Day off Friday Yuk!

That post would have fit PERFECTLY in with my "Mature Yuk" last week! :D So much for being ahead of us, huh? ;\

I figure SHMBO was looking over your shoulder the whole time, as these were not exactly the way a REAL guy would tell them! :p

by hal 9000 Aug 11, 2006

But just to make my night I told [b]SHMBO[/b] the first one at the top of your original listing round 6.30 PM and got hit over the head I've just woken up and it's going 10.30 PM and I have a headache. :0

Col

by rob mekel Aug 11, 2006

------------
LIFE AFTER DEATH

?Do you believe in life after death?? the boss asked one of his employees.

?Yes, Sir,? the new employee replied.

?Well, then, that makes everything just fine,? the boss went on. ?After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother?s funeral, she stopped in to see you.?

-----------
HALF PRICE

US Air recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their
husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department
sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates,
asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Letters are still pouring in asking, ?What
trip??

------------
THE WATER PISTOL

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased.

I turned to Mom and said, ?I?m surprised at you. Don?t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns??

Mom smiled and then replied, ?I remember.?

------------
Engineers

What?s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons.

Civil engineers build targets.

---------

Well have a great weekend all.

Rob

the "water pistols" one is perfect, although it is usually ME that bought things that drove the EX up the friggen wall! :^0

All in all, a good list Rob!

Those are nice Rob! :)

As none of the brits have come out to play, we get to make fun of them! :D

------------------------------------

Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats.
The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots' ingenuity.
On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that, oddly, the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway, again, just before the conductor came through, the Scots piled into one of the toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other. Then one of the Scots leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door, he picked it up and quickly closed the door.

------------------------------

[b]What it is to be British[/b]

It is often said that when it comes to sex and the British there is a strange undercover relationship between the two that would suggest we are shy about our sexual habits and find humour in everything of a sexual nature. Is this actually true? Do people in modern day Britain still have these repressive thoughts or have things changed?

The British and flashing in public, Catholic priests, obsession with farting, perverts and judges with whips all lead to a very mixed bag of zany British humour that some outsiders could find worrying.

Once extremely popular and thankfully on the wane, numerous British seaside resorts used to sell funny postcards with quite often ridiculous jokes that hinted on or directly illustrated strange sexual behaviour or repressed sexual feelings that could only be openly expressed on postcards.

Ask 10 British men to walk into a chemist and ask the pretty girl at the counter for a packet of condoms. Blushes all round in most cases. Why is this? Why do we still feel it necessary to tie the groom naked to a lampost on the eve of his wedding?

There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.

The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.'

And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English b**tard again .

----------------------------

Jim was speeding along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over.
"What's wrong, Eric?" Jim asked.
"Well didn't you know, Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Eric.
"Ah, praise God!" he replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

------------------------

An Englishman, roused by a Scot's scorn of his race, protested that he was born an Englishman and hoped to die an Englishman.
"Man," scoffed the Scot, "hiv ye nae ambeetion"?

----------------------------

What's green and look's like a bucket?

a green bucket.... ;\

I actually laughed at the green bucket thingy. I'm truly beginning to wonder about my state of mind..

Last night police were called to a branch of Pizza Hut after a body of a member of staff was found covered in mushrooms, onions ham and cheese. The police spokesman said that there was a strong possiblity that the man had topped himself.

Two little old ladies were walking through the park one Sunday afternoon. The band was playing a catchy sounding tune, and one of the old ladies said, "I wonder what the name of that tune is". The other one noticed a sign posted near the bandstand and said, "It looks like they post the names of their selections. I'll go down and see". A while later she came back and told her companion, "It's the Refrain from Spitting".

A hermit was arrested after driving a hundred miles an hour, the charge was recluse driving.

When William Shakespeare went swimming one day he was obsessed with the notion that moths had been feeding on the back of his trunks! He asked a friend to investigate and make a thorough search. The friend replied, "No holes, bard."

A man was walking down the street and he met a small boy. The man asked what was his name.
The boy replied, 'six and seven-eighths.'
The man asked him why his parents had given him such a strange name, and he replied, 'they just picked it out of a hat.'

A man wants into a bar and asks for a pint of lager and a packet of helicopter crisps.
'Sorry', said the barman, 'we don't have any helicoper crisps, we only have plane.'

A man goes into a fish and chip shop and says 'Can I have fish and chips twice please?'
The shop owner says, 'I heard you the first time.'

A policeman walked over to a parked car and asked the driver if the car was licensed. 'Of course it is,' replied the driver.
'Great, I'll have a pint then.'

Railway Porter (cheerfully) - Miss the train, sir?
Passenger - No, I didn't like the look of it, so I chased it out of the station.

Dad,

I haven't received my adoption papers or British passport yet.

May I still read this joke?

Thanks,

Sonny Boy :D

until you've had the induction course.

Never mind, son. I'll forgive you one day for going off with the Gorgeous Geordie and leaving your poor old Dad sitting lonely at home...

Haway...

We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious consideration.

Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for further refinement. The questions which follow might assist you in your process of revision:

1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature and Nature's God." What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria on which you base your central arguments? Please document with citations from the recent literature.

2. In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of mankind." Whose polling data are you using? Without specific evidence, it seems to us the "opinions of mankind" are a matter of opinion.

3. You hold certain truths to be "self-evident." Could you please elaborate. If they are as evident as you claim then it should not be difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting statistics.

4. "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" seem to be the goals of your proposal. These are not measurable goals. If you were to say that "among these is the ability to sustain an average life expectancy in six of the 13 colonies of at last 55 years, and to enable newspapers in the colonies to print news without outside interference, and to raise the average income of the colonists by 10 percent in the next 10 years," these could be measurable goals. Please clarify.

5. You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Government...." Have you weighed this assertion against all the alternatives? What are the trade-off considerations?

6. Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive. Such a long list of grievances should precede the statement of goals, not follow it. Your problem statement needs improvement.

7. Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all. You state that the colonies "ought to be Free and Independent States," and that they are "Absolved from All Allegiance to the British Crown." Who or what must change to achieve this objective? In what way must they change? What specific steps will you take to overcome the resistance? How long will it take? We have found that a little foresight in these areas helps to prevent careless errors later on. How cost-effective are your strategies?

8.Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for implementing your strategy? Who conceived it? Who provided the theoretical research? Who will constitute the advisory committee? Please submit an organization chart and vitas of the principal investigators.

9. You must include an evaluation design. We have been requiring this since Queen Anne's War.

10. What impact will your problem have? Your failure to include any assessment of this inspires little confidence in the long-range prospects of your undertaking.

11. Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized budget, and manpower utilization matrix.

Please submit your replies. Our due date for unsolicited proposals is July 31, 1776. Ten copies with original signatures will be required.

by deadly ernest Aug 11, 2006

environmental impact study.

Sorry, DE. :D

by hal 9000 Aug 11, 2006

Why are you keeping our Bureaucrats to run the place and until you return them to us your so called [b]New Country[/b] is going to be exactly the same as everything you are complaining about. [b]NA on Second Thoughts Keep Them.[/b] You'll live to regret your actions and be begging us to take them back. :^0

Col ]:)

by x-marcap Aug 11, 2006

It didn't reach The colonies until after we pulled your sorry kiesters out of the fire multiple times.

Also, it is being returned for insufficient postage. You know the Stamp Act!!! ;-)

what you're on about. "kiesters out of the fire multiple times"

Translation please. :D

Since I don't have the proper appendage, I'm not invited. On the other hand, I don't like to golf and with over half the users out today, I'm not going to have an overly taxing day. With that in mind, I thought some golf jokes would be in order..

There are two guys out on the course that come up on a couple of ladies playing slow. One of the guys walks up towards the ladies to ask if they can play through. About halfway there he turns around and comes back and says to his friend, "I can't go up there and talk to them, that is my wife and my mistress." So his friend replies, "I'll go up and ask them." When he is halfway there he turns around and comes back and states to his friend. "Small world".

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, Hey, this looks like yours!"

Top 10 things that are dirty in golf but aren't:

10. Nuts . . . my shaft is bent.

9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

7. Look at the size of his putter.

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

5. Mind if I join your threesome.

4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

1. Hold up . . . I need to wash my balls first!

by deadly ernest Aug 14, 2006

I'd never played golf before and neither the company or I were prepared to pay for lessons and the club were not prepared to give any lessons free. So I followed the basic instructions.

1. Put tee into ground.

2. Place ball on tee.

3. Hit hard with driver.

New instructions, get huge divot and put back in ground, AND don't push tee all the way into the ground it's supposed to be holding the ball up off the ground to stop you making divots, got it.

Now I did

1. Placed tee lightly in the ground, such to hold ball off the ground.

2. Place ball on tee.

3. hit ball to he11 with driver.

Ball leaves tee like a patriot missile, like said missile it goes up at 45 degrees and rising, going more upright, soon spinning ball is overhead and headed behind us. Ball stops in club house bar after taking out huge plate glass window and two expensive bottles of spirits.

Manager comes out screaming, 15 witnesses explains it's impossible. Tells me to hit another one.

Repeat placement of Tee and ball, hit as hard as I can. Same response ball takes off at a sharp upward angle, spins in the air and does a lovely U-turn and strike attack at club house bar, a few more bottles of spirits are now dripping all over the remains.

later on another driving range, a co-worker and I worked out that the problem was the way I placed the Tee, just in the ground. When I hit the ball I was getting the bottom half of the ball with the club as the club is starting to rise and not on the flat aprt of the swing. Result ball is hit upward from underneath with a hell of a lot of English on it. It hits the air gets some grip and starts doing aerobatic manouvers.

I was banned for life from all the golf clubs in the area.

by tig2 Aug 11, 2006

Just a reaction to all the stress.

You'll be back to your old self soon, promise!

I remember specifically you told me

a) you would not be available while I was in England
b) you would not be near Florida on your travels to the United States.

And just to think...I saved ?100 just to have pints with you. :(

Oh well, I should be flying into London next year if my trip comes to fruition to see my friends in Portsmouth and Tottenham and Ipswich, as well as returning to WBA and Newcastle again.

If it does, I'll let you know and reserve another drinking kitty for us! :D

Sonny Boy

What did you think of the West Midlands? :p

Lovely part of the country that!! :p

P.S. Albion suck.... Wolves forever!!! :D

by gadgetgirl Aug 11, 2006

He likes living - he'll tell you he prefers Newcastle.... ;)

besides that, being a True and Genuine Geordie, I got to do the tour guide bit....

well, I issued his Geordie passport, and even got a Geordie dictionary for him, too!! :D

Loved Black Country.

And, not one Wolves fan was big enough to come up and say that to my face, as I wore my T-Mobile Baggies jersey.

Being 6'6 and looking like I wrestle trucks for a living is dissuasive...or, the Wolves' pubs hadn't opened long enough for them to get pissed as most Wolves fans do for a living. :D

So you gonna be at the match 22 October? Wish I could be.

BOING BOING BAGGIES BAGGIES!!!

(ROFL...If I sound daft, it's cause I don't know how to talk back like a real Baggies fan...I just got adopted cause one of my mates is a shareholder in their club :D Did I mention I went into the T-Mobile box? It's nice to have friends. Cheers! :) )

by tonythetiger Aug 11, 2006

A guy walkings to town looking for some female companionship stops at the first whorehouse and knocks on the door. The madam opens a little peephole and says

"Whaddya want?"

Guy: "I wanna get screwed."

Madam: "OK. Slip a fifty under the door."

So the guy slips a fifty under the door and waits... and waits... and waits... then knocks on the door again.

Madam: "Yeah, whaddya want?"

Guy: "I wanna get screwed!"

Madam: "What, AGAIN?"

===

An ugly man goes to the doctor with a toad stuck to his head. The doctor says "My God man, how did that happen?" The toad says "I really don't know, Doctor. It all started with a wart on my ass."

===

A mother was walking to the store with her 4-year-old in tow. On the way, the mother sees two dogs mating in the crosswalk. Too late, the little boy seen it, and asked his mother what the dogs were doing.

She told him, "Well, that one dog's legs are broken and the other one is helping him across the street."

The boy thought for a few seconds, then said, "You know mom, Dogs are kind of like people aren't they? You try to help them out, and you end up getting screwed."

by bubba69 Aug 11, 2006

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
Male fraud
Light travels faster than sound
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
One of his fingers is clean
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
Both crews were marooned
"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!"
"Sit down and I'll deal with you later."
"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge!"
"What's come over you?"
"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!"
"Pull yourself together!"
Why did Santa's little helper feel depressed?
He had low elf esteem
What's considered bi-sexual in Alabama?
Someone who likes sheep and goats
How do you cheese off a female archeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Montgomery, Alabama burned down?
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
Why does O. J. Simpson want to move to Alabama?
Everyone has the same DNA
Confucius Says...
"Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new key"
"Man who fart in church must sit in own pew"
"Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok"
"Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly"
"Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone"
"Man who stand in front of car get tired."
"Man who stand behind car get exhausted."
"Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day"
"Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ."
"Man who buy many prunes get good run for money"
"Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk"
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth"
"War doesn't determine who is right. War determines who is left."
"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse"
"It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it"
"Man who drive like hell bound to get there"
"Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs"
"Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night"
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot"
How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
What is the main reason Santa is so jolly?
He knows where all the bad girls live
What does Kenny G say when he walks into an elevator?
"This place rocks!"
What do you get when cross a godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand
Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
They need a map
Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the coin toss?
He elected to receive
What is Iraq's national bird?
Duck
Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
So they can see their Air Force
Why is it twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
You only have to teach them to take off
What is the best Iraqi job?
Foreign Ambassador
What do people do with broken down cars in West Virginia?
Build a house next to them
Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?
It saves time in the long run
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin
What was the witches' favorite subject in school?
Spelling
Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend
What does the incestuous hillbilly family do on Halloween?
Pump kin
What's the difference between a paint mixer and a British au pair?
No one leaves children in the care of a paint mixer
When a man talks nasty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
$3.99 a minute
Chinese couple's in bed. Husband says, "I want a sixty-nine."
His wife says, "You want beef and broccoli now?"
When did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood and not a real boy?
The day his hand caught on fire
What would you call a musician who doesn't have a girlfriend?
Homeless
What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
Wipes himself
How are women and rocks alike?
You skip the flat ones
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get the remote
What do anniversaries and toilets have in common?
Men always miss them
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
It changes your blood type
What do you call 1,000 armed lesbians?
Militia Etheridge
What's the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?
A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball
Why are hurricanes named after women?
They're wet and wild when they come and take your house when they leave
What's the difference between John Denver and the stock market?
People would cry if the stock market crashed
Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
No phone numbers
Guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck.
Bartender says, "All right, I'll let ya stay---but don't start nuthin."
What did Raggedy Ann say to Pinocchio as she was sitting on his face?
"Tell the truth! Tell a lie! Tell the truth! Tell a lie!
What goes click-click-click..."Did I get it?"
Ray Charles doing Rubik's Cube
What's brown and hides in the attic?
The Diarrhea Of Anne Frank
When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did -- in his sleep.
Not screaming like the passengers in his car

by mordacity Aug 11, 2006

Really almost the whole list was great, but the auto mechanic with a clean finger and the musician without a girlfriend got me laughing out loud. Good thing I'm not still down in the cube farm - my coworkers would think I'd gone bonkers.

Although Brignorth was beautiful...and the Black Country folk are great...

Well, Newcastle itself... and GG being the best hostess and guide you'll find in all the UK...and...well...Stephanie, the good looking 6'+ blonde bartender I met...oh...as well as getting Alan Shearer and Lee Clark to sign stuff for me...and sitting front row at a NUFC 2-1 victory over Everton...and did I mention Stephanie ending up being a bit of a nutter and my mate Steve's recently-divorced friend Phil taking her off my hands so that I didn't get accosted in Newcastle?

I enjoyed Birmingham/WBA/Black Country...my mate Kevin is a great host as well. But, Birmingham itself just was a bit too "cosmopolitan" for me. Loved Newcastle to death...it had that feel I like...and well...then there was Elizabeth...from South Africa...but, she was dating Steve's other mate Anthony at the time, or I'd have been talking to her...spritely, well-mannered, lovely woman. They're broke up now and she's in South Africa, but Steven is gonna tell her next he speaks to her about her catching my eye...and get her thoughts.

As I mentioned elsewhere, I'll return to WBA and Newcastle to visit if I get to take another holiday in February. I have to wait and see what happens between now and then.

Worst case: I can't come

Best case: I'll be living somewhere in Ireland and can fly across about once every 2 months to see friends on Bank Holiday weekends.

I loved the UK tho. Super place. Will be back there again, if I can help it.

Oh GG...did I tell you? Steve and his wife want me to move there. Told him if I did, I'd have to get season tickets for seats next to his...then I'd be full blown dedicated to NUFC and have to disappoint my other friends who are WBA, Chelsea and Arsenal supporters :D

Have no fear...I'll be back to the UK...and your beer stocks will yield higher dividends again :D

Cheers!

Worst Company URLs

1. A site called ?Who Represents? where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name? wait for it? is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there?s the Italian Power Generator company?
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you?re looking for computer software, there?s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there?s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

by onbliss Aug 11, 2006

It could be that their URL was made fun of and that they changed it :-) Anyhow, for atleast few years now, their url is www.experts-exchange.com

Those are good!! :D :^0

by maevinn Aug 11, 2006

Thanks for brightening a gloomy Friday. :D

I doubt my wife would let me fly over there for a soccer game! :)
We are hoping to go back for Christmas though. Actually, I will be attending my first Lambeau Field home game for the Packers vs. Bears on the 10th of September.... I am pumped!! :D
Did you go to any clubs in Wolves? It used to have a pretty good scene, not quite like Miami I don't think, but pretty good.

:D It got the same reaction out of me, but then again it was 1am and I had been into the singlemalt for a bit, so lots of things were amusing me about then!

----------------------------

poked and prodded all day. :( And not the good way either! Have one more test to do, and I am not looking forward to it at all! home test.

1pm though and I am now free for the rest of the day. the boys are playing video games. All is well.

by old guy Aug 11, 2006

Edited out--change of mind.

the benefit of alcohol and it was STILL funny. Although, my sense of humor may have been permanently altered due to use of alcohol over the years.

When will you get your test results back? Maybe we should start calling you pincushion..

X-(

Have one specimin sample that has to be returned monday, and each takes a few days.

I just hope I don't have to go in to find out what is what!

Doc didn't see overly worried though.

I have been saying the green bucket joke repeatedly to Thing one....... :D

umm..pulled your a$$es out of danger multiple times..

The opinion posted does not reflect mine, I am only helping with translation. :)

by x-marcap Aug 11, 2006

Over paid, over sexed, over here.

Nothing had changed, attitude wise, from 1943 to 1977... When dear old Dad was there and when I was in Glouchester.

by alex Aug 23, 2006

Glouchester? where's that?

do you mean Gloucester?

come on old bean, try and spell english words correctly, after all we let you speak our language, common courtesy and all that!

And the "over sexed, over paid and over here" thing...

would this be from when you turned up late (again) and tried to say you lot won the war?

sorry for the delay in posting (over a week late), been a bit busy to read the yuk :(

NITS (tm) can cope with most Americanisms - we get enough of your TV! I was just after an explanation as to just when he thinks this "keister-pulling" happened.

The Yuks not the place to do it but if he wants to meet over in another thread on Monday, I do like blowing US military types away.

Barrel, fish, shooting, you know...

My mother (82 tomorrow), big bruv and sister-in-law are coming down for a weekend in The Big City so no TR after this evening. Tourist Guide for the weekend...

with the neighbors, which usually lasts long past my bedtime and results in slight morning nausea and headache.

I hope you have a lovely visit!

by x-marcap Aug 11, 2006

She deserves happiness. Hopefully your US trip is pleasant and uneventful.

by maevinn Aug 11, 2006

Not sure if a real-life funny is appropriate, but here goes! DVD trouble ticket reports and the resolution.

Rep: My computer won't play DVD's.
Res: Your computer doesn't have a DVD player.

Rep: Laptop wasn't producing any sound for a DVD.
Res: Turn off Mute.

Rep: My computer won't burn DVD's.
Res: Please try again with burnable DVD's. (User was trying to write over a movie they didn't like.)

Rep: I can't email the file from a DVD to the boss.
Res: The email system can't handle a 2 GB file.

Edit to add:

Question: How can you tell if this is a CD or a DVD?
Answer: I read the label.

you can't make the match :(

Wish I could go too.

Did not make Wolverhampton. My mate Kevin is not too keen on going there, as he is a [b]life-long die-hard Baggies supporter[/b].

I mean literally...anytime told someone I was going to Birmingham to see him...he'd say "West Brom"...hahahaha. He's Black Country folk, and a good gent. Taught me about not calling one place another...since that might upset some.

I'm hoping to go back in February once more before my passport runs out, unless I move to Ireland or the UK. Then, I'll be back every couple of months. :D

my stepdaughter (who will be 21 tomorrow) used to go NUTS over the spongebob song. Before she moved in with us, I used to call her and say, "Hey, I have a question for you". Then I'd sing "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea.."

I actually got her to wait for the question a couple times before she caught on..