Well friday is well on its way so …
Here we go
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President Bill Clinton called Jean Chretien with a pressing emergency:
“Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the American President cried, “My people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Bill, da Canajian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,” replied the Prime Minister. “I do need your help,” said Clinton. “Could you possibly send us 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?”
“Certainement! I will get on hit right haway.” said Jean.
“Oh, and one more small favor, please?” said President Bill.
“Oui?”
“Could the condoms be red, white and blue, and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?” asked Clinton.
“No prob’lem,” replied the Prime Minister, and with that, Chretien hung up and called the president of Trojan.
“I need a favor. You got to make 1,000,000 condoms right haway, an sen’em to Hamerica.”
“Consider it done,” said the President of Trojan.
“Great! Now listen mon ami. Dey haf to be bleu, blanc ‘n rouge in color; hat least 10 hinches long, and 4 hinches in dia’ meter.”
“That’s easily done. Anything else?”
“Yes,” said the Prime Minister, “an print on dem MADE IN CANADA, size: MEDIUM.”
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A more heavy one
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On returning from battle in the Falkland Islands, 3 soldiers are asked to report to their commander. The commander states that because of services rendered the army will pay each soldier a sum of ?100 pound per inch on their bodies, from one point to another of their choice. The commander asks the first soldier, a special forces commando, how he can measure him up. “I’ll have the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, sahr!” replies the man of war. “Excellent,” says the commander, that’s “70 inches, so here’s ?7000.” Secondly a marine states that he will have the tip of one arm outstretched measured to the other outstretched. “Excellent,” replies the commander after measuring the marine, “75 inches, so that’s ?7500.” Thirdly he asks the explosives expert. “I’ll have measured the tip of my dick to he end of my balls sahr!” The commander is a little taken aback by this but agrees, and after several seconds down in the private’s privates he snaps back up saying “Where in Christ are your balls soldier?!” The soldier smiles at him and says “Falkland Islands sahr!”
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Have fun all and a great weekend. 🙂
Rob