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Canadian Friday smile

By Bob in Calgary ·
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read $10,000.00 per call. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000.00 one could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and asked a nearby nun what its purpose was? She told him that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000.00 he could talk to God.

"O.K. , thanks" said the American.

He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston New-York., N. Dakota, and Montana In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same $10,000.00 per call sign under it. Upon leaving Montana, the American saw a sign for CANADA and decided to see if Canadians had the same golden telephone. He arrived in Calgary Alberta and again there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read 25 cents per call. The American was surprised and intrigued so he asked the priest about the sign, "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000.00 per call.
Why is it so cheap here.?"

The priest smiled and answered: "You're in Canada now son, it's a local call."

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A "little" more Canuck humor

by gbrownlee In reply to Canadian Friday smile

A Quebecer drinks his Molson and suddenly throws his bottle in the air, pulls out a pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Quebec, our beer bottles are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."

An Iraqi obviously impressed by this, drinks his camel beer, throws his bottle into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Iraq, we have so much sand to make the beer bottles that we don't need to drink out of the same bottle twice either!?

A Vancouver Police Officer, cool as a cucumber, picks up his Molson Canadian and drinks it, throws his bottle into the air, pulls out his registered pistol and shoots the Quebecer and the Iraqi. He says, "In B.C., we have so many Quebecers and Arabs that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.


Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?
The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades;
The Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.

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Great !

by Oz_Media In reply to A "little" more Canuck h ...

HA HA !! Love them.

Sounds like you know BC well, except you missed the biggest imports of all. And the fact that anyone drinking Molson Canadian would be seen as an imposter form the get go. I find more tourists drink MC than locals, the locals that do would rink just about anything, and often do before that third Wednesday of the month. :)

I lived in Cape Brreton Nova Scotia for a year and a bit so it was fun to read some Newfie humour again, it's been a while. Americans replaced Newfies out here for such jokes, and a few racial minorities too of course.

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Heres one that I know you'll like

by gbrownlee In reply to Great !

A Truly Canadian Apology to the U.S.
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron.

He is a moron but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way, which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you,
Rick Mercer
This Hour Has 22 Minutes

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I saw that episode

by Oz_Media In reply to Heres one that I know you ...

That show is a RIOT!! It's really too bad they don't show it in the US, even though the joke's on them AND our own politicians,I think it would let them see what other people think in a humorous way and without the finger-pointing.

They blast the **** out of the US, in a comedic way but also Canada, it would be fair fun if they (the mainstream US) weren't so damn uptight about things.

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I miss my old stereo lights, man! Like...wow.

by mlandis In reply to Heres one that I know you ...

Nope - Ain't ever heard of it, but it seems funny as all get out. Now I'll be hunting around to see if anyone carries it here.


Anyway, this is a link I found that had me laughing for quite a while.

This could be the real reason many Americans would wish to emigrate.

http://www.cbc.ca/mondayreport/videos/ontario.html

Maureen

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AWESOME!!!!

by Oz_Media In reply to Canadian Friday smile

THat's really good and I haven't heard it yet, great job.

GET THE TITLE RIGHT THOUGH!!!

"FRIDAY YUK" people recognize and look for it, I have just been too sidetracked to remember it for a few weeks now. Good to see Friday humour has caught on, but you have to name it Friday Yuk, or else!!

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Bad, Bad OZ

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to AWESOME!!!!

You've missed the last few weeks now without any form of thought for us who religiously look out for the Friday Yuk.

It took GOD saying goodbye to post the last one you're slipping and if you don't pull your socks up we will all have to come over and give you a slap on the wrist with a lump of 2 X 4 and then continue to do this until you remember to post the Friday Yuk. Of course it will have no bearing on your treatment that you use the poor excuse that after being whacked about by all these lumps of wood you are unable to type you'll just have to learn to type with a pencil in your mouth until your shattered arms repair themselves.

Col

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Bring on your 2x4 Colin

by Oz_Media In reply to Bad, Bad OZ

I LIVE in a land of trees. :) BIG trees. As long as you LEAVE the 2X4 in Canada it will be okay.

Actually that reminds me, an old girlfriend brought her two kids (4 and 5) up here last year to see the whales. They saw the Weyerhauseur lumber camps and asked about all the STACKS AND STACKS AND STACKS of milled lumber in their yard with American flags stamped on the covers.

I explained that this is where the 2X4 forests are. The trees in the special forests grow square and straight with no branches, that's what makes them so valued around the world. I told them maybe next time their mother brought him out I would see if could get him a tour of the 2X4 forest. It is safer because less lumberjacks get hurt, but then again, less skilled people can be hired for less because all you need is a skillsaw to cut down the neat rows of 2X4 tress.

Their answer was if they are so special to Americans why don't they just send some special seeds to America so hey can grow their own, clever kid!

They made mum promise to come out next summer, the things I do to get....a friend to visit. :)


A year or so ago, when they were REALLY little, I told them the bails of hay wrapped in white plastic on the farms were actually giant marshmallows, the farmers place them there as an offering so the giants don't ruin the farms.

Of course this was shortly after them seeing Bugs Bunny as a miner in the Gaint's carrot patch.

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OZ your as bad as my nephew

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Bring on your 2x4 Colin

He has a magic cream that cures all hurts on little kids and he got it about 20 years ago from one of my brothers. At a funeral in Canberra I saw him go up to one of the little ones who had hurt herself and say "I'll use some of Uncle Tony's magic cream to take away the hurt and start the repair. Well the look on the kids face was worth everything as it was a cross between "Are you MAD" to "I wonder if this actually works" either way it stopped the tears but for the rest of the day the little girl was walking around looking at the injury and then her uncle. No one else got a look in.

Being the mad bar steward that I am I enjoyed it immensely and it did lighten up the day no end.

Col

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I still feel guilty for taking credit for this one

by Oz_Media In reply to OZ your as bad as my neph ...

I was playing with a girfriends 4 year old on a swing set at the park on a partially cloudy day. As a small cloud passed over the sun he jumped off the swing and ran toward the truck saying "IT'S GONNA RAAAAIIIIIN!!" I called him back and told him not to worry the sun will come back out. A second or two later the cloud passed and the sun beamed down on him, he glowed,gave me a big hug and said thanks. I just smiled and hugged him back and said..."You're welcome".

A friend that was with us just rolled his eyes and still gives me a hard time for pretending to be God.

But her son thinks the world of me!

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