It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies
sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car.
Were they trying to steal it?
“Heavens no, we bought it.”
“Then why don’t you drive it away.”
“We can’t drive.”
“Then why did you buy it?”
“We were told that if we bought a Used car here we’d get screwed …so
we’re just waiting.
*******************************************************
A Lovely Tie
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan
desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he
walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card
table with neckties laid out on it.
The Arab asked, “My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?”
The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are
only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes.”
The Arab shouted, “Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water!”
“OK,” said the old Jew, “it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie. I
will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the
east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. Go! Walk that way!
The restaurant has all the water you need.”
The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared.
Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was sitting
at his table.
The Jew said, “I told you, about two miles over that hill. Could you not find
it?”
“I found it all right,” rasped the Arab. “Bastards wouldn’t let me in without a
tie.”
******************************************************
A Matter of Perspective
Her Diary Entry:
My husband was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a
drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have
been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised but he didn’t say
anything about it. I don’t remember doing anything to make him upset, but I
could tell there was something wrong.
The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to someplace
intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was
still acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was
bothering him? Was he mad at me?
I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me
or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, he said no. But I wasn’t
really sure. In the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and
he just put his arm around me. I didn’t know what the heck that meant because,
you know, he didn’t say it back or anything. We finally got back home and I was
wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just
switched on the TV.
Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he
joined me and to my surprise, we made love. But, he still seemed really
distracted, so afterwards I wanted to confront him but didn’t, so I just cried
myself to sleep. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think
he’s seeing someone.
His Journal Entry:
Played badly today — shot 97. Couldn’t putt to save my life! Felt kind of
tired. Got laid though.
******************************************************
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop the day before Easter and asks,
“Excuthe me, thir, do you have any widdle bunny wabbits?”
The shopkeeper’s heart melts. He gets down on his knee so that he’s on her
level, and says, “Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack
wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown wabbit over there?”
The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans
forward and replies, “I don’t weally fink my pyfon gives a thit.”
******************************************************
Stress Management Technique
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management
technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny
thing is that it works.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world.
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade
of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding
underwater.
8. See. You’re smiling already.
Have a good one.
[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)