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Friday Yuk - morning after the TR Gathering ...

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by older mycroft 1 view

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The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night at the TechRepublic Gathering. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said: ?Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.'

'Could you jack off?' she said, 'I feel like sh|t.'

43 replies

by rob mekel

I wonder ... who of the lady's will be in that state of mind tomorrow :)

I know for sure the guy's will :D

by darryl~

I'm rather "blonde" so I had to read that last line a couple times before I got it, but once I did, it made me laugh...thanks!

by darryl~

Friday Yuk!

The worst thing is that you're very correct on the Blonde Alert thing....it happens to me all the time....it's good to be blonde & have something to blame it on.

On the other hand, you'd have to be somewhat more than blonde to not "get" the creative ways you advise those looking to crack passwords. I really enjoy them! Keep them coming. :)

by notsochiguy

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'

by notsochiguy

My daughter and I went through the McDonald 's take-out window, and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'You gave me too much money..' I said, 'Yes, I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said, 'We're sorry, but we cannot do that kind of thing..' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

by notsochiguy

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

by notsochiguy

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

by the scummy one

was taking a quick flight to Reno (before 9-11) and they asked the standard questions. He laughed at this one, and when asked if he had explosive materials (or something like that) his reply was classic. "If I was a terrorist, would I tell you?"
to which he spent the next 4 hours in custody by San Jose PD and missed the flight

by notsochiguy

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?'

by shasca

THE TEST:

Suddenly you see a man and a woman in the water. They are
fighting for

their lives, trying not to be taken down with the debris.
You move

closer. Somehow they look familiar. You suddenly realize

who they are.

It's Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi!! At the same time
you notice that the

raging waters are about to take them under forever. You
have two options:

You can save their lives or you can shoot a dramatic

Pulitzer Prize

winning photo, documenting the deaths of two of the
world's most powerful

people.

===============================================

THE QUESTION:

Here's the question, and please give an honest
answer...

Would you select h igh contrast color film, or would you go
with the

classic simplicity of black and white?

by notsochiguy

...in a fortune cookie once! :)

Anyone who is relatively new (new senators, two terms or less for Reps), I can give a pass to in terms of electing them. It takes time to know what a person is about and how they'll serve; barring something overtly wrong (they guy cheated on his taxes big time, and has had 2 affairs with co-workers in the last few years...probably not going to get my vote).

However, when I see dinosaurs running time and again, promising to fix the very morass they helped create, I shake my head in disbelief when they're re-elected.

Emperor Daley II in Chicago is a perfect example. The city is circling the commode, but he'll get re-elected by a wide margin, I'd bet.

by notsochiguy

....Al Bundy once pontificated:

Hooters, Hooters, yum yum yum
Hooters, Hooters on a chick that's dumb

]:)

by bubba69

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.
Of all the things I?ve lost I miss my mind the most!
Are you stoned or just stupid?
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Always remember you?re unique, just like everyone else.
I Have The Body Of A God? Buddha!
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.
Avenge Yourself ? Be a problem to your children
Dogs think they?re human. Cats think they?re gods.
Save the Dolphins. What did the cows do wrong?
Help wanted-telepath: you know where to apply
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Sex on television can?t hurt you unless you fall off.
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your A$$?
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
I said ?no? to drugs, but they just wouldn?t listen.
Kill ?em all. Let God sort it out
When she told me I was average, I figured she was just being mean.
Hire the Handicapped?We're fun to watch!!
STUPIDITY should be Painful
Your kid may be an honor student but you?re still an IDIOT!
I is a college student
I souport publik edekasion
Give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
Don?t wash this vehicle ? Undergoing scientific dirt test
Cover me. I?m changing lanes.

by rfink

St. Peter meets her at the pearly gates. "God has decided to grant you one wish."

She thinks about for a minute and says, "I wish that all of the world's children are safe."

by tmalo627

That's so morbidly awesome! I don't know how many other people are going to catch its meaning....

by notsochiguy

This dose of Blunt Truth Trauma administered by:
RFink

"I wasn't planning on visiting Gary, anyway, and neither should you."

We now continue with our regularly scheduled Yuk.

by daitoryu

It took me about 5 seconds to "get it" :)

Reminds me of the good conversations we had at Lear/IAC.

by darryl~

We're not sending "The Scummy One" any wipes...then she went on to say:

"Tell him to use his tongue & he shouldn't waste that good coffee".

Well....I waisted a good drink of beer over that one.

by rfink

When I was college I asked my father, "How do I become rich and famous?" To my surprise he told me, "Study Egyptian plumbing, that way you'll become a Pharaoh Faucet major".

by bubba69

Some people have WAY too much time (and apparently, weed) on their hands. I guess when you're a sheep-herder, there's not much to do after... um... well... the sheep are satisfied.

by ontheropes

Cruise vacation. We went out of SC instead because we could drive down. I refuse to be treated like cattle at an airport. Screw it. I don't/won't fly anymore.

by purpleskys

pffttt...not my fault...Darryl need to pay attention to what he's drinking...i know i never "spew" my coffee...it's a waste of perfectly good coffee ;)

by darryl~

You try to hide but they track you down anyway.....welcome to my "wife".

And she's right.....she always drinks the rest of her coffee before throwing the mug at me. 0:-)

Love ya dear :x

Now I have to go set up another new account ;\

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