Potential for failure

As someone who has to do training who has no natural aptitude for it, I'd suggest that you keep group sizes as small as possible. I've run classes of six people or less -- that size is easier to control. People are a good deal more informal in small groups, and are more willing to ask questions...which helps them by addressing their needs, and makes you feel less like you're lecturing to potted plants. The downside of that approach is that you have to do the classes more frequently, but it seems to me to be less painful. I would personally rather run two small classes than one large one.

Otherwise...Bring donuts. People like it when you feed them. Don't talk for more than an hour and a half without giving a break. Cite page numbers in your documentation as you're working through examples. Try, as much as possible, to come up with entertaining examples. Do the icebreaker thing in the beginning and have everybody explain who they are, what they do, and what they hope to get out of the class. Making people talk in a silent room gives them a little appreciation for what you're having to do for hours on end. Use your environment. Remove chairs from the back of the room, if you've got a tough crowd, so that people aren't tempted to nap. Walk around, don't remain tied to your projector in the front. Only by walking around can you determine if people are having problems. Give them some "lab time" to work on some worksheets you give them. Ask leading questions: "If I do x, then y, then what else needs to happen in order to get z result?" Above all, be comfortable with silence. Somebody will always break.

Good luck. Some things just have to be gotten through. I usually just try to treat myself and everybody else gently -- it's not life or death -- and promise myself chocolate when it's all over.

Before I start ... most of my training is usually one on one, I've only ever had to deal with a group a few times.
Instead of sounding like uber-geek which, as you know, loses people in about 7.6 nanoseconds; I try to train by using examples that are common to both of us, or use analogies. For example, I once had to train a few auto mechanics how to go online and check parts or prices and some other junk. Instead of dishing out the history of TCP/IP I used the example of getting gas from the tank into the cylinders, and compared that with getting information from whichever server to their local PC across the internet. They caught on to the idea in a snap ... and they also felt a little more involved because they had a personal/professional interest in what I was saying. I guess by them listening for me to make a mistake about internal combustion, they in fact listened to every word I said.

This is basically how I do any or all of my training.

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Create a crossword puzzle to cover your course material. It's kinda' like a "test", but more fun. Make it an open book and open discussion puzzle. Put people into groups to work on a puzzle together. Offer a box of cookies to the group that finishes their puzzle first. (They have to share the cookies with you, however.)

Throughout your post, you have stated:

"if I were in fact even slightly capable."
"but I truly suck at this."
"standing in front of comatose patients."

The first step I would recommend would be to step up and take this as a challenge rather than a barricade. Your attitude drives the results, and if YOU have already decided that YOU can't, then you are correct!

Obviously, your manager thought you were capable, so maybe he/she has more faith in you, than you yourself.

As far as training suggestions, here are some ideas:

1. Delegate out some training to the people who work for you. Assign each one a specific area in which they have shown some type of aptitude, and give them a set date on which THEY will provide a training session for "x" number of users. These sessions MUST be documented so that you can learn from it, and if necessary, give that same training to others.

This also has the benefit of giving the students a look at training through your eyes, and will increase their desire to learn more about a topic just so they don't look like an idiot in front of their peers.

2. Break down the areas that you need to provide training in, and start self-educating yourself on those areas. Build yourself some courses, or even purchase some courses, then walk through the courses with yourself as the teacher/student. Teach yourself in front of a mirror (or a webcam).

3. Get assistance/advice from other people in your same shoes. Talk to others in your organization about how they do training, what courses, etc..., and also don't forget that you can network outside of your company and possibly get some people who are willing to help you out.

Have a "round the table" suggestion session. If you have 20 people, for example, and a one hour session, go around the table, person by person, and ask that each one spend three minutes describing a problem or issue they've had that could be the focus of a future meeting. You might want to give them a heads-up on this, however, so you don't put them on the spot, and give them time to think about it.

This will both get them involved and set the agenda for future meetings that will probably keep them more interested.

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As a "trainer", you don't have to know everything about everything. Ask other people to get involved. If one person, for example, is great at Excel, ask him or her to take part (or all) of a meeting to share some Excel tips and tricks.

Everybody likes to be seen as an "expert", so tap into their expertise.

A "trainer" doesn't simply lecture to people, but rather facilitates training, maybe even self-training.

If they are being forced to go to training, then there really isn't much you can do about their attitude. If they don't want to be there, then they will be difficult to teach.

If you accept that, then it can be a little less frustrating.

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This is a great one to get people involved. Okay folks, what has been your worst "customer service" situation. Share with the group your "customer from hell". How should we deal with these people in the future?

...Those who can't teach....

Its a bad analogy but not always wrong.

Personally I have done training and found it to be very rewarding. I find delivering training much more rewarding than all the planning, course development etc.

You can and should look at "pre-developed" materials - though some suck and some are great.

I start every course with a few key objectives. The first is to have fun. Why? If you are having fun, you are engaged in the process, and you tend to have an opened mind, ready to learn.

I also ask each student what they want to get out of the course, and try if possible, to amend the course to meet their needs. This is easier with 10 people than with 30 for obvious reasons.

You can't "lecture" for more than 45 minutes without some sort of break and hope to keep their attention. A break might be an exercise, an audio visual, a quiz, or a brainteaser. Sometimes, you can add in brainteasers that have nothing to do with what you are teaching, just to keep things rolling.

I wouldn't give up on "training trainers" courses - very worthwhile.

Also acknowledge that not every type of material is suitable for classroom training, and some students learn better in CBT or self learning -don't drag them to a class if its not the best thing for them.

Try some shorter topics as lunch and learn - bring pizza, and give them a snappy presentation.

James

Being a trainer I have found you have to be prepared to try many different approaches and have more than one way to address a subject. You need to remember that people learn in different ways, some people are very visual while others need to touch everything and still others only need to hear.

If you don't already have a feedback form I would suggest you come up with one that you can give people after the training so they can evaluate you. Have them "grade" you on your performance as well as offering comments for how to improve. You'll get some smartass answers but you'll also get some good ones from time to time.

Another method I have used is train an individual and tell him he is going to be reponsible for training others within the facility. This does a couple of things, it puts a little more responsibility on this person to learn and therefore pay better attention and it also allows you to take advantage of the rapport this person may have with others.

If you search the web for training you can find a lot of good ideas from others that have been doing this for awhile.

Finally, don't give up and accept the fact that you'll have some sessions that will go well and some that won't and as long as you've tried that's really all anyone can ask. Good Luck

These are all suggestions that I needed. I have my approach pretty much down. Candy goes flying across the room at the mere hint of a correct answer. (Sugar buzz will "pep" them up.) I have a super secret water gun for the ego that flares out of control; it's usually good for a laugh or two.I have tons of games, hands on exercises that are more real world and less "work" and if all else fails... break out in groups and start the scavenger hunt.

My dilemma I guess is that I lost my training room. I could muddle my way through this when I had a computer lab with tons of hands on options. Now I'm sitting the desk with each user in a one on one setting. I'm excited about it. I see the potential.

This is great for individualized attention and keeps my poor marketing guy from having to sit through the Outlook class 10 times. Unfortunately, I have three things I'm up against:

1) No one is interested in learning anything new. They've done their jobs for 25 years just fine until now; cuss the new technology, who needs it.

2) They don't want to look stupid. Competition here is high; it's a financial market... you'd be surprised what they'll compete over. (Who ate lunch first, fastest, latest, best, etc.)

3) Training is mandatory but not backed by management. They know darn well if they show up with a chip on their shoulders and a bad case of the "I don't wanna's" no one is going to say a word.

I can make them come, the manager can make them come, but I can't make them enjoy it or want it.

Or can I?

We have no budget for pizza or food or toys. The bags of candy I buy are out of pocket.

Surely there must be an acceptable incentive based learning approach that won't break the bank?

Or should I even be worried about incentives?
This is, after all, their job. A job that changes with technology and that they have to change with.

I don't like the techo-nazi approach any more than I like bribery. =(