It’s 1:30 here so it’s officially Friday!! Thought I’d start the Yuk as I’m awake 🙂
Anyway before the jokes start I received the best piece of news about 10 minutes ago when I read about Microsoft’s press conference a few days ago, Final Fantasy XIII is not going to be Sony exclusive!! Best news I’ve heard all year, I was thinking of buying a PS3 just because I love FF and have every other game and had to have that one too, now I can stick with the only good thing MS have ever made and buy FF on my 360 😀 Anyway good news done with commence jokes 🙂
Just for Scummy some church related jokes
The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him.
The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, ?Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a blow job.?
He says, ?You have sinned.?
Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went out to ask one of the altar boys what he usually gives for a blow job. The altar boy answered, ?Oh, about five dollars.?
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Top Ten Things You Never Hear In Church
1. Hey! It?s my turn to sit in the front pew.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I?ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let?s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I?ve never heard before!
8. Since we?re all here, let?s start the service early.
9. Pastor, we?d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
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A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest, ?I had an affair with a woman? almost.?
The priest says, ?What do you mean almost??
The man says, ?Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped.?
The priest replies, ?Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You?re not to go near that woman again, now say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.?
The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says, ?I saw that, you didn?t put any money in the poor box!?
The man replied, ?Well Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!?