Worst management lines

My previous boss (I now am in his position) was all about appearances. He wanted his staff to make him look good, regardless of the situation. Our CEO asked him for a report, and he told him, "Not only will you get the report, but I will make sure Michelle (me) has it finished for you in 15 minutes. He came to my desk, gave me the specs, looked at the clock and said "You have 15 minutes. Go." He then invited the CEO to stand over my shoulder and watch how fast I could code. Nothing like feeling like a trained monkey...

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I've lost (not by choice) three jobs in my life:

1. I was fired because I deserved to be fired. It was a sales job, and the only thing I did was run up my expense account. It was fun while it lasted, though. However, this was the best thing that could have happened to me at the time. (1980)

2. The last paycheck that bounced, and word from the company bookkeeper that it couldn't be covered anytime soon, showed everyone the writing on the wall. This was a real eye-opener as to the risks of working for a very small firm. (1989)

And the one to answer your question:

3. This was in an architectural office that heavily depended on school bond ballot issues, as 90% of the projects were designing schools. Almost all of about a dozen school bond issues failed to pass. The owner called about five people (a 10 person office), including me, into the conference room and said, "The voters of Springfield decided that you didn't really need a job." (1990)

The small firm I worked for had 365 days previously been acquired by one of the premier companies in IT -- a name you would all get with ten guesses or less. We had gone to a "welcome" seminar explaining how much they cared about their "family." The staff went to retreats where they were taught to close their eyes and fall off of a rope ladder in order to learn that their co-workers were always there to catch them. On day 365 (as stipulated in our contracts) our boss, clearly in shock herself, had the duty of phoning all of us -- telecommuters, no chance to do it all at once or face to face -- with the bad news. She stammered on for the better part of an hour, never coming to the point, but clearly telegraphing it. The whole thing stands as the "worst line" in my memory, but the portion I remember most clearly really stands out: "So, on [date], you will make a transition from being one of those who is a member of [company's] workforce to being one of those who is a member of the workforce outside [company]." I swear, I had all I could do to not feel sorry for HER!

During the big dip in the economy in '01 our company hired a "business consultant" whom got the kind nickname "Dr. Death" because his job was to go company to company firing people. They called employees in one at a time, gave them the news, "comforted" them, then showed them the door. You were not even allowed back to your desk!

I did not get the boot, but I was the one in charge of making certain that anyone that did get the boot had their account deactivated and all access from their home blocked before their meeting was over. Any IP they ever used to access any resource that I did not know what it was got the block.

Could you imagine if your job was to fire people, every day, day in and day out... Esh...

Some of the lines I hate the most are:

"Well Bob, the reason I called you in is....."

"Your work has been good but........."

I hate to hear of managers beating around the bush. They pump you up only to let you down. Employees need to know more than what the company is doing. They need to know they are appreciated.

That is why I started my company Gallagher Communications. Check us out at http://www.gallaghercommunications.com

Chris Gallagher
chris@gallaghercommunications.com

"I think you'd be happier elsewhere."
This one has been given to me twice. The first was when I kept doing the job really fast and ended up sitting on my hands the rest of the day.

The second was after I took my legal 10 minute break on a manual labor job. (Handed me my $100 and I was gone.)

The big one for my career came more coldly when my IT company had a drone phone me up to say that my position was being eliminated on Friday, but I was able to clean out my own stuff from the cube and still go to the BBQ a few weeks later. Still, the atmosphere during the layoffs was truly creepy. It was almost like a cloud of tangible evil was hanging over the place.