It’s the last Friday before Christmas, I can’t go anywhere until after the holidays and my leash got tugged at oh-dark-hundred, and there’s no Friday Yuk yet. Here goes.
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A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. “Nice bike,” the cop said, “did Santa bring it to you?”
“Yep, the little girl said, “he sure did!”
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5.00 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, “Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it.”
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, “Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?”
“Yes, he sure did, ” chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, “Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.”
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” said Saint Peter.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said “You may pass through the pearly gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “These are Carol’s.”
Edit: I’ve been informed that this discussion is hard to find because the tags are screwy, so I fixed the tags. And Merry Christmas to you all!