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I have determined that living a successful and happy life is contained in 3 Stooges short films.

Here is the list of life's lessons that the Stooges espoused:

1. You are a moron. This is acceptable as your friends are morons also.
2. People in positions of power, judges, lawyers, cops, and politicians are all bigger morons than you.
3. As a moron, you will be hired for work, for which you are totally incompetent. Your friends that assist you in performing this work are also equally incompetent.
4. When angry with your friends, it is perfectly acceptable to poke them in the eyes with your fingers.
5. It is also acceptable to beat your friends on the head with cast iron skillets, hot irons, hammers and large metal files. Due to superior physical conditioning, no one is ever injured.
6. When you are angry with your friends, you are required to state the following phrase: ?I am gonna murderize ya!?
7. Morons growl and bark when angry.
8. Sexy women love men with bald heads or fluffy hair or a soup bowl hair cut, as long as you are a moron.
9. Sexy women that live in expensive mansions should always be careful watched by a moron as they are always up to no good.
10. If you are a bald headed moron, you can dress up in women?s clothing and lipsynch to opera records. No one will notice that you are a man.
11. Morons use unusual ingredients when cooking, such as India ink, duck feathers, and soap flakes.
12. Morons serving turkey at a dinner will often observe that the entr?e will squawk when carved, make noises and dance upon the table.
13. All moron dinner parties must include a food right featuring cr?me pie. Pastries loaded with messy fruit filling may be substituted.
14. Morons always defeat criminals and evil-doers with a few eye pokes and hammer head bashing techniques.
15. Whenever Pop Goes the Weasel is played, morons must stand ready to fight as if in a boxing ring.
16. Morons are notoriously lousy campers and hunters. The animals always have the advantage with their superior intelligence, even if their hides are severely moth-eaten.
17. Morons are accomplished musicians. Note however that morons playing violins will often be whacked over the head with either the bow,the violin or both.
18. Morons are often great dancers. You simply need your moron friends to fire up the swing band.
19. Morons are not appreciated until they are no longer with us to make us laugh.
20. And the only way to answer yes to a question is ?Sointanly Sointnaly nyuck nyuck nyuck.?

So make your life easier in the IT world. Use a Stooge Lesson today!