friday yuk

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.

It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the first candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the second candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate.

"Yes. You're wearing contacts."

Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?"

"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears."

_____________________________________________

A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''

The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''

____________________________________________

A little boy was sitting next to his mother at church when he whispered to his mother, "Mommy, I have to piss."

The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.

The next Sunday, the little boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.

He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''

The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''

____________________________________________
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....

Officer: What's 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"
_____________________________________________

Never play leap-frog with a unicorn.

he started the YUK for this week.

Max!!, calling Max!! Your playmate misses you!!!

http://support.microsoft.com/kb/q276304/
First time Microsoft Support have made me laugh.

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "Exactly how many is a brazillion?"

THE DOMINO THEORY

Since Domino's Pizza launched its internet service in 1999, every eighth pizza delivery in Britain is now triggered by an online order. For those of us who can no longer type, let alone leave the house, Domino's has now launched a text-ordering service. Once a customer has registered for the service they can use their thumb (presumably the only part of them that still moves) to create special text names for their favourite regular order. And their credit card is billed automatically, so they don't even have to reach for their wallet. No doubt they use abbreviated text protocols, so their favourites will be called something like Gr8F@Tw@.

OH NOAH

Ain't it grand to know that American Christians are bang up to date with scientific progress? An Opinion Research survey reveals that 1 in 10 devout Americans admits to being addicted to their Blackberry devices for checking emails, and verify, they cannot resist responding to email while in church. One in three also confesses to the sin of using their handhelds while driving, and now Gold River Productions of California is selling Christian ringtones on its website, with the avowed intention of spreading the word of the Lord via mobile phones.

Zygote is bemused to see children being targeted in their inept Noah's Ark selection, where for $3 young Americans can download 'genuine sounds' made by well-known Biblical creatures, such as dinosaurs. There's also a 'medium dog' ringtone, presumably in case anyone wants to get in touch with the spirit world.

Most educational of all is Gold River's declaration that its mission is to reach out to Christians "in all 220 countries in the world". Zygote would love to know which 26 countries he has overlooked, because his reference books can only list 194. Narnia ???

Excerpt - ZYGOTE Computer Shopper - December 2007 edition.

of some error codes that I created, but alas, they didnt show up.
So now I need to figure this out along with plenty of other stuffs.
Oh well, been lazy about studying this week, I should probably get back to it for Saturdays weekly test. last week I only got 70%...

I wanted to be sure to provide only the "very little encouragement" requested.

:D

I was doing GREAT until my MIL got sick last January, we spent months driving back and forth to IN eating fast food and not exercising. Then she died. Then I had to find a new job. Then my mom had a heart attack. etc. etc. Needless to say, the stress has been overwhelming for my family and I've gone up a size. I don't like that. I want my old self back.

If we can help each other, then let's do it.

What do a Clitoris, Important Day [e.g. Birthday/Anniversary] & Toilet have in common?

Men miss them all.

But, since you want it spelled out:

It's my opinion that "politically correct" is an invalid complaint. The people who submit it in fact [b]intend[/b] to offend, but also wish not to be called "offensive". In effect, it's about wanting to have cake, and eat it too. I find that much more offensive than what [b]they call[/b] "political correctness", which in most cases really means simple, old-fashioned good manners.

For an example, Imus' recent remarks about some basketball players weren't due to his ignorance of the finer points of abstract, college-level [b]political[/b] theories. He was rude, plain and simple, and the term "politically correct" tends to grant an undeserved veil of dignity to people like him who are deliberately and carelessly offensive. He doesn't deserve to be respected as an adult until he learns to behave like one.

I thought it was more valuable as "food for thought" than humor.

Kudos on the exercise & diet.

Are you suggesting that I am the reason TR is impure!!

I'm offended no wait, err thanks, err I think :p

if you need any help on the forensic or legal side, pm me!

You ok?

GG

I gave you the outline all you have to do is fill in the blanks of organising the [b]Staff Holidays[/b] so that they are not adversely impacted by the Audit. :D

I hope you do not expect me to write the paper as well. :p

Actually it's a well known fact that all Uni Professors are [b]Brain Dead Idiots[/b] who wouldn't know a joke if it was to bite them on the @$$. Perhaps you could work at giving them all a [b]Humour Injection[/b] so that they laugh and then the top of their head would fall off and shatter when they hit the ground. :^0

Actually I would offer to help you but as you are in the UK they most likely have different rules to follow. Remember we are all supposed to be [b]Convicts[/b] here so we don't follow the set rules. :0

Col ]:)

She said she wanted a LIFE, not a WIFE!

How is JD to be of any use?
:x

Sometimes it is fun to be an obnoxious brat!
:D