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Things that make you go "AAAAAAGH!" - Rant warning!

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by Member 25348569 2 views

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I'm sitting here watching my telly - Gordon Ramsay in Kitchen Nightmares - and I've been assaulted!

On my screen has just appeared an advertisement for Coca Cola. In it a chubby-cheeked Santa Claus (I'm sure those cheeks are false) hands a bottle of Coke to a young girl, then to the same girl a few years on, then to her daughter as a young girl and so on. The advert completes its awesome circle when the first girl, now a grandmother, hands Santa a bottle of coke. All accompanied by a choir singing "Laa Laa..."

During this awful progression of saccharine crap I was forced to sit on my hands lest I throw the nearest object at the plasma whilst the wax ran out of my ears. I am consumed with rage at the patronising bastarts who wrote and produced this and I desire their entrails wrapped round the Sacred Oak Tree in a REAL example of Yuletide spirit.

Trust me, my friends, we are so far past "Humbug" that you couldn't see it with the Hubble Telescope!

Now, the point of this - other than for the catharsis. Is this advert, as I suspect, from the US? If so, would you please write to George W. Bush AND TELL HIM TO STOP IT!

Thank you and a Merry Christmas!

Neil ]:)

Sod it! It's just come on again! Thank all of the gods that I had the remote to hand this time. I think I'm stuck with the BBC and DVDs until after Christmas...

35 replies

by maecuff

You really take this Coke/Santa thing seriously, huh? It's okay. Have a drink, oh, I know..have a Coke, relax and wait for the spirit of Christmas. Just a few more days, you know.

I'll call GW and let him know how you feel. Even though I'll risk being whisked away and never heard from again.

by Member 25348569

I like the fact that I get out to see all of the family (they all live up north), eat a lot of good food, drink a lot and play with my nevvies' toys.

It's just that this advert was like having a tooth drilled (laa laaa laa) and the chubby-cheeked Santa was smiling so hard and I couldn't find the remote (laa laaa laa) and I was starting to panic and cry and and we were getting to the state where my own small intestine (laa laaa laa) was about to throttle me to save me from being drowned im sugar syrup when just in time it ended because another generation (laa laaa laa) of these sickeningly sweet girlies and I wouldn't be here to type this and...

Aaaaaaah! Breathe!

Yep. Got to me.

by maecuff

please don't cry. And tell your small intestine to behave. You can't let it get away with trying to throttle even once. Once it thinks it can happen, it will try ALL the time. God knows I learned that lesson the hard way..

by jamesrl

How they get paid for repeating themselves week after week?

We will keep the new Dr. Who, thanks all the same.

James

by Member 25348569

Nope, I don't want it. Seen one, seen 'em all. Unfortunately its very popular because there's no thought required. It's a shame, really, as the two guys are pretty talented but it would seem that they're also very lazy.

I like the Dr who, too, though I'm really sad to see Billie Piper going. I will say that I thought Christopher Eccleston was better than David Tennant and its a shame he only gave it one series. Still, DT is pretty good. I'll let you keep a copy.

Neil :D

by drowningnotwaving

... where the fundamental premise for a show is an LA-Single-Mum selling drugs into the local suburban community, livin' the american dream.

... where in the first episode she makes a deal with a young guy to split the turf who then goes on to sell to school kids

... and the same young guy blows a rich guy in his home in exchange for more cash and drugs

... and had the first incident in a prime-time drama of the c-word from a woman (aimed at her own 11-year-old daughter because she is not skinny, no less!!!!!!)

... and it's a sitcom-drama with the air of reality!

It's must-see just simply for the bizarre-ness of it. How far can a tv show go?

by maxwell edison

I'd like to buy the world a home
And furnish it with love,
Grow apple trees and honey bees,
And snow-white turtle doves.
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony,
I'd like to buy the world a Coke
And keep it company.

(I'd like to teach the world to sing
in perfect harmony,
I'd like to buy the world a Coke
and keep it company.)

It's the real thing! Coke is what the world wants today.

by jaqui

I'm glad I don't support multimedia crap in my browser,
posting a link to that garbage is cruel and unusual punishment, it deserves death.

by jaqui

still need to die for posting a link to that crap.

even though I didn't get the displeasure of seeing / hearing it.

by maecuff

Mostly, I agree with you. But now? I think death is a bit harsh. I mean, it wasn't 'Muskrat Love' or anything.

by jaqui

not to harsh, he's inflicting that red demon satan icholas on people. ]:)

by dmambo

Where's the rant?!?

All I read is a perfectly reasonable discussion of the typical corporate manipulation of the emotions of the lesser beings who are stupid enough to fall prey to it.

It has got so bad that it almost makes one long for the hardscrabble days of "I Want to Teach the World to Sing..." (Get that into your head, Mae!!!)

Maybe I'll wrap up a can of RC Cola and put it under the tree for wifey. I'll just explain to her that the marketers got the best of me. Annnnd, it'll be a lot cheaper than being sucked in by the equally schmaltzy jewelry retailer commercials. :)

Edit: Oops, just now read above posts. Sorry for the recycled song reference. Maybe you can return it on Boxing Day.

by jcritch

Simple solution, instead of sitting in front of the Boob tube, go out and hand a few bottles of Coke to those who are hungry, and without a home.

by Member 25348569

and you want me to hand them bottles of a carbonated water sugar solution and rot what few teeth they might not already have lost.

I'm not sure whether you're being serious or not but let's assume you are even though the thread is not. if your post [b]was[/b] intended to be funny...

So, given that the number of homeless people in the US, both on a pro rata and an absolute population basis, is very much higher than that in the UK, maybe I should send some money to the richest country in the world.

Now you have a nice, smug Christmas. :)

by maecuff

a smug Christmas. I sit around with the family and we talk about how much better we are than everyone else. I bask in the knowledge that my children are so much more well-adjusted than other kids. We fix dinner that's just a little more festive and tasty than the neighbors..it's nice. And a smug Christmas is just so darn cozy. :)

by leoforward

Santa would return to the North Pole where he would remove his boots and by now reeking socks, then have a double gin or at the very least a large glass of beer. Rudolph would be there, too. How do you think they got the red cheeks and noses?

by Member 25348569

I will try to match it although I doubt that I'll be able to although I am the proud posessor of enough Tequila to kill me and most of my family so that's a good start!

By the way, how's the job going?

:D

by maecuff

have a large quantity of tequila and bourbon just waiting to be consummed. So, maybe the holidays won't be as much smug as sloppy. But, either way, it's going to be an 'S' word Christmas.

The job? I'm still employed. Still getting bussed in and out of the facility for our protection. Something is going on, I just don't what. There has been a flurry of activity revolving around closed door meetings, strangers in suits touring the facility and requests for reports regarding our assets. I assume it's for a pending sale or for closing up. No notice has been posted and from I understand, they have to post a 90 day notice if the plan is to close the doors.

In my ideal world, I would stay here until the school year ends in May so that the little one won't have to switch mid-year. And in a perfect world, I'd have a job lined up near my home town that pays better, has better benefits and has a 24 hour work week. As long as I'm dreaming, I'd also have Brad Pitt as my personal assistant.

Actually, whatever happens, happens. I've never had a difficult time getting a job. I just don't looking forward to packing up and moving. At least not when it's cold out.

by protiusx

Oh my! The people here at work are now looking at me with suspicion! I nearly fell out of my chair on that one.

by leoforward

I've lived in the U.S. for many years. The adverts here are no worse than most of what I have seen on the BBC or ITV. DVR has brought a great improvement to my television viewing. It allows me to record the program, then fast forward through the adverts. I listen to a British radio station over the internet sometimes whilst working. I have to say that each time I hear an advert for Nando's Peri Peri chicken especially the one with a fake PM pretending to have a fake Portuguese accent, I have to remove my earphones. I hate those commercials with every fiber of my being. Oh, and let's not forget those truly awful adverts for Danisssssshhhhhhhh bacon. As god is my witness, I will never eat Danissssssshhhhhh bacon as long as I live.

by Member 25348569

The BBC has no commercials on any TV or radio channel except for the too frequent adverts for their own programming. Commercial breaks on our main terrestrial channels, ITV, Four and Five are limited to 12 minutes in an hour, up from the original 7 minutes. Only on satellite do imported 42-minute bollocks like "Lost" take an hour.

US TV has typically 18 minutes of adverts in an hour block. It doesn't matter how good or bad our adverts are in comparison if you get half as much again as our worst case.

Neil :D

Tell you, though, half a Nando's Extra Hot chicken, coleslaw, fries, perinaise dip and a couple of Sagres beers and I forgive them their adverts. :p

by leoforward

Of course the BBC runs no adverts in the U.K., then again, they do have their fee for the privilege or owning a television. Over here, PBS was originally government funded but these days, there is almost no government funding; however, it remains mostly advert free at least while the programme is on. They fish for corporate donations and twice per year hold fundraisers asking viewers to pledge money. Ironically, a mainstay of PBS is old British series, and I do mean old. Several years ago, it used to carry the original Dr. Who. We also have BBC America which most certainly runs adverts whilst broadcasting Cash in the Attic and several British crime dramas and reality series. I thank Britain for really bringing reality TV to America.

God Save the Queen.

Rob

by tb2458

Hey Neil,

Lighten up. Are you a Pepsi drinker or was your cooking show on baking crumpets for beginners interrupted that got your feathers sooo ruffled?

If you paid any attention to those adverts you would know that, "things go better with Coke-Cola..." (Ha, ha)

Either way, add a little rum & say "Cheers mate!"

by Member 25348569

I have a violent reaction to anything "sweet". I once accidentally saw part of an episode of "Touched by an Angel" and I needed counselling before I could turn on the TV again.

I'm a Coke drinker - with or without rum - despite their sh:t adverts.

Neil :D

p.s. "Crumpets", why? Racial stereotyping?

by longwayoff

Neil,
Among the other things I have been thankful for lately, I can now include that I have not seen the horrible advert that started this thread. Looking forward to continuing not to see it! Happy New Year!
Lynne

by tb2458

Racial? - No. Stereotyping - all in fun... even though I'm a Yank, my Auntie married a Brit 25 years back and lives in the Midlands(not far from Black Country). Plus, I've been on holiday in London and to your bonnie countryside. I love the fish & chips with a coke.

by mazlo65

Take a break pal. If you don't like Santa then keep it to your self. Who asked you?

And what's George W. got to do with it?

I bet you blame your computer crashes on Bill Gates.

by Member 25348569

Your first post since April 2001 and it's for me! I'm honoured nearly beyond my ability to describe.

I hate to have to tell you this, though, but Christmas has been and gone, the Coke advert has stopped and the fun is over and your post is just a little late even if it was worth reading - which it isn't.

Never mind, you can try again in 2013.

Neil

Actually, I blame my computer crashes on GWB.

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