
by bubba69
A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he?s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.
?Son, there?s been a bit of a mix-up,? admits the surgeon. ?I?m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.?
?What!? gasps the patient. ?You mean I?ll never experience another erection??
?Oh, you might,? the surgeon reassures him. ?Just not yours.?
by bubba69
A lady goes into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist to tattoo a picture of Robert Redford on her right upper thigh and a picture of Paul Newman on her left upper thigh.
The artist does so, and when he finishes hands her a mirror so she can inspect the work.
She looks at the left thigh and says, "Wow! That?s definitely Paul Newman. Just look at those blue eyes." Then she looks at the right thigh and complains, "That doesn?t look like Robert Redford."
The artist disagrees and says they need to find an impartial judge.
They go to the bar next door and ask the first guy they meet to identify the tattoos. She raises her skirt and drops her panties, and he gets his face up close and says, "Well, ma?am, the one on your left thigh is definitely Paul Newman. He even has the blue eyes. The one on your right I?m not sure about?but the one in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson."
by bubba69
A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice in his head, which tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."
The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice.
But the next day, the same thing happens: The voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."
Again the man ignores the voice, but he?s becoming increasingly upset, and the third time he hears the voice, he succumbs to the pressure. He quits his job, sells his house, takes his money, and heads to Las Vegas.
The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the voice tells him, "Go to Harrah?s."
He hops in a cab and rushes over to the casino, where the voice tells him, "Go to the roulette table."
The man does as he is told.
When he gets to the roulette table, the voice tells him, "Put all your money on 17."
Nervously, the man cashes in all his money for chips and then puts them on 17.
"Now watch," says the voice.
The dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette wheel.
Around and around the ball caroms. The man anxiously watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number . . . 21.
The voice says, "F^&k."
by shellbot
thats so nasty its funny!!!!!
:)
by jdclyde
what I meant.... ]:)
Sure you don't want to try a little? It is good for you! B-)
Yeah, I know. Guys are dumb. We just can't resist giving in to the vagitational pull....
:p
by bubba69
A son comes home from college to West Virginia and tells his dad about a wonderful girl he?s met.
?Dad, she?s fantastic. She?s smart, in great shape, and she?s getting her teaching certificate this spring. I?m going to ask her to marry me, but??
?But what, son?? asks the father.
?She?s a virgin.?
The father scratches his beard and says, ?Son, if she ain?t good enough for her own family, she dang sure ain?t good enough for ours.?
by bubba69
One day, Bill comes home from the pickle factory where he works and confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his weenie into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests he see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill says he?d be too embarrassed, and he vows to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill comes home absolutely ashen.
"What?s wrong, Bill?" his wife asks.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my weenie into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn?t."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"She and I both got fired."
by bubba69
A Yankee goes hunting in the South. He shoots a duck out in the country. As he?s retrieving it, a good-ole-boy walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the gool-ole-boy proposes they settle the matter " Southern style."
"What?s Southern style?" asks the Yankee.
"Down here in the South," the good-ole-boy says, "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin? wins the dispute."
Warily the Yankee agrees and prepares himself. The good-ole-boy hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The Yankee falls to the ground in the most intense pain he?s ever felt, crying like a baby and coughing up blood. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, n-now it?s?it?s m-my turn."
The good-ole-boy grins. "Aw, hell, you win. Keep the duck."
by bubba69
Jerry?s at the urinal in an airport restroom when a guy with no arms sidles up next to him and pleads, "Hey, buddy?can you help me out here?"
Though he feels uneasy, Jerry bravely unzips the man, takes a deep breath, and reaches in to pull out the guy?s penis. Much to his horror, it?s hideous. It?s moldy and bluish green, covered with pus-filled scabs, and it reeks something awful.
Imagining the kudos he?ll get on Judgment Day, Jerry holds the man?s unit while he finishes urinating, shakes it, then puts it back in the man?s pants and zips him up.
The guy tells Jerry, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
"No problem," says Jerry. "But I gotta ask?What the heck?s wrong with your johnson?"
The guy pokes his arms back out of his sleeves and says, "I don?t know, but I sure as hell ain?t touching it."
by bubba69
A guy hears a knock at his door. When he answers it, there's nobody there, but there's a snail on the welcome mat. Frustrated, the guy picks up the snail and hurls it into the street.
Five years go by, and there's another knock at the door. The man answers it, and again there's no one standing there, but there's a snail on the welcome mat.
The snail looks up and says, "What the hell was that all about?"
by jdclyde
WHY THE INTERNET IS LIKE A VAGINA
* The more people use it the bigger it gets.
* If you play with it too much you can go blind.
* You wouldn't believe the things people put in there!
* Some people think they know how to move around in it, but they really can't interface.
* In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to receive information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
* It has no conscience and no memory.
* It provides a way to interact with other people.
* If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
* It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
* You think you're just playing around, but you can get involved in something that takes 9 months to finish.
* The part you see is actually just the front end of a very complicated system.
* If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
* It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"
* Some folks have it, some don't.
* Those who have it think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior.
* Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it spend all their time trying to access it.
* Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
* Some people believe in security and avoiding penetration but others believe it should be open to all comers.
by jdclyde
Which is better, beer or vagina?
1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.
One point to BEER
2.Warm beer tastes awful.
One point to VAGINA
3.A really cold beer is satisfying.
One point to BEER
4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit.
One point to VAGINA
5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There's definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances. I'll just call it a DRAW for the time being.
6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don't want to drive anywhere.
One point to VAGINA
7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend.
One point to VAGINA
8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer. One point to VAGINA
9. You normally don't find old beer.
One point to BEER
10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much vagina and you'll think you've seen God.
One point to VAGINA
11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is fun.
One point to VAGINA
12. In most countries there's a tax on beer.
One point to VAGINA
13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off.
One point to BEER
14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or a can. One point to BEER
15. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but eventually it settles down.
One point to BEER
16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, etc... with vagina you also have a choice, white, black, asian, hispanic, and eskimo...
Call it a DRAW
17. You always know how much beer is going to cost
One point to BEER
18. Beer doesn't have a mother
One point to BEER
19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you
drink it
One point to BEER
FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10 VAGINA: 9
That's it! The matter is settled, the unfortunate yet tasty winner is: BEER
PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them.
An extra point for BEER
by bubba69
A top aide to President Bush rushes into the oval office. "Mr. President, I have some good news and some bad news."
President Bush asks to have the bad news first. The aide replies that at 1:00 A.M. in the morning space aliens landed in Washington D.C.
"What's the good news?" the president then asks.
The aide then says, "They know where Osama bin Laden is hiding ? and they pi$$ oil!"
-----
If a man is talking in the woods and no woman hears him?is he still wrong?
-----
Did you hear about the new paint color that?s coming out?
It?s called blonde.
It?s not very bright, but it spreads easy.
-----
Q: Moms have Mother?s Day and dads have Father?s Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday.
by jdclyde
I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
Because I just love hearing this question.
Just lucky, I guess.
It gives my mother something to live for.
My fianc???e is awaiting his/her parole.
I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?
I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
It didn't seem worth a blood test.
I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.
What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?
Why aren't you thin?
I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.
(Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
by ganyssa
I have started telling people that ask me why I'm divorced that I decided that I only wanted one child, and the girl was cuter.
I think it annoys them, but really, if you were someone I was likely to tell all the gory details to, you'd already know, and if you need to ask, it's probably none of your business - and be happy, it means you missed the bitter phase.
by jdclyde
I feel no call to be courteous to people that are being rude to me. B-)
I fully plan to start using some of the ideas from the list! :D Sounds more civil on my part than saying it was because my ex is an adulterous wh0re? :0 ;\
by maecuff
by jessie
And when I was pregnant with the 5th one, someone I barely knew asked, "Don't you know what causes that?" And I told her, "Yes, I do know, and if my husband weren't so good at it, it wouldn't be a problem."
That shut her up... which was the purpose. I see no reason to be kind to those who've got rectal-cranial inversion.
by gsg
Because I can spend my own money, I don't need any help with that. Or...
Do I LOOK like the welfare office?
I'm not a maid
Why aren't you smart?
by tonythetiger
by shellbot
adulterous wh0re has a certain ring to it..
but whatever like :)
oh f*ck..i am going home..spent all day modifying & testing a stored proceure for a report that was written like 3 years ago..(not by me) I've just realised its actually missing a very important result..now i would have initially tested these reports my first month or so at the job, so I obviously missed it..ok..my bad..but the funny thing is, in almost 3 years not one person (out of like 100) have noticed that they were missing one of thier statistics???
just goes to show how much people pay attention here..so glad i'm going..
by jdclyde
some mistake it for me being bitter and regretful.
I remember the day, she comes up and says to me "I am going to make you the happiest man on Earth", and I asked when she would be moving out! :D
But prying people bug me, so a well placed "piss off wanker" does the heart good! B-)
Or better yet, Fae to louganigo mou. ;\
by ganyssa
by brian.mills
Here where I work it usually takes a couple months before anyone notices that numbers are missing or wrong on reports that I send out every day. Some days it's hard to not smack people around and tell them to pay attention.
just have to survive 45 more minutes and then it's a long weekend. Gotta love working in a government office.
by jdclyde
When I first started here, one of the office girls came up and asked why she ran a certain report every week and then just threw it away.
It was explained to her that she was suppose to CHECK the report to make sure everything was correct before going on and with a horrified look on her face she said "Well! I don't have TIME to do THAT!"
She really didn't know she was suppose to be doing it, and when she found out, it was as if someone had added to her job and she was pissed.
I love it when people are trained properly in their jobs.... [i] ~sigh~
by shellbot
but 3 years??
is it wrong to feel superior over these people?? I always laugh at the threads about geeks and the other staff..saying that geeks have to learn the talk and socialize and whatever..
why is is acceptable to tell a geek to learn to be more socialable, yet a geek can't tell a manager to start using thier brain ??
3 weeks and then I'm outta here..thanks god..the bosses just found out i'm leaving and they panicking now..WATB's..
by jdclyde
of testicles to be hanging from the rear view mirror? :0
You? Saying something that would stop stupid people dead in their tracks? Say it isn't so! :D
:x
by tig2
by steffi28
JD you're losing your touch :p
I'm doing great, just can't wait to get this final year of uni over with :D Hope your alright too :D
by steffi28
by jdclyde
!WAR
????
by steffi28
by gsg
I forwarded this and immediately got chuckles, and the comment, "That's hysterical".
That would be a great geek test. If you see it and laugh, you are one.
by hal 9000
by hal 9000
[b]All Ratbag No Good Low Life Trouble Makers[/b] just like that have always been. :0
Just watch out for [i][b]Campus Security[/i][/b] they have now been instructed to [b]Terminate With Extreme Prejudice any Protesters[/b] that they run across and miss with the Truck or Tank. :p
Actually Abs I didn't know that you had it in you to be so antisocial. :D
Col ]:)
by jdclyde
I was putting to much thought into it and was thinking along the lines of C or something and missed the easy HTML tag. :(
And yeah, ! = not
by maecuff
by jessie
Okay, so the hubby and I and all our kids are moving into a 4 bedroom townhouse next month which has a postage stamp sized yard, and we've been talking with the kids about mowing the lawn, and how our little patch of yard can now be done with a weed wacker and my step-son says, "So that'd be a good summer job for me, I can just go door to door and say, 'Hey, you want me to wack your patch?'" :D
10 minutes later when the hubby and I were able to pick ourselves up off the floor and speak again, we forbid him from ever saying such a thing again. :D
by maecuff
Now that was funny! Did he realize what he said after he said it? Or did he know in the first place?
I can't remember WHAT my husband said last night, he said something or another (crude, of course) and my 9 year old asked what it meant. I gave him a bullsh*t answer and he said "Oh, I thought dad was talking about an erection." (he was).
by tig2
That the kid already knows the answer. he just wants to find out if you are going to BS him. It's a test.
That is the trouble with smart kids. Not much gets by them.
by jessie
He had no clue what we were laughing about. He's a pretty naive 14 year old. He doesn't like it when we use "big words" like self-esteem and astrophysicist around him. We had to explain it to him.
And of course, HE hasn't said it since then... and he's getting VERY tired of the hubby and I repeating it to everyone who'll listen. :D
by jessie
Our hearts He's such a good guy...
... for a guy that is.
by steffi28
Kind - errrr just a normal cat lol
Its a she and she's black with white paws, so naturally I've called her socks, hubby wants to call her Jables as in Jack Black, or some other stupid name!
by shellbot
sounds eerily familiar JD..
these people are to run the reports monthly at a minimum..most people haven't run them since last year form what i can see..
and then they have the goolies to turn around to me and b!tch that one report was wrong..
i probably don't need to tell you how hard it was NOT to actually tell them exactly what i thought of them and to get thier heads out of thier behinds..
i've said it a 100 times in the past few months..these guys coulnd't find thier ass with both hands and a map
by jdclyde
by jdclyde
by rob mekel
:D
Rob
by rob mekel
to see when the bosses are panicking and y're leaving the ship ... high and dry ... no worry wse :) They learn the hard way :D :^0
They should have thought about the issues when you told them before about back-up, procedures, study, ... and god knows what you have asked, before you made the step to leave :)
Must be sweet, Shellbot, to notice their panic but remember ... maybe some day ... you will be in their shoes ...
But then again you won't make their mistakes by not listen to your employees ... would you :)
:x
Rob
by maecuff
When I'm asked I just say "its the water"
then they say "HUH?"
thenI say "That's what the doctor said"
then they say "what's wrong with the water?"
then I say
"we just can't use it at the same time anymore!"
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