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by the maverick phantom wanderer (formerly macoza, nodice, kp, etc.) 3 views

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As I go through the cleansing process for my cousin's laptop- overrun with a legion of malware and other undesired programs and apps, these are the thoughts that recur.

Answers to 3 age-old riddles:

"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

A woodchuck would chuck what a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

or more accurately

A woodchuck would chuck what a woodchuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

"What came first, the chicken or the egg?"

If you are a creationist, ask your creator. For everyone else, the egg.

"If a tree falls in a forest, and there's no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Only if it makes a sound when someone's around to hear it.

Several new malware categories:

Hydraware- malware that recreates parts of itself x times as fast as they can be destroyed.

Tantrumware- malware that causes a blue screen or other serious errors if it is displeased.

Psychopathware- malware that always returns, no matter many times you think you killed it.

Rogueware- malware that attempts to convince you that you are in danger. You are in danger- if you allow them to trick you.

And my personal least favorite:

Baitware- any software (legitimate or otherwise) that has a free version with none of the attributes of the full version, thus forcing you to buy the full version to get decent software.

24 replies

by .martin.

for "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" your answer means nothing.

and "If a tree falls in a forest, and there's no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Only if it makes a sound when someone's around to hear it. What?

by the maverick phantom wanderer (formerly macoza, nodice, kp, etc.)

"your answer means nothing"

Any meaningful answer to the question can be proven false.

"and "If a tree falls in a forest, and there's no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Only if it makes a sound when someone's around to hear it. What?"

The answer to the original question depends not on the existence of an observer, but on whether the falling tree makes a sound in the first place, thus my answer.

by tig2

I used to think that I had pop corn thoughts but you really
got me with a few of those.

I hate the process of reloading a computer. Very little you
can do while the machine reads data. There are reasons that
I try to do as little of that as possible. It's almost as bad as
waiting on the cable guy!

by Tammy.Cavadias

.. you're waiting on "Larry" the Cable guy - now THAT would be a barrel of laughs.

But it leaves me to ponder - If a spammer spams while no one is around to see it, is it still spam?

-Tammy :-)

by charliespencer

if a groundhog could grind ground?

If a man speaks in the forest, and there's no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

by Tammy.Cavadias

.. a woman no matter where that man is - will ALWAYS hear him - we just prefer to ignore him most the times.

-Tammy :-)

by santeewelding

That you provoke on occasion an interesting thread.

More like, though, the apprentice in a lab, the master away, you seeing what happens when uncomprehendingly you pull this lever or that, and the furies here descend on you, the furies being where it's at.

by Tammy.Cavadias

.. why oh why must people click on it - what a world it would be if a little Nun holding a ruler popped out each time one clicked on spam and smacked your hand. Heck it worked when I went to school (I spent 4 hell filled years at St. Mary's being tormented by ruler yeilding Nun's)! Don't chew gum - smack - don't scribble - smack - don't click on spam - smack

-Tammy :-)

by puppybreath

If a mime falls in the forest, and there's no one around to hear him, does he make a sound?

If a mime is arrested for murder, do you have to tell him about the right to remain silent?

by charliespencer

If you're going to spell out the abbreviation, why abbreviate it to begin with?

Rachael Ray: "Use a quarter cup of e.v.o.o.; that's extra virgin olive oil!"

(Also, close your parentheses.

by tink!

I learned the answer as:

A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

I like the malware categories.

by ic-it

I thought I made up the answer when I was 9 or 10.
Where did you ever hear the answer from?

by tink!

Don't think I learned it until I was in Junior High (late 80's).

It's interesting if you travel the country and learn the different versions of rhymes and riddles.

I learned extra verses to some of the girl's rhyming games we played as kids when I moved to NJ. And likewise again when I moved back to the Midwest.

by ic-it

My Grandfather would always chant the woodchuck question. One day in the late 60's I answered just as your answer was. He was surprised because he never had heard an answer before.
Thanks for responding Tink.

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