Giving someone bad news is never easy, but there are right ways and wrong ways of going about it. Here are some pointers on the best methods for sharing unpleasant information.
No one loves the messenger who brings bad news.–Sophocles
During the course of your career, you may have to deliver bad news to someone. That bad news could go to a subordinate, a client, or your boss. The way you handle the situation and yourself can have an impact on your career and your stress level. Here are some ways to ease the process.
Sometimes, bad news comes completely unexpectedly. A plane can suddenly lose power and crash. An apparently healthy 18-year-old can collapse and pass away.
Other times, however, if the bad news comes as a complete surprise, it means someone failed to fully prepare the recipient ahead of time. If you believe that something you attempt might turn out unfavorably for a client or customer, let that person know first. Above all, be careful about guaranteeing results or saying that a particular outcome is a “sure thing.” If necessary, outline all the risks and potential issues that might prevent the desired result.
You may not always be able to do this. But if you can set expectations, your job of delivering bad news will be much easier.
Don’t deliver bad news casually or in passing. Set up a time to talk with the other person. If you need to deliver the news right at the moment, say, “I need to talk with you about [the matter].” In other words, establish a setting and a context for the conversation, instead of just springing the news.
I’ve never known bad news to improve with keeping.
The late actor Sir Alec Guinness delivered this memorable line in the 1980 movie Little Lord Fauntleroy. Yes, some people do like to preface the bad news with background information and details of everything they did and everything they tried. Better, though, simply to cut to the chase and tell the person the bad news. Chances are, they won’t even be listening to all your preliminary words anyway.
After you give the bad news, you can provide background and details. In particular, you will want to explain what happened as well as the steps you took. The person who gets your bad news will want to know this information and probably has a right to know it.
Delivering the news to someone while both of you are sitting offers two advantages. First, if God forbid the person should faint, the chances of injury are decreased. Second, a discussion that happens while seated has less chance of getting emotionally out of control. In plain terms: It is harder to physically fight someone when you’re seated than when you’re standing.
In the same way, be sensitive to how you are seated relative to the other person. If you’re behind a desk, keep in mind that that desk can serve as a psychological as well as physical barrier. If you feel comfortable doing so, and if you believe the other person is comfortable, consider sitting on the same side, or at least sitting at right angles. Either way, you will have signaled that are “on that person’s side.”
Sometimes the bad news you deliver is not your fault. Even so, the person who hears it will take out his or frustration on you. The classic example, of course, is the help desk analyst who tells a caller that the system or network will be down for another three hours.
If you are that hapless analyst, be prepared to be the messenger who gets shot. Unfortunately, it comes with the territory. However, the more you can remind yourself that they aren’t upset at you personally, the greater the chances of keeping your stress under control.
Remember that when you deliver bad news to a person, you must deal with two issues: the technical matter of the news itself as well as the emotional reaction to the bad news. In fact, this emotional reaction is the aspect of your encounter that is far more critical. To reduce the chances of being the shot messenger, let the other person know that you are aware of their emotional reaction. You need not be a Dr. Phil, but a simple “I’m sorry about this situation” or “I’m sorry to have to tell you this” can work wonders.
Maybe the bad news you are delivering concerns your (or your group’s) inability to achieve some objective. Nonetheless, is there any silver lining news you can give? In other words, can you reframe the situation?
Maybe they didn’t get the 20% productivity increase they expected; maybe instead they got only 15%. Rather than compare 20% to 15%, you might want to compare 15% to 0%. Similarly, maybe you could restore only three of the four weeks of data they lost. Of course, they would have preferred to recover all four weeks. But isn’t three weeks of recovered data better than none? This approach is not meant as en endorsement of mediocrity, but rather an attempt to get the other person to see things a different way.
If you must deliver bad news, maybe that bad result need not be the end of things. Do you have a plan to address or resolve the situation? If so, keep it in mind and offer to share it with the other person or group after you have delivered the bad news. In doing so, you will demonstrate a willingness to work through the problem and an ability to think and plan ahead. If the person receiving bad news is a key client or your boss, planning ahead could be valuable to your future.
Do you have certain techniques that ease the stress of giving someone bad news? Share your advice and experiences with fellow TechRepublic members.
Calvin Sun helps organizations improve their performance, by addressing communications, customer service and leadership. His work has been featured in numerous publications including Computerworld, The Washington Post, The New York Times and Philadelphia Business Journal. His clients include Cornell, The George Washington University, the Pennsylvania State University, La Salle University and the University of Texas ? Pan American. \ \ \ Calvin has studied extensively about the Titanic. He has written and published articles about the subject, visited and photographed victim graves in Nova Scotia, delivered lectures, and has interviewed relatives or representatives of seven passengers. His article on the Nova Scotia victim graves appeared in the October 1999 issue of American Funeral Director. His article on the DNA identification attempts of unknown victims in Halifax appeared in the July 2004 issue of American Cemetery. In writing it, he interviewed the two principal researchers as well as the clergyman of the granddaughter of Titanic crew member victim Catherine J. Wallis. His talks on communications and customer service include stories from the disaster, with applications to the contemporary world. \ \ \ Calvin has written on customer service for many publications including Entrepreneur, Law Technology News and Medical Office Management. His speaking engagements include conventions and meetings of the Pennsylvania Credit Union Association, P4A, PaSAE, Association of School Business Officials International, Association of Information Technology Professionals (AITP) and the Pennsylvania Association of School Business Officials. \ \ \ Before starting his own practice, Calvin worked for IBM as a programmer and systems engineer, and for KPMG Peat Marwick as an information technology consultant and manager. He holds a B.A. degree from Haverford College and an M.B.A. degree from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.
