No, I’m not a parenting expert. No, I don’t presume to tell anyone else how to be a parent. Yes, I acknowledge that all circumstances are different. I also acknowledge that what works for one may or may not work for another. There is no “one way” to good parenting. But for whatever reason, I just thought I’d throw this out – what worked for me.
[b]Love:[/b] Unconditional love. Say it often, and show it always. There should never be any doubt in your kid’s mind that you love them. You could get angry as all get-out with your kid(s), but if they know you love them – unconditionally – everything will be fine. I’ve heard it said that it’s hard to tell a 16 year old that you love him (especially a boy), but it’s easy if you’ve been telling him that very thing for the previous 16 years. And it’s not enough to just say it, but you have to show it – and really mean it, really feel it. And I don’t necessarily mean to show it with hugs and such – although hugs and such are great for both parent and kid – but in everything you do. Love isn’t just a word, it’s a way of life.
[b]Home:[/b] Provide a home, not just a house. It can be 900 square feet or 9,000, it doesn’t matter. Kids have a tough time dealing with the pressures and influences of the outside world, and they have to know that there’s a safe haven for them – their own home. Respect their privacy (especially when they get older) and make them feel as though they live in their own home. They’re not just a kid temporarily living in your house, but they really have a place of their own – a place they feel safe, welcome, comfortable, wanted, and secure.
[b]Time:[/b] It’s more important than all the money and material things in the world. And unlike money, once time is spent, there’s absolutely no way to get it back. What better way to spend it than on your kids?
[b]Respect:[/b] It’s been said that the best way to have a friend is to be a friend. Likewise, the best way to be shown respect as a parent is to show respect to your kids. Kids are people, and all people want to be afforded and shown basic human dignity and respect. Is it ever too early to start? I think not. The best way to build a sense of positive self esteem in your kids is to respect them as people.
[b]Responsibility:[/b] Being a parent is a huge responsibility, to be sure. Parents are responsible for their kids, and parents should take responsibility for their kids. However, as kids get older, they naturally want to take more responsibility for themselves. A challenge of being a parent is realizing the whats, whens, and hows to relinquish that responsibility onto your kids. It all starts with a toddler taking responsibility to simply feed himself. And it all ends with a young adult taking responsibility to really feed himself. Everything in between comes in stages. Pass responsibility onto your kids, and make known the expectations for accepting that responsibility.
[b]Trust:[/b] Trust them to handle the responsibility they want to assume – and the responsibility you passed on to them. Trust and expectations go a long way in regards to relinquishing responsibility as a parent, and accepting and handling responsibility as a kid.
[b]Explore:[/b] I want to play the guitar. I want to play the violin. I want to juggle. I want to sing. I want to play football. I want to play chess. I want to be a teacher. I want to be a scientist. I want to travel. I want to …… The desire for discovery and exploration are wonderful human traits. Kids are bombarded with ideas. Let them pursue those ideas. They might pursue one, two, or three – or one, two or three dozen. No idea is stupid. No passion is wrong.
[b]Encourage:[/b] Encourage kids to discover and follow their passion – and to live their own lives, not the life you created for yourself, and especially not the life you wished for yourself. It doesn’t matter what that passion might be. [i]Yes you can[/i] will prevail over [i]No you can’t[/i] every time.
[b]Identity:[/b] Every human being ever born was – and is – a unique and special individual. Our kids are no different. [i]Encourage[/i] them to [i]explore[/i] their own [i]identity[/i], to take [i]responsibility[/i] for their own lives, and then [i]respect[/i] their decisions – all of which are subsets of showing [i]unconditional love[/i].
The future belongs to our kids. The task of how we prepare them for it belongs to us.
How do you think we should prepare them?