Dealing with upset users

OK. This is better in a class, but here's the idea:

Our goal is not to repress or stop emptional feelings in others or ourselves but to accept and listen and help channel and dirrect them to constructive outcomes. To do this we must first learn to seperate the PERSON from the PROBLEM. We also need to then become an seperate ourselves from the PROBLEM and become an ALLY to the PERSON in dealing with the PROBLEM. (There are some good exercises for this.)

Now that the problem (Screaming, disrespect may be the first problems to get past with the PERSON) is identified in the seperation from the person we can learn about a very predictable process all humans go through, the crisis cycle. Here it is:

Tracking all calls.
The amount of time disproportionally spent on a few consistantly angry users that have trouble operating their workstations may show that additional user training from your department would come out ahead in a cost benefit analysis.

"Nobody ever won an argument with a customer."
-L.L. Bean

Step 1 – Establish the correct mind-set:

Don’t take an angry, abusive, or otherwise difficult customer personally. This may be difficult for some people to do, since many people have a natural defense mechanism that raises their ire as well, but a good support person just has to have the ability to remain calm in the midst of the storm. They must realize – and actually believe - that the customer is not angry and/or yelling at “them” but rather at something outside of themselves. Compare it to a doctor who is working on a patient who is in severe pain. The patient may scream at the doctor, but most doctors realize it’s not personally directed at them, but rather at the pain, and thereby can calmly andprofessionally continue to treat their patient to a (hopefully) successful conclusion. After all, it’s impossible to be “personally” affected by someone’s words if you simply choose to not take it personally.

With a littlepractice, it becomes easier. So why not practice? Have some training sessions on the subject of dealing with difficult customers. This may sound a little hokey, but if structured correctly could have some excellent results. Have one support person assume the role of a difficult customer and actually emulate an angry customer’s demeanor. Have another support person “in the hot seat”. Have the other support people listen and make suggestions, and talk about how to best diffuse that situation. Believe me, this will become a very fun training session, your support people will be laughing at the lunacy they hear, but some excellent results will certainly ensue.

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Step 2 – Develop some coping techniques:

Call the customer by name. Mr. Smith will appreciate the personal touch and respond a little better. If you know this customer from a previous experience, acknowledge that prior relationship. Make Mr. Smith feel as though he’s the most important person in the world. Tell him, “Mr. Smith, rest assured that I’ll stick with this until I have the problem solved to your satisfaction.” If he is hell bent on just venting some anger and it’s getting out of hand, something like, “Mr. Smith, would you like me to just listen to you vent your anger or should I focus instead on solving this problem”? Or, “How can I help you if you keep yelling at me?” Or, “Mr. Smith, can you work with me here? Together I think we can solve this problem.”

If you’re in a face-to-face situation, and there are others around, you may want to go to a private location where there are no distractions, and where listening can be made the main focus. And then listen.

Make the customer feel as though you’ve taken on his problem as your own. If it’s a problem you can’t deal with because it’s outside your realm, then make sure it gets to a person who does have the expertise to solve it.

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Step 3 – Control the intensity of the conversation:

When people are angry, they tend to (as we all know) talk louder and faster. When they are met with a similar tone, they subsequently step-up their tone, and on and on it goes. Control thetone by speaking softer and slower. This will entice the customer to do the same. And if the customer is intent on arguing, just let him go and don’t enter into the argument. After all, an argument is when two people want to be heard more thanthey are willing to listen. You can avoid ALL arguments be simply going into the listening mode.

Step 4 – Don’t challenge the customer:

Don’t “counter-attack” the customer by saying something like, “That’s not true” or “We wouldn’t do that” or “It couldn’t have happened that way”. Instead, ask him to explain. Ask him to elaborate. Ask him, “What makes you think that”? Give him the benefit of a doubt and investigate why he might make an assertion that you find hard to imagine.

Step 5 – Be understanding:

A customer is irate, not because he wants to be, but for other reasons. He’s tired; he’s frustrated; he’slost some time; he’s lost some data; he’s lost some money (That would get anyone mad); he can’t cope effectively with his stress; he missed, or is in danger of missing, a deadline; his wife is yelling at him.

If you or your company or another support person or your product had anything to do with creating the problem, then apologize and acknowledge the situation. Then move on to finding the solution. “Gosh, Mr. Smith, I see what you mean. What can I do to help?”

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Step 6 – Know when you can’t handle it:

If this call is concerning a technical problem for which you can’t solve, pass it on to someone more knowledgeable. If you feel that more authority is necessary, pass it up to your supervisor. If this person is just getting the best of you, pass it over to a second person. If the person is really getting abusive and there’s every reason to believe it will continue, simply say, “Mr. Smith, not only can I not help you when your behaving like that, but I won’t accept being treated like that. Please call me back when you calm down. I’ll be happy to help when you can help me help you.”

Every Step:

Keep a level head. Remain calm. Stay solution oriented. Ask yourself, “What can I do to make this situation better”. That’s the attitude to have. And when people approach problems with that attitude, things will almost always get better. And not only is the situation better, but there’s an enormous amount of self-satisfaction for having done it.

(What a great exercise this was. Thanks for opening up this discussion.)

If the circumstances warrant it, why not try to prevent future episodes with a particular "irate" customer (or even any customer) by a simple follow-up?

"Hello, Mr. Smith, this is so-and-so from such-and-such support company. Did our past solutions solve the problem you were having? Is everything going alright?"

With this being the last contact with the formally irate Mr. Smith, the next time he calls he's much more likely to be civil. (And give you a good recommendation to new customers.)