Where is the Tig?

Anytime.

are yours. You know where to find me.

I frankly have no clue how I deal with certain hard times. I just do. Getting through a time so grindingly difficult as loss of a loved one is a matter of heart. You have plenty of that. Do what has to be done, let the grief flow, look to hope.

If I can help, I am here.

I have no words.

I hold you close in my thoughts and prayers.

My deepest sympathies for you and yours. I will hug my mom for you.

Take care

TCB

As I sit here I find I am at a loss for words - it seems so simple to say "I am so deeply sorry Tig" but that doesn't seem to be enough to express how deeply my heart aches for you.

No matter the circumstances it's never easy to lose our Mother's (or Father's). We can always say "it's for the best" but that doesn't make it any easier - it still hurts all the same.

Both my parents are still alive and for that I am thankful even when they both drive me nuts - at least they are here to drive me batty. For that I am thankful, as I know one day they won't be.

Over the years I've lost family members who have been close to me - my Uncle was one of the hardest as he was like a father to me.

The other I have lost was my son - not by death though, but I lost him all the same - the last time I saw him he was 6 yrs old - his father disappeared with him and I haven't seen him since. That was almost 20 yrs ago. He will be 26 this year - for me that is the most horrific experience of my life and one I live with every day.

You asked how do we deal? Sometimes we just do, other times we take a break and just break down, other times we throw our energy into something. Sometimes we scream at the world how unfair life is. Sometimes we just live for today and not worry about tomorrow. As sometimes that is all we can handle. One day at a time. Sometimes we just need to grab ahold of someones hand and hold on tight.

Tig, my heart does go out to you and if you need anything you know how to reach me.

-Tammy

You are one of first few.

My heart to you.

The best I can, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

I want to be around loved ones, and I want to be left alone. I want to open up to someone and I want to just get away from everyone.

People tell me they know how I feel, but they don't, try as they might. It annoys me to hear it, and I love them dearly for trying to comfort me and be there.

The pain reminds us that we are alive.

Everytime we lose someone dear, it is a reminder to hold the rest near and dear. It shakes us out of the daily rush to do nothing, and realigns our priorities.

I wish you peace of mind Tig. I have had loss and know loss, but I don't know your loss. You are one of the strongest willed people I know, and this will get better.

Oh my! I know that words can't heal the pain, they can't make things better, and they can't fix anything that hurts.

I was never close to my father, and the range of emotions I experienced at his passing last fall are indescribable. I'm very close to my mother (pushing 90), and I plan to visit her in 7 weeks. I'll give her a HUGE hug.

Tigger, consider this (>..<) a HUGE cyber-hug!

Can I suggest a good cry as it will do wonders and help to ease the pain. Keep your chin up.

Rob

You have a multitude of ways to reach me if you need to. You know I'll always be there for you.

Take it an hour at a time. Right now, days are too long to deal with.

Ma had a big hug on Sunday, as did Pa. They'll get double at the weekend.

You know fine well that I consider you part of my family, and as such, I'm feeling a part of your pain. When that pain gets too much to deal with pick up the phone/laptop/skype. And to hell with the time difference.

hugs and love, Tricia. To help you get through this.

GG

I have no idea what to say.

If you need to hate everything and everyone, then do it.

If you need to cry, cry.

If you need to scream, scream.

This is a horrible situation, but I have no doubt you will dig deep inside and find the strength you need to cope with this.

Forget everyone else, do what you need to do.

All my thoughts are with you Tig.

Andy.x

As I remember my own mother...

We both deal with hard times the same way, Tricia... we reach out to people who we love and trust. I think that there are many people on the TR boards who are more like your extended family than your IT peers. We are here for you when you need us, and we are still with you - even when you need time to hide.

Hugs to you, your dad, your sister, and the rest of your family.

It's never easy when a loved one leaves
Making us empty and more than bereaved
Words of condoloence and sympathy abound
But they can't make what we've lost be found
Take comfort in what's behind the words
The true feelings that are felt but not heard
Know your friends truly understand your hurt
Their hearts will hold you with love and support
Lean on this and you'll make it through
In your heart, you know it's true.
Tink

The only thing you can do is take it one day at a time. I can't begin to imagine the sense of loss you feel right now. Just know my thoughts are with you.

Tig, my heart breaks for you. My lousy start to the day pales in comparison. :(

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

You will get through this. I know there are more questions than answers, but, you will overcome this, just as you have hardships in the past.

I know my two cents don't matter much.
I too am very sorry for your loss!!!

that has not been said before, and all of it is inadequate to shield you from your pain.
What I have had to do is "partition" my emotions, try to seperate them from my intellect. At work I focus on work, at home I fall apart completely. It works, kinda.
Love, Hugs, Condolences.

for your loss. My deepest sympthies go out to you and your family. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.

Unfortunately death is, as is birth, a part of the cycle of life. Nobody gets out of this life alive and we are unable to predict our ending.

You are currently experiencing the pain of your loss but, with time, this will ease. What you will never lose is the memory of your Mother's love and caring for you; all the good times and not so good times. Know this much, you loved your Mother; if you didn't the event of her passing wouldn't be so painful for you.

My sympathies to you in your time of sorrow.

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

I pondered about posting anything here all day seeing as I'm not very good with these kind of things.

I really have nothing to say that can make a difference to you so I'm just going to post because it is you.

Take care.

I am so sorry to hear that. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I had posted this in Boxfiddler's post about loosing a friend to addiction. I hope you find it comforting, I know I do when I think about my Grandparents...

[i]Do not stand by my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am a diamond glint on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awake in the morning bush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight
I am the soft starshine at night
Do not stand by my grave and cry
I am not there... I did not die.[/i]

~ Anonymous

Words alone always seem inadequate in times like these.

I lost the person closest to me (foster dad/mentor) when I was in college. Truth be told, I just wanted to drop out of school, hop the bus, and ride off into obscurity. But I didn't...I heard his voice in my head "I'll put my foot in your @ss" (didn't sound as harsh as it reads when he said it, I assure you); which is something he'd say when I'd indicate I couldn't or wouldn't do something I turned out fully capable of doing.

So, in short, you may not want to keep going; but I'd wager that your mother would want you to keep going. Hang on to that. In time, you may never feel quite right (I still don't, 15 years later), but you will feel better.

Also, if there was anything you ever wanted to say, and never got the chance, write it up into a letter addressed to your mom. It sounds silly ,I admit, but it can be quite helpful (I did it...keep the letter in the drawer next to my bed...use it to 're-focus' myself in difficult times).

Tig,
I?m sorry. Right now I know how much you?re hurting, I lost my mother in mid-May and I still feel that a part of me is missing. There are times when it comes boiling to the forefront and it doesn?t take that much to make it happen, way that the sun shines, a smell, an old movie on TV or a bag of Hershey Kisses. I know that it?s hard to do, but you she?d what you to continue to enjoy life for her.

I haven't been on the site for 24 hours so I missed posting earlier. Please accept my sympathy for your loss.

Neil

I'm deeply saddened by your loss.

In many ways, you are not alone.
It's unfortunate how common it is to never realize how much we will miss our parents until it's after the fact.

When the inevitable comes, everyone will deal with their loss in their own way. Trying to focus on the good memories, the laughs, the adventures, the shared experiences is the way that works for me.
Coming to grips with the reality that I'll never be able to create new memories with that person has been the toughest thing for me to overcome. But allowing myself some private time to grieve with generous talking to the memories we had and the memory maker get me through it.

This past Monday afternoon, I checked my personal email and received a note that one of my best friends in college had been killed in a motorcycle\car accident. At first, I was numb, then reality started setting in and I was flooded with thoughts of things left unsaid and undone. Emotion began to take over and I had to step out for a bit. I went to my car and let it out, talking to him out loud all the while. After some time, I gained composure, went back to my office and dove back into work, trying to keep the event in the back of my mind. I was able to do it knowing that I'd get a chance to 'talk' to him and spend more time remembering him later. It got me through. Work provided a focus that temporarily put the sadness out of the front of my mind. But don't feel bad if you have to take a few time-outs. They are not just expected but mandatory and deserved!

My heart goes out to you.

I.
am sorry for your loss, They say time heals but I,m Not so sure.
It is still a important member of your family.
Get plenty of support through this time
May your God guide you

Tiggy, I'm so sorry to hear this. I am sending you cyber hugs and support. And homemade brownies.

Why does bad stuff have to happen??????

CuteElf

It's disorienting when somebody who has always known you disappears. It's like your life history goes with them, and there is no longer a person who can validate your memories, and say, "Yes, that actually happened, you did that, back when you were young."

46 years of life have left you a complete person, though you won't feel that way for a while. Focus on the small stuff, and the rest of you will come back, and encapsulate the empty place. It simply takes the right measure of time.

If there's any meager satisfaction to be taken, it's that she didn't see you leave first. In the happiest possible world, parents always die before children.

I know you are in an awful place right now and I feel for you. I lost my mother 15 years ago and our relationship wasn't perfect. I remember the good times we had together, though, and hang on to that. You can't change the past.

When I had to work and go through the loss of my mother, I took a week or so off and went back to work. Work actually took my mind off of the grief.

Its a process.

AV

It's hard to lose your mom. Prayers for you.

Be sure not to neglect yourself at this time.

I didn't see this thread until now, because I've been away.

I'm facing similar circumstances. My mother is ailing, her two younger brothers are suffering from a terminal disease. My dad has lost two brothers.

All I can offer you is this:
Nothing can take away the memories if you don't want them to go, and as long as you hold on to the memories, a part of her lives in you.

I've had to sing at funerals of those I've loved, and all I can do to cope is to focus on the good and happy side of the person's life, not the manner of their death. Sometimes work is a blessing, if it distracts you from the pain.

Don't forget to schedule some down time for yourself somewhere, we all need it, and you do now more than ever.

All the best, you know how to reach me if you want to talk.

Your friend,

James

James

They say time will heal all wounds. But some still stay open.
Just go out and just think of the good times that you had with your mum. The memories that you have either in mind or pictures are a real help in slowly healing the lost one of your life. We are all here if needed.
Bless you and take care.

I saw your comment regarding your Mom on the 9/11 post, so I am a bit late posting to this. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a parent is tough. I lost my Dad one year ago on August 20th. The first year will be filled with a lot of difficult "firsts": First Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving...

I was dreading the upcoming 1st anniversary of my Dad?s death and decided to make a slideshow/video to honor him that I posted on youtube and gave the link to all my friends and family. I had a few really good, hard cries while making it, but it definitely helped get me through the day.

I guess my point is to do whatever you need to, to grieve for your Mom and to keep your memories of her alive.

Barbara