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by maecuff

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Okay, really, if you don't agree with me, you're insane.

No doubt, any two people that spend 12 years together will get on each other's nerves, but really, isn't this extreme??

My husband bookmarked a website for me, and I had to wait for 73 full seconds before I got to the end of his bookmarked websites. He's insane. How could you possibly need that many websites bookmarked?

You know, if it stopped there, I wouldn't mind. But it doesn't. If I had to guess, I'd say we have around 800 'custom mixed' cassette tapes. Really? Isn't it time to throw some of these away? His music jukebox (which I'm listening to right now) has over 20,000 songs. There isn't anything on those cassettes that can't be reproduced. But if I suggest that we clean house, his eyes hemorrhage. I love him terribly, but really, I may have to do away with him.

145 replies

by thechas

Mae,

If the stuff you have now is an issue, wait until you see what collects over the next 18 years.

I still have all of my LP's and 45's even though I have not played any of them in years. And, even though many are now duplicated on CD.

I still have custom tapes from when my wife and I were dating.

Heck, I still have stuff from high school.

My dad only allowed some of his collected items to be hauled away when the shed they were in was about to be torn down and there was no other place to store the stuff.

I'd go as far as to say that my basement and garage would make Fred Sanford cry in envy.

I have grocery bags of pictures that I need to sort and get into proper storage.

I have parts of 5 bicycles and at least 7 computers strewn about screaming for attention.

Need any software for a DOS system?

I have a lot of "I might need this someday", and "this part might come in handy" items.

I have National Geographic magazines back to 1968.

While not limited to men, many of us are collectors. If you make us give up one collection, we will start on another, if not 2 more, to replace it.

My wife has suggested that we need 2 houses. 1 nice house for her, and another for my "stuff".

While there is little hope of reforming a collector, the gene does not always get passed on. My youngest brother keeps the farm shop better organized than any of the rest of us can stand.

Chas

by maecuff

to all he has collected.

The albums alone could make any mover cry. We've used them as frisbees. He collects autographs. We have some cool ones. He has baseball cards, football cards, whatever. All in all, it's the music that could use it's own room. Fortunately, we both are avid music collectors, but I have to admit, I'm a punk compared to him.

Still. 73 seconds to scroll through bookmarks? That is beyond excessive.

by tig2

You aren't that far away. We can choose a hotel between us and fix some of this!

by schellwork

a collection doesn't seem excessive, IF, if it's properly organized. It's only when you can't find anything (or it takes 73 seconds to scroll thru) that you begin to think it's time to purge. It's NEVER time to purge, it's time to organize. Create some folders/subfolders and organize those bookmarks into something that's easily traversed! Admittedly purging can take less time.

by tonythetiger

to think about such things...

I've found myself going through stuff as well. 8-Tracks, old papers I'll never have a use for, etc. OS/2 version 1.3 anyone?

by w2ktechman

I was teasing Tigger earlier, but really, you scare me! -- lol.

you don' want to know about my Internet bookmarks then. Every now and then I just save a few dozen and wipe the rest out. then I spend hours a few months later putting them back together and re-organizing them.

Give up already, or move the favorites from the favorites folder and place them in a new folder called His Bookmarks, or just create your own folder (or your own profile for that matter). There! problem solved!

For the cassettes, what is wrong with 800? If you dont like them, dont listen to them.... (ducking for cover)....
Ok, I agree it is a bit much, but you know, once you get rid of a bunch, BOTH of you will be looking for one that was tossed in the near future.

P.S.-- if you do away with him, dont brag too much, you might get caught....

by w2ktechman

just move everything to another folder. It sounds like they are filed away pretty good, and sorted, so DO NOT get rid of hem.

Also, let him know that you moved them, or that shiny new shovel might be used on you instead! :)

I have worked on systems where I was amazed at 4-5 rows of folders, and in each folder was 1-5 pages of links. I mean really, how many will someone remember....

when mine get confusing for me, I off a bunch (and hen fill it up in the next few months).

by maecuff

this one really isn't bad. I wouldn't even call it a problem. Until we have to move (which is coming) and I have to help pack up all his collections. Except the bookmarks. They don't require their own box. I'm just picking on him because I can.

If he were here to defend himself, he might mention something about shoes, purses and books. He'd be wrong, of course. Some things are necessary and some things are not. .

by sleepin'dawg

and that is to pay extra for professional packing supplied by the moving company. Over the years I had gone with [b][i]small[/b][/i] local movers and done my own packing but for the last few moves that I've made, I've used a larger moving company, one with a packing service and storage capability.

While the small mover is definitely cheaper, the big surprise was that having my stuff packed by the mover actually added only about $600 - $750 to my moving costs. That might sound like a lot but when you consider the time you spend running around accumulating boxes, tape and packing material, plus all the time spent packing everything securely with the hope that nothing gets broken, you will find the additional cost, money well spent.

Add to that the lack of stress normally generated by a move and you will consider it a blessing. I moved from a large five bedroom house into a two bedroom condominium and even though there were going to be obvious space problems, using the pros eliminated much of it. The packers showed up the day before the move and packed and labled everything, while I supervised. They even arrived with special wardrobe boxes for my clothes and special boxes for my computer equipmnet and entertainment centre. That night I went to a hotel and next day I went to my condo to direct the traffic. Anything I didn't have a ready need for was set aside to be put into storage. The movers did all the unpacking and there was not one item broken. I'm the last male survivor of my family so over the years had accumulated a lot of family heirlooms from art work and furniture to silver and chinaware. A lot of it I passed onto my son and daughter but I was still left with loads of stuff, stuff which wasn't to my taste or which I didn't need. I considered the eBay route but in the end I had a professional assessor come in, place a value on it and donated it to several local museums, reaping some nice tax write offs.

Even after giving a lot of stuff away, there was still quite a bit left over, stuff I didn't have any immediate need for, so I had it placed in storage. I kept a list of things I missed and knew were in storage and after 15 months or so I went to the storage unit, retrieved everything that was on my list and then called the "Goodwill" people and gave them the rest. Again I got a receipt for tax purposes. I figured if I hadn't missed it or needed it in 15 months, I was never going to need it again and why pay for a lot of stuff I was never going to use and nobody else in my family wanted. BTW the storage fee was $190/mo and that was for 150 sq,ft. of space. The unit was loaded right to the ceiling. The amazing thing was that after 15 months, everything that I missed was able to be carried in one carload. The rest of it, which must have meant something to me at one time or other, I decided was useless to me and had to be put out of my life. That's my latest kick. Anything I haven't used or touched in a year now gets put away and if it doesn't get used/touched in three years, it goes into the recycling bin or the garbage. There are exceptions of course, like a 25 year old Thorens turntable which is still in its original packing but that's the backup for the one I do use and I still have a lot of vinyl discs (maybe 7-900) which I play regularly.

Moving is a royal pain in the ass and anything you can do to reduce the stress is a good thing even if it costs you a few bucks and as I said, not counting the storage costs, my move, including packing and unpacking, cost me an extra $700. There was no muss, no fuss and surprisingly hardly any clean up when it was all over. Think about it. My move was a three day event not an ongoing three month affair. ([i]In case you're wondering about the third day, that was spent putting up curtains and draperies, plus the rods and hanging pictures.[/i])

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

by maecuff

record albums. But if you put together the albums, CDs, prerecorded cassettes and all the mixes he's put together, I'm sure it hovers around 6,000.

by tony hopkinson

You are in the early days of your relationship, put another eight years in, this will be a storm in a teacup. :D

Seeing as I scavenge screw, nuts and bolts etc from broken kit and keep them in tins, just in case, this may not be seen as unbiased advice.
:D

by maecuff

We've been together for 12 years. We just like to keep it fresh by getting annoyed by the little things. :)

by tig2

That will get you talked about.

Mine won't get over himself regarding the God thing. I may not allow God into "our" lives. I am supposed to respect him on this issue. But he doesn't respect me at all. I am required to give. Not him.

I guess this what I get for tolerance. And it sucks rocks and sharp stones.

I'm going through a period of questioning here. And I hate to think that I am being intolerant of his atheistic position.

I hate this.

Don't pull out the shovel yet. I know that if he can see proof that the things that he holds holy can be reproduced, he will let go. Start the the process by functionally reproducing his music in other formats. Help him through the process. Then sell off the tape and make a contribution to the 3 Day. He has lost nothing and giving up his tape means something.

Just a possibility...

by sleepin'dawg

so much junk but the stuff she collects she considers as souvenirs or precious mementoes? A woman will hang on to old Valentines, birthday and Christmas cards; she will hang on to handbags, clothes and shoes which are hopelessly out of fashion or other items which a man can never fathom the reasons for why they should be retained since she no longer wears or uses them.

And yet she will get all out of sorts when a man preserves an old pair of shoes or sneakers, or an old sweat shirt which he will still wear, because they are comfortable and can still be worn for doing work around the house or the car. She will get annoyed with him for collecting odd screws and bits of wire which, from time to time, come in handy for some of those minor household repairs she might otherwise be inclined to nag about. What niggles me is that most of the stuf a woman collects, aside from old clothing items, are what I consider [b][i]"dust collectors"[/i][/b] that serve no useful function other than the decorative. I don't say we should have nothing decorative around but why so much of it. I got divorced back in 96 and this matter has been one of the major stumbling blocks to our reconciling, in fact as far as I'm concerned, it will never happen. I like living a [b][i]streamlined[/i][/b] existence.

Ask yourself what would happen to you if you went out one evening and your house and all its contents were consumed in a major conflagration. Sure you are going to miss a few items but more than 98% of your possesions are replaceable and probably insured; the one thing that you can't replace is your life. As long as you have that and remain healthy, what do a few petty trinkets matter??? Why make such a fuss over them??? Most of the stuff a man retains is functional; most of what a woman retains is decoative, either funtionally or emotionally.

This is one of the major differences between men and women. A woman will spend $1 for a $2 item she doesn't need but she can't resist the bargain; a man will spend $2 on a $1 item he absolutely needs to complete a job because he considers the time wasted making price comparisons more wasteful than the extra money spent.

I know I'm going to catch hell for these views but what the hell, I can take it, I hope.

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

by w2ktechman

shouldve buried the bone on this one!
I can smell an emassing of estrogen and the burning of ozone.
but what he heck, I'll agree with you on this one and take some heat off.

by maecuff

I agree with you more than I disagree. I (we) don't spend a lot on decorative items. I have old furniture, and really don't care much about replacing it. If my house burned down, I'd be sad about some family pictures, and maybe one or two other things.

Purses, shoes, makeup..sure, I probably have waaaay more than I need, but I wouldn't be upset if I lost them all. I'd just buy more.

Oh, and my husband has a collection of cards that I've given him over the years. Usually, I just throw them away after I read them. :)

by tig2

And I am still purging. He will let go of very little by comparison.

Today, I could pack everything I own into the back seat of a very small sedan and have room left over.

Kinda sucks.

by gadgetgirl

We're all different, so we all collect different things. Personally I have a minimum number of collections; all functional. ( ;) )

Clothes - I don't buy fashion, and usually save up for "investment clothing" which lasts. By doing this, I'm saving myself a fortune this year as I have no extra clothes to buy for the cruise.

Handbags - again, functional. I'm very fussy about handbags (sorry, that'll be purses to you foreigners) and believe in the bag fitting the occasion, so I have many. But, as I said, all functional. Again, that's saving me money later in the year.

Willow Pattern - the only non-functional (sorta) collection I have. It's on display in the kitchen, and consists of a couple of hundred items collected by three generations of the family. The only collection I couldn't replace.

Apart from that, I'm like Tig. The stuff I'd want to keep would just about fit in my car. Paperwork, keepsakes, mobile office, some clothes and I could be out of here.

Now, HOB is an entirely different matter. Yes, he has a large collection of music, but he keeps it upstairs, so I don't have to dust it. My problem is the entire room full of broken pc kit (not spares, I know the difference) that he has stockpiled.

And the tools. Around another roomful, again, some broken (5 drills are, and 3 angle grinders, I know that for a fact) but why are they spread from the porch, some in the utility room, some in the downstairs cupboards, some in the upstairs cupboards, when there is a workshop in the back attic?

What's with that? Why do tools have to be spread around the house? Don't they like being with each other or something?

As for dust collectors - I have a few precious pieces given as gifts, but on the whole I agree - I'm not a minimalist by any stretch of the imagination, but too much clutter drives me nuts.

So why, despite knowing this, has HOB, over the past 11.5 years gifted me an ornament cabinet and enough dust collectors to fill it three times over?

The other thing he doesn't understand is my favourite saying - a place for everything and everything in its' place. It's the only way to know exactly where everything is so you can put your hand straight on it.

So what happens? I get to put everything away. He's totally incapable of putting anything away at all and even when he does, can never find it again.....

This from the guy who hooked me by telling me that you can't have clutter or be untidy when you live on a boat......

sadly, I put him in a house

and I'm constantly paying the price! X-(

GG

oh, and Dawg, darling, you just know I left the sexy undies collection off the list [i] deliberately [/i] ........ :x ;)

by ddmcp2000

I couldn't have said it better myself! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I got yer back, Dawg!

by nicknielsen

The mover assumes responsibility for the contents of all cartons, boxes, etc. so that anything damaged in transit can be claimed as a loss when you unpack.

If you pack it and it is damaged in transit, you assume responsibility for the packing and the mover is not liable.

by w2ktechman

did you get my PM? half of the page wa not displaying for me when I wrote it, so I was not ure how much you could see (if it even sent).

by maecuff

In a way, we've traded some roles, but most couples probably do. But there isn't any gender confusion in my family. :)

by deepsand

If my bookmarks/favorites were all stored in the main Folder/Sub-Directory, it would take an awfully long time to scroll through all of them. But, it need not be like that.

The Favorite/Bookmarks Directory can easily be structured just like any other one.

By categorizing the individual entries, setting up separate Folders/Sub-Directories for each Category, carefully selecting the Name of each individual entry, and sorting all of the Folders/Sub-Directories and entries by Name, I can get to any particular entry in no time flat.

As for the music tapes, for the sake of your relationship, I think that you're going to have to settle for having them stored as neatly as possible. After all, 800 tapes really does not take up all that much space.

by hal 9000

My son's wife piratically has a Video Store in her house of VHS Tapes that she's collected. Honestly I don't know just how many there are there but they are stacked from the floor to 8 feet high against every wall in the house except the kitchen.

Actually I think that the average Video Store wouldn't have had that many Videos when VHS was the norm. Now she's slowly moving everything to DVD and she currently has one entire 25 foot long wall pilled to the ceiling with DVD Cases and here they have 12 foot ceiling's for the heat. That's an awful lot of DVD's on just one wall and then there are the Videos. She also leaves her shoes where she drops them which is having a bad effect on [b]SWMBO[/b] as she has now started leaving shoes in the middle or rooms where you walk in the dark and fall over. I think that I'm winning that one though as whenever I find shoes where they don't belong I pick them up and throw them in th rubbish so that curse is slowly getting back to normal with her deluge of footwear being placed in positions where they are likely to break your neck.

The fact that the Possum stole one of her shoes recently didn't hurt either. :D

Col ]:)

by steffi28

In fact it sounds exactly like my husbands VHS/DVD collection I didnt know that there was that many DVD's until I met him! Ive really never seen so much in my whole life!

As for his favourites thats one place I never go to, I really really dont wanna know whats in there I looked once and never went back :p

by deepsand

Yeah, I know that you may not read this, but I would like you to know that, in regards to our appreciation of vinyl, we do in fact have at least one thing in common.

If you can bring yourself to reply, what types of music do you have on vinyl?

by lh4x4

After filling up an 1100 sq ft basement, a 1500 sq ft garage with 600 sq ft of loft space, I realized I had a problem, Now GoodWill has 100 restored bicycles, furniture, tv's, tools, and much more. I got down to 9 computers on my home network and gave away the other 15.

Like any addict, you just come to a point that you must change direction. Now, what to do with the other 60 bicycles?

by hal 9000

Rid of some of her shoes you might have some room to move in your house right? :D

Col ]:)

by maecuff

I am rarely snippy. I just have opinions AND breasts. Apparently, that bothers some people.

by dmambo

Please be sure to post whatever methods you're considering to use in getting rid of him. From my own experience, I wouldn't recommend actually murdering him. You don't need him gone, you just need to do away with some of his offensive behaviors.

Think about getting him a back alley lobotomy (google "cheap brain surgery" or "discount lobotomies"). These are getting cheaper all the time, and if you shop around, you can find some decent quality.

If this is out of your price range, you can find him a girlfriend and while he's running around, discard his cassettes and delete his PC profile. If you go this route make sure you find a real skanky trailer-trash type who he'll get sick of shortly after your clean-out is done. Too much of a hottie, and he might not come back.

Another alternative might be to set a fire to your house while you're both out. This will get rid of his collection, but the collateral damage is often high.

Finally, if none of the above are acceptable to you, secretly enlist him in the National Guard. When he gets called up, insist that he bring along his tapes as a "touch of home". The first sandstorm will probably ruin them, or he'll end up giving them out to the poor Iraqi children to endear the U. S. Army to them. Nothing goes farther in building cooperation than an Iraqi urchin bringing home 90 minutes of Disco Hits.

Good thing you posted this problem on TR instead of trying to handle it yourself.

by maecuff

I think I'll just keep using his 'pack rat' habit as a reason to nag. I like to do that when he's already annoyed about something. It actually makes blood squirt out of his eyes. And that is fun for the whole family..

by dmambo

Keeping a reason to nag in your arsenal is just good, smart marriagery. The more mundane and idiotic, the better. That makes nagging over more important things seem even more profound. I can't tell you how much mileage I've got from my wife's constant failure to pick up the wad of loose hair from the shower drain. Then, when she scrapes the car bumper on the garage, smacks her lips while eating, or commits some other such serious offense, it's perfectly reasonable for me to demand a ski weekend or new power tool as compensation.

With each of your posts mae, I am convinced more and more that you are wise beyond your years; even all those years that you're dealing with.

by maecuff

other than your little slam on my age (I believe you are older than me, right)? I'm with you. Especially the hair in the shower drain. Why is it that I'm the one that has to pick the hair out? I'm not the one shedding. It's gross. My stepdaughter has long, thick hair and she leaves what looks like a dead mouse in the drain after she showers. And the 8 year old? Well, he WILL pick the hair out of the drain, but instead of throwing it in the trash, which is maybe 4 feet from the bathtub, he sticks it to the wall.

by gadgetgirl

IF, the ex, used to get the hair out of the drain and throw it into the toilet pan.....

and forget to flush.

Any guesses how far a GG can jump when having to go in the middle of the night, and that's [i] stuck to the side of the bowl? [/i]

GG

by hal 9000

Wasting water unnecessarily like that is a hanging offence over here now. If you are caught wasting water you'll be hung before nightfall, unless of course you are the local Council or State Government who waste lots every day.

Besides you should know far better than to flush that hair away it clogs the outlets of Sullage tanks and then you have a real smelly mess to clean up. I thought you said you knew about boats?

Col

by dmambo

Maybe I am about 5 years and 9 months older than you, or maybe I'm a 20 year-old whiz kid who just finished writing my thesis for my Masters degree in Archeaology (how DO you spell that word?). That's the beauty of this forum, I might be able to hide behind a totally fabricated on-line personality.

Of course that assumes that I'm smart enough to build an on-line personality different than a middle-aged family guy with a pretty decent bald spot starting.

I'm...ummm... a ski instructor at Vail in the winters and I have a little surf shop in the San Diego area that I run in the summers. You can verify all this by checking out my TR profile

by hal 9000

[i]Why do tools have to be spread around the house? Don't they like being with each other or something?[/i]

They have to be kept separate or they tend to breed and the women get very upset when this happens as they find more power tools to throw around insisting that they don't work. After being thrown down several flights of stairs and onto concrete is it any wonder that they no longer work?

But you need to keep them around for spare parts as when you buy a replacement the moment that you throw out the dead one the new one is sure to break the moment that the guarantee is over and you could have used the part off the other one to fix this one up for no cost. :D

I no longer throw anything away as every time that I've done this it's cost me a small fortune to buy bits that I've had previously not being used. :p

But if you are interested I have a swag of Sewing Machine Parts that I'll quite happily sell all new for Elna, Bernina and Husky mainly with some of the rare Singer & Phaff stuff thrown in for good measure. Only the good stuff and none of the junk that these companies sold latter. though none of the tools are for sale. :)

Col

by tig2

And yes, I do still use it- though not as much as I would like to.

We could work a deal...

by dawgit

make one of those, ?:| about 20 years ago?
hummmm. I must be getting old? And you're still driving it? You are a masocist. -d

by hal 9000

Actually because the Cam Gear is a molded plastic thing and the Stroke Crank is also Molded you should use it regularly or the Plastic hardens up and then breaks requiring those bits to be replaced with some redesigned parts to cut back on the problem but not totally eliminate it.

You also need to check the Bobbin Winder as they go hard and a redesigned one has been produced which uses a cheap O Ring instead of the complete unit. Then there are the motor Brushes that need replacing before they wear out and there is a condenser on the motor that most so called mechanics pull off instead of replacing it and then with the next severe Power Surge the motor gets trashed.

The other things are a lack of use causes bits to jam up things like the Stitch Selection lever will work but not the other lever on the top which will stick and when pulled to engage the patterns will pull out of the Zig Zag and not engage into the Pattern lock or go back to the Zig Zag Lock so you can only straight stitch after that.

I actually had one woman insist that I had given her back the wrong sewing machine as her 830 didn't do any of those 20 different patterns. :D

[b]Whoops No[/b] I don't know anything at all about Sewing Machines and anyone who claims differently is going to get sued for Defaming me. :p

Col

by hal 9000

Is Jail Bait and enjoys getting Ski Instructors locked away. :(

I never would have believed this horrible truth. :_|

Col ]:)

by hal 9000

It will remove any little self inflicted problems that you may have and you'll enjoy siting still watching the paint peel off the walls if the dosage is right. God you could even watch cricket and understand what happening if they give you enough. :D

You are being totally unreasonable though if you really want to you should have separate User Accounts on the computer so you don't see anything that might upset you. As for the Tapes Rip them all to MP3 format and place them all on a I Pod that will get rid of the tapes and prevent [b]Print Through[/b] on the tape because it's not being regularly used. B-)

See you can do yourself a favour and make [b]Your Lord & Master Happy as well.[/b] :p

If you get one of the 40 GIG IPods you should be able to fit every thing on the tapes onto it and still have room to spare. It would also give you the opportunity to do some work and rip the tapes to the HDD so you could surprise your better half. :D

Col ]:)

by gadgetgirl

I thought you were going to volunteer to do that for Mae.

After all, you're not that busy, are you? :p

Well, you can't be.

You're only [b]a man [/b] after all....

:D

GG

by hal 9000

But as this is Mae we are speaking about I know that [b]Me Being a Mere Male[/b] could never approach her lever of [b]Perfection[/b] so I naturally didn't offer. :p

I just gave her an idea of what she could do with all those tapes in one swoop. Besides I don't own a Cassette Player so I can not copy from cassette to Computer and rip to MP3. Now if they where all half inch wide Open Reel Tapes it would be a different story. :D

I know that when [b]SWMBO[/b] starts nagging about something it's better to let her do it as she's never happy with what I do she always finds fault with my work even though what I do works better than anything that she tries to do her stuff is always better. :(

Besides the last time that she really got hot under the collar she pushed a Mercedes onto me and tried to kill me so I know much better than to do anything that she asks when she's nagging. It's far less painful that way. :^0

Col ]:)

by av .

My my my! Oceans can separate us but its the same old same old everywhere, isn't it.

I think Prozac is in order, but for the Lord and not the Lady. Heres how I see it. Prozac for the Master and then the Lady moves the tapes out to the garage. In the meantime, the Lord remains with his remote in front of the telly in his armchair paradise, mesmerized by replays of sports and doesn't know the better. :^0

by maecuff

But the Lord does not watch television. Obviously. He's too busy collecting bookmarks and listening to music. :)

by sleepin'dawg

the excess estrogen that keeps us awake at nights, if we don't want to join John Wayne Bobbit in a real short arm type situation.

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

by maecuff

there's a big fat line between an opinion and mutilating another human. Although, I suspect he had it coming to him. :)

by av .

It sounds like your hubby has it real bad. My hubby has it too and he unfortunately has never changed after 30 years of "togetherness" and every angle I could think of to try to change him. Oh, what I put myself through!

Heres how I handle it now. I don't look at his collection of custom cassette tapes we will never hear again. I don't look at his computer with bookmarks to nowhere, I bought my own computer. If he wants to show me a bookmark he can email it to my own personal email account on my computer.

I never could get him to clean or organize anything, so I had to give up for my own sanity. He didn't clean or organize in the real world, so I knew there was no hope that he'll ever virtually do it either.

He now has his own space and I have mine even though we live in the same house. I think soon we may have enough old cassettes and video tapes though to build him his own house, so theres hope. :^0

So, Mae, for your own sake, make your own personal sanctuary and remember, don't look.

AV

by maecuff

I think that's the best road to take. Now, if you can please tell me how to ignore him when he makes fantastic leaps to win an argument, I'd have it all.

by tig2

So tell me- does he ever really "win an argument" based on fantastic leaps? My bet is no.

I let him have whatever. I do draw the line at silliness that irritates me beyond four letter words.

I also try to ignore the fact that he can be a real nimwit sometimes. It helps.

And I frequently remind him when it is time to bring home a pressie. It works for me.

by av .

Let him think he wins. If you don't argue back, he won't have any wind left in his sails. He may initially think that you've finally "seen the light". Of course, he would be wrong.

Pursue your own interests, the things that make you happy. If you show him you are no longer interested in trying to change him, and you have new interests that don't involve him, his cassette collection may suddenly not be as important to him as it was before.

by tig2

You are just so bad. Of course I am not driving a 20 year old BMW.

New is better.

by tig2

DMambo, let me just remind you here about the new, sharpened shovel that Mae currently has.

You are working on the "borrowed time" look here...

by hal 9000

The older ones are the best things like the Star Series Elna, anything prior to the 930 Bernina will work forever perfectly well if looked after but the new ones are a pile of rubbish that are cheaper to replace than repair when they break down.

But then again as there have been no Mechanics trained in the past 30 odd years maybe that's a good thing.

Col

by tig2

I thought I had a broken cam stack as I have only been able to straight stitch for some time- which is a real pain when you need to make a buttonhole!

I will have the repairman look at the Stitch Selector lever as well. I know that this is solvable.

I learned to sew on an Elna- circa 1960- knee rheostat and all. I will never give up my Bernina. I know that I can't get a better machine than the 830. Every quilter I know wants it. None of them can have it!

by hal 9000

And look at the Stitch Selector lever you'll see a bit of metal that pivots between two v shaped pieces of metal and locks into them the one at the front is for Zig Zag and the one at the back is for Stitch Selection of the 20 built in patterns. This bit becomes gunky and sticks particularly if the wrong oil is used as Singer Oil and Bernina Oil are incompatible and you get a chemical reaction causing a black glue like substance to build up and clog up the works. Also if the oil is left in direct sunlight the UV sends it off. So it needs to be replaced with any of the following Oils Elna, Bernina, Phaff or Husky.

What you can do to fix your little problem is use a solvent to break up the semi solid lubricant but don't have the machine plugged in at the time and have a lot of ventilation. Metho will do nicely and break up the oil residue but you need to be very careful with it as it burns very well so you need to be sure that there is none left in the machine when you run it after making sure that the bit of metal swings freely between the 2 V shaped things and locks into each one.

I use Mohawk Safety Solvent or at least I used to when I fixed Sewing Machines as it doesn't catch fire but it's expensive and you need to buy at least a 20 Litre can which isn't much use to a single user. I would suggest that you fill an old oil Bottle with Metho and liberally apply it to the area affected and work the lever back and forward till the thing moves freely. You can keep adding Metho till everything is free and working properly.

Once it's free you'll need to allow the thing to dry out and make sure that all the metho has evaporated before using it again. If you leave it for a day or so in a well ventilated area it should be fine.

With the Free Arm Cover off you can also take the chance to clean out all the crud and make sure that you have got out all the lint on the Feed Dogs that gets compressed down under the Needle Plate.

OH BTW there is something better than an 830 for Quilting it's one of the 50 series Bernina's as they are a light Industrial and are faster but have the same reliability as the 30 series of the Bernina's. So if you ever see a 750, 850 or 950 grab it as they are like hens teeth.

When I worked at Bernina I sold more 950's than they had planed on selling for an entire year in 1 month and I was only the repair man. But I actually built up such a big demand for 950's that Bernina had to either increase the production line as they didn't have enough room to make the things or stop making them. They chose to stop making them and sold off the molds and the complete assembly and manufacturing plant to a Spanish Company who are now making a killing on selling the things. You've got to hand it to bankers when you oversell something they should be happy not stop making the things that are making a profit for them. :D

[b]OH DAM DAM DAM DAM !!!!!!![/b] I don't know anything about [b]Sewing Machines[/b] and if anyone says anything different I'll lie my head off to get out of fixing them. :p

Col :_|

[i]I'm now going to have a very large dose of IV Valium to calm down after those [b]Bad Memories Resurfaced.[/b][/i] :_|

by maecuff

I don't want to change him. We just annoy each other sometimes because, well, we're both pretty annoying.

Yes, NOT arguing back would take the wind out of his sails, but do you know how HARD that is? It's almost physically impossible for me to not argue, especially when the argument being made is 'out there'.

Oh sure..in typing this, I can see how one could think that it's MY problem. But I don't think so. :) I'm pretty sure my head will actually explode if I don't respond to ridiculous arguments, so really, it's self-preservation.

by dmambo

The immortal words of Adam West in his role as Batman come to mind when I read your posts, TT and mae. Please bring yourselves to the realization that men will only change when they want to change. It must come from within and no external influences; not sex, not money, not pleading, not beer (well maybe beer!) can affect the rate of change.

(Actually, if the creationists were clever enough, this is the single argument that they could make to bolster their case. No man has ever been known to change his habits, ergo we were all born this way and we've been the same since the beginning of time. It's simple, empirical logic.)

If you ladies would simply stop trying to force men to alter their life-habits, then the world would be a more harmonious place. If you want flowers, jewelry, a fancy dinner or a vacation at a spa resort, stop trying to cajole and/or drop hints. Go out and buy these things yourselves. You get your stuff, we get to stay home and watch the game, everyone wins!!!

The net karmaic result of this scenario is so far weighted on the plus side that I can't even figure out how to measure it. I hope I didn't slaughter the tenets of eastern philosophy too much with that statement, but I think you get my point.

Good luck to all of us in our new found understanding of how the others work. You're welcome. :)

by tig2

Sometimes, DMambo, you just make me shake my head.

The sooner you male types realise how right we are, the better off you will all be.

If I have to buy me the pressie, he will not reap any of the potential benefit. If he does, he might.

Hmmm. Potential benefit is not to be read as sex. He will or will not get that based on other factors. No, I will not tell you what those are.

by av .

I've been there too. My hubby says I could have the last word with an echo. Use reverse psychology. Focus on the end result - the response you want to see. The more you push, the more he'll resist.

by dmambo

I believe the word you meant to use was "nod".

"Sometimes, DMambo, you just make me NOD my head."

I think "nod" would do a better job of connoting the idea of mental assent that you were hoping to convey. :D

by sleepin'dawg

You are doomed to failure. Men and women use different sorts of logic. Men only use objective logic in the abstract, ie., somebody else's ox is being gored. They tend towards the subjective when it applys on a personal level.

Women, on the other hand, are always subjective and on a personal level will add a touch of vindictiveness to the proceedings when you least expect it. Always remember,
[b][i]"There is some self-interest behind every friendship.
There is no Friendship without self-interests.
This is a bitter truth."[/b][/i]

Men tend to forget that but women have it hard wired into them from the moment of conception.

Look at the differences that men and women have regarding friendship.
[b][i][u]Friendship Between Women:[/u]
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's
house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
[u] Friendship Between Men:[/u]
A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed
that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.[/i]

Dawg[/b] ]:)

by sleepin'dawg

Not Tonight Honey

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing. And, I
never have figured out why men think with their head (??) and women with
their heart. And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene
gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it,
I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and every husband on the
planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional
needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally
realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to bed.
The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store...I
walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She
couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of
them.
She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I
say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of
diamond earrings.
Let me tell you ...she was so excited. She must have thought that I was
one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared.
I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because
she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told
her that it was OK.
She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen
her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel
like buying all this stuff now."
You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said,
"Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I said,
"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."
I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the spring
thaw.

[b][i]Do you understand [u]now[/u]???[/i]

Dawg[/b] ]:)

by av .

Referring to your Not Tonight Honey post. Didn't you just say this in a previous post?

"Women, on the other hand, are always subjective and on a personal level will add a touch of vindictiveness to the proceedings when you least expect it. Always remember . . ."

I think your shopping example is much more vindictive than your wife's "I don't feel like it." You were playing a game with an end in mind as retaliation for what your wife didn't do the night before. Maybe your wife didn't want it at the same moment you did. So? How could you hold that against her? Sometimes men and women are just not on the same page at the same time. Sometimes intimacy is just being physically close but nothing more. Whats wrong with that?

AV

by sleepin'dawg

Your hubby?? Now I know where you're coming from; your alias was sort of gender neutral. LOL ;)

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

by sleepin'dawg

How many [b]"headaches"[/b] and not being tuned into her feelings were pulled on him before she got that single little bit of payback. :^0

What she doesn't realize is that she is laying the groundwork for the excuse of the acquisition of a trophy wife. Ain't divorce fun for all concerned???

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

by hal 9000

If it's good enough for one side to do this type of thing and hold out for what they think they want what's wrong with a bit of Payback? :D

They are actually setting themselves up for things like this to happen to them and then get all upset when it does. They need a lesson in [b]Reality[/b] for their own protection and the sooner that it happens the better off everyone will be. :p

It's called [b]Tough Love[/b]and comes highly recommended.

Col

by oz_media

Maye he's making his own little Internet. Soon he'll be able to create a 'Bookmark's' browser and search engine.

Yup, I am a real stickler on shortcuts too, anymore than 1.5 rows and you're a loser. :)

As for music, the more the merrier....and it's never too old, too odd or too obsolete.

by marty r. milette

A Russian software development company created a cool tool to solve the bookmark insanity problem -- called "myFavorites".

Lets you not only keep and organize your bookarks, but also copies of the pages themselves. Very cool at: http://www.bookmark-manager.net

(I worked for them several years ago. I get nothing for mentioning their product.)

by dr_zinj

The Diagnosis

On bookmarks:
Yes, your husband is suffering from chronic bookmarkitis. To paraphrase Dr. Peter Venkman, "No human being bookmarks this way." The maximum number of usable bookmarks would consist of a single vertical column of folders, each with a single vertical column of sites. Roughly 23 to 24 entries in length. For those mathgeeks out there, that comes out to about 576 bookmarks.

On the cassette tape collection:
The plethora of custom-mixed audio tapes sends me a mixed message. There is a distinct advantage of analog audio cassette tape over digital tape, or CD in that you get the full range of all sounds recorded. Digital uses a sampling methodology which does skip everything between sample points. The problem with tape is they degrade as they are used, and worse, degrade over time just sitting there. Your hubby won't likely notice as his hearing will probably degrade at the same rate. When he's 85 he'll be listening to white noise and thinking he's got a tape of the Who in the machine.

Prescription:
For the bookmarks, I'll wager a creme-filled Dunkin Doughnut that Hubby has bookmarked individual sites more than once. First thing to do is consolidate and eliminate duplicates. Second thing is to find he sites that have static information that he wants to be able to access and copy the files to your harddrive. Make sure you copy the site URL, date, and author of the page/document for proper quoting and attribution. If that still doesn't bring the total down enough, wipe all his porn sites. Tell him you thought you found child porn on some of them and you wanted to protect him from a legal nightmare. Alternatively, you could open his bookmark file with a text editor and do a Find and Replace of all the "e"'s in the file with a "@". Next time he tries to use it, it will appear to be corrupted. He'll just have to delete it and start over.

Alas, the 20,000 song collection on cassette sounds like typical hoarding behavior. Incurable. Be glad he's not hoarding live chickens in the house.

by jc williams

I love my wife dearly, but I have wondered why she has so many shoes/boots/sandals, not to mention the several robes that hang behind the bathroom door (2 I have never seen here wear in 8 years), or the majority of the closet space devoted to many skirts, dresses, and blouses that have either never been worn, or only worn once or twice since I met her.

So, I have 4 computers (all work), and some hobby stuff. Camping gear and tools take up the rest of my stuff. The rest of the "stuff" is mutual "household" things for the holidays or decorative items. Why do I have to give up more space for the wardrobe that is going into the garage to store the "winter clothes"? Don't know ? any ideas?

by w2ktechman

cause she wont give up any space.
You really have 2 choices, get on her good side, or get on her bad side.

To get on her good side, give up a few things. Un-clutter your hobby mess, sell your tools, and go to 1 comp.
Then when she wants housework done tell her that her clothes took up soo much room that you had to sell your tools and to hire a contractor to fix the door, et.
Or
Build another room to store things in.

To get on her bad side,
do not give up any space of your own. Walk her through the house and compare area usage. Prove that she is using much more space than needed. Show her that it is OK to give old clothes to goodwill, etc.
OR
take all of her clothes that she has not worn, and put them in the back of a truck. take them to goodwill, etc.
OR
take all of those said clothes/other items into the backyard. Pile them up. If needed for the bonfire, apply for a permit. after each layer of piling them up, give a dose of gas/lighter fluid. Watch out and be careful while lighting it.
Back up and stand by with a hose. But remember, do not get into a hysterical laugh as you watch it go up in flames. You may be mistaken for a lunatic.

by maecuff

It's not a matter of enough shoes. It's whether or not you have all the RIGHT shoes. It's a journey. And unfortunately, one that requires space. :)

by w2ktechman

and have a shelf put in.... There, plenty of space for small crap

.........ducking now........actually started running

by ccerratom

ha, ha ha, .... sorry ... :-)

Well, you are not alone.

You and my wife could be best friends, really.

And for sure, lot of peple in the list will agree with me.

but, surely you can organize that bookmarks and turn it into something more manageable.

And of course, is insane, ... but that?s the way his mind works.

Maybe you could help in organize, or at least ask him make a folder just for your bookmarks, at the very least.

Keep the good work.

Friendly....

by av .

I don't think she was. What if she just couldn't get into it? Hey guys, a little bit of understanding goes a long way. It didn't sound like Dawg's post said it was like that ALL the time. S*x is not like video on demand, you know.

Instead of being sensitive to his wife's feelings (which may have resulted in what he wanted anyway), he had a childish reaction because he couldn't get his way.

From a woman's standpoint, that just says he is an insensitive bear (sorry Dawg, couldn't resist :^0 ).

You know I'd like to know if your girlfriend and not your wife did that to you if you would react the same way? I think it would be different because once a woman says "I do", all romance and sensitivity goes right out the window. Its just socks on the floor and toilet seat up forever more.

by hal 9000

I treat everyone exactly the same way. Be it the wife, girl fiends when I had them customers or staff if they don't have a decent reason for not doing as they are asked they get taught a lesson.

I still think that the best one was one of the customers walking up to me and saying that because of all the Porn Pop Ups work was getting in the way of his Porn Surfing when he actually meant that the Porn was getting in the way of his work. I couldn't help myself I burst out laughing then fixed his NB and suggested that maybe it wasn't such a great idea to loan it to others as you would never know what would happen.

BTW I didn't for a minute think that the woman in question was being vindictive in the slightest she was just being a woman and there is no way to ever come close to understanding how their minds work so I don't try, that's just a exercise in futility that never brings about a good result so I go without the problems. :p

Col ]:)