I find myself doing a lot of online research every week for a variety of different reasons. Google isn’t just my friend, it’s my soul mate! As I was hopping about the information super highway, I ran into this priceless article from our friends at PC world. To be honest, I came very close to submitting it as News… but I rather like that gig so I suppressed the urge and resolved to open a discussion instead.
http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,142432-pg,1/article.html
After divorcing my second husband, I found myself in a new state, new city, new job, and for the first time that I could recall (remember my senility here) I was single. Not pseudo-single as I was for the ten years of my marriage, but REALLY single and therefore able to date. I filed this under mixed blessings.
I tried a bit around the edges. But let’s face it, if you are over 30 and have no experience whatsoever with dating, it is going to be only marginally easier than going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. The reasons why include your baggage (divorced twice, no kids, have job… and a clue) and his baggage (either divorced or never married, probable kids, probable child support, possible unemployment- you get the picture). I dated very lightly in the first year after my divorce and then pretty much decided that it wasn’t my cup of coffee.
And then one day I woke up to discover that I wasn’t dating. And suddenly, that was the worst imaginable state of affairs. I call this sudden realization “Stupid Woman Syndrome”. And when it strikes, watch out! Your brain cells will fail to comprehend the red flags that you will see in retrospect and you will spend many days and nights in self-recrimination when it has finally run its course.
In the midst of the syndrome, you will find yourself dating the worst possible person- someone you have little to no real interest in, someone who is exactly Mr. Wrong. But during the syndrome, you won’t care.
Fortunately, it runs its course. Hopefully you haven’t done anything that will result in long term regret- like moving in with him, getting married, or worse, becoming pregnant. When it’s over, you will move to another state and consider changing your name so that he can’t ever find you again.
That was pretty much my story and I resolved to spend the rest of my life happily single. There was just this one catch. Women of my generation aren’t supposed to be happy career women. We’re supposed to be wives and mothers.
By this time, I was working for a company that was ramping up their Y2K efforts and free time was not as available as one might require in order to have a semblance of a dating life. That excuse served me well until around 2002 or so.
That was the point that a friend suggested online dating. I figured, “What the heck? Everything else in my life is online.” So I joined one of the more popular dating sites.
I’m here to tell you that online dating is not for the faint hearted. Every horror story mentioned in that article is true. In all honesty, I do not recall meeting anyone through that site that I would have ever been attracted to had I met them in any other situation.
I did what any sane person would do in the same situation. I quit dating altogether.
A few years later I met the Significant One while working at a contract location. Early in our relationship we talked about our respective divorces and how we handled dating. His experience was similar to mine. Dated a woman who was not only wrong for him but tragically so, gave the online thing a shot and ultimately decided that he was going to be single for the rest of his life.
To my single brothers and sisters out there, let me remind you as Valentine’s Day approaches, these simple words- it could be worse. And if you don’t believe me, give online dating a try.