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Did you have a happy childhood?

By jardinier ·
One month ago an American woman stumbled upon one of my websites and, seeing articles which related to the subject matter of some symbolic dreams she was having, she sent me a number of these dreams in the hope that I could help her to interpret them.

She has agreed wholeheartedly to my suggestion to post her dreams on that particular website, and include her email address in the hope that someone may read this material and be able to assist with the interpretation.

You will realise as you read this account of her childhood that her skills of literacy are very limited, and the extract below has been edited by myself to make it easy to read. I can assure you that this is not fiction, because of the content of many other emails which she has sent me.

However, as a recent/current discussion about (animal) pets has evoked the most extraordinarily deep and personal feelings, perhaps this poor woman's story will encourage you to share any extremely unpleasnt experiences you may have had as a child, or at any age at all.

WARNING: If you are of faint heart do not read on.

When I was born I was not wanted and was neglected by both parents who were mentally ill people. I was born with Rickets and was told I would not live. When I was a baby my mother would stuff food down my throat. When I was 5 years old my mother locked me away in a room. I was not allowed to associate with any member of my family. When my sister was born she as well was put in the same room as I was but not before she was about three. We only had each other and no one else. This went on until I reach the age of 12 years. I was always kept in a dark room and was not allowed out of the room to go to the bathroom or anywhere else. I was tormented and abused there day after day.

I was told by my mother she didn't know what she hated the most -- me or the ground that I walk upon. But being a child I didn't understand her. I was beaten many times. I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom so I had to do it in the room. Of course I was beaten for that as well. I carry a scar on my face after being cut by my parent. I was fed dog food to eat and was fed only once in a while. I stayed in an empty room with nothing in it but an old spring mattress that I had to sleep on -- me and my sister both. I was abused more than my sister and hated the most. I never knew a kind word from my parents. I was robbed of my education as well. I am lucky to be able to read and write. I am so thankful for that. I learnt to eat out of garbage cans whenever my brothers would come to the room and let me out. I never had a Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter with my parents. All I knew was a dark room where I stayed most of my childhood life until I went into welfare at the age of 12.

I was not allowed to show love or feel it. If I did I paid a price for it. I soon learnt that just the word love caused me deep pain and hurt. If any one would touch me it would hurt me. This was beaten into me that love was not in my being. I tried to show it at times as a child, and when I did I soon found out the price I would paid for it. I lived in a psychotic family only with madness. The only things I had going for me were to stay alive and survive. There were no foundation laid in love for me, only darkness, loneliness, despair without hope. But it seems like the Kundalini was there. She made sure I was going to survive, which I did unto this day. I only knew hate and what learning was taught by the parents. There was no love or communication in my family. I was always told I was to been seen and not heard. I soon learnt that I was not seen nor heard.

My childhood life was a horrifying one. I was to skip my childhood and go into being a little adult in order for myself to survive which I did. I became my own mother. I was never held nor touched by my parents. Becoming my own mother I learnt how to become a mother to my sister as well, even though our own mother would not have anything to do with us. So my roots seem to connect with my own mother which I became, and not to the woman I called mother. I had no bond with her. I was detached from her at birth it seems. The roots of myself seem to go back to the mother I became and grew out of that.

I know this may not make any sense to you and maybe you will not understand what I am saying. The only mother I know is myself, which started at a very young age for me. I guess it was the only way I could survive. But all in all I have learnt that life is learned through the experiences one endures. For me I think that maybe the human is trying to experience the spirit, or the spirit is trying to experience what it feels like to be human. What I have is experiences and experiencing what it is like to experience this. Whether it is trying to experience the spirit or the spirit trying to experience the human. I hope this make some sense to you. Julian you can't see who you are talking to, because I can't get a photograph on my computer so you cannot see me. Sorry about that. I guess you will have to try and see me through my writing of what kind of person I am. I am 60 years of age now but very much young at heart. I have an open mind as well. Again thank you for responding back to me. You take care and have a great day. Dona

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Too hard?

by jardinier In reply to Did you have a happy chil ...

I guess this is in the "too hard" basket for most people.

However I received an immediate response via PM from one of the more active female members of TR, and put her in touch with the woman Dona, for which Dona was very grateful, as she welcomes any support she can get.

Dona's dreams mostly relate to the Kundalini. She has found on the internet someone who seems to be able to give good interpretations.

For anyone who does not know about Kundalini, it is related to Hindu spiritual philosophy.

So you will see that this mysterious force gave Dona the will to survive her childhood, and now as a 60-year-old woman, it is helping her to understand herself and become a whole person.

One of her dreams related to Jesus and I will post that here in case someone is interested.

May 1, 2006-06-01
Hi there. I had this one this morning. Dream title: ?Commanding the evil spirit back to ****.? I was aware of myself at the old house where I used to live and was married to my ex. We are not together now. I was outside planting and transplanting trees and flowers. It seemed all around the old house and in the yard. I was working very hard in doing this. I was aware I needed some socializing and to be around human beings, as I have always kept to myself. I was aware that I was trying to do that for myself. I was aware I was sitting in the back yard resting after some from planting. There seemed to be others there as well sitting with me, but I was aware that I sat away from the people. I sat by myself.

The next thing I realized I was looking and watching a man who was walking among the people who were resting. As this man did this he looked over at me sitting by myself and when he looked I was a little uncomfortable. He made his way to me. I realized that this man was Jesus. He came straight to me, and when he did I realized what he said. I was lying on my back and he was lying on his side next to me, face to face with me and Jesus said these words to me. He said: ?Evil Spirit I condemn you to ****, come out of her.? He was saying this to the young female (myself it seemed). I was aware that when Jesus spoke these words to the evil spirit it didn't want to come out of her and it was resisting. It was trying very hard to stay in the female, but it couldn't. It was no match for the Power of Jesus. The power?s name was Jesus.

The next thing I knew Jesus was walking away from me and some other people were walking by his side as he left me. I ran to Jesus, but he continued to walk away. I knew he did what he came to do to me and for me. I had a solid white flower in my hands. It looked like a Lotus flower to me. I wanted to give it to Jesus. This awesome power that came to me in a human form was so beautiful. Then I was aware of this. My dreams are like watching TV. You turn on the TV to watch programs and other movies. I felt as though maybe I was watching my own life being shown to me through the TV. It was running and being played.

It seems that for me that my dreams are my reality and this reality I am living now is but an illusion. My dreams are the real reality and this life as I know it and living it and walking through it is not real. It is only an illusion. Julian I wanted to share this with you. This dream comes back to back with the dream I sent you the other day. I would like your insight on this beautiful dream. Thank you so much for your kindness and help. Dona

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I thought I did.

by Mickster269 In reply to Did you have a happy chil ...

I grew up during the '60's, in Colorado. I really thought I had a great childhood. My dad taught me how to ride a bike, my mom was always there to help me with my homework.

I stayed up late one night, and watched astronauts land on the moon, on a 11" B&W TV. We listened to the Beach Boys on an 8-track player in the car. My parents protested the War, and I went along with them.

In the 70's, they bought a house. I walked anywhere from half a mile to a mile to school every day. It wasn't uphill, and it didn't snow EVERY day (ok, it was Denver, it did snow a lot). I didn't wear the top notch clothing of the day, but I was only a month or two behind. I thought it was a pretty good life.My parents loved me, I loved them, and I thought it was ok.

Now, I find out I was terribly abused. It seems, I was a "latch key" kid. I had a key to our houses, where I let myself in after school, and occupied myself until my parents came home. It seems they both worked jobs, so I was (gasp) left alone in our homes for upwards of 2 hours..ALONE.. in my house. Even though I followed the rules my parents set down, this was a grevious example of child abuse.

Golly Gee, I find out that having to walk to school for more than a city block is unheard of. Nevermind that at the time, the School Busses only imported kids from the other side of the city... apparently my parents should have filed suit against the city.

I've come to found out, since I grew up... that my parents scrimped and saved, and did everything they could to make our lives happy. While my dad had this wierd way of showing me affection, I found out later in life why. I didn't like him some days, but I realized then and now why he was like that.

Was I happy?

Damn skippy I was happy.

Now, according to all the talk shows, the news pundits, and the countless politicians, I guess I should have been terribly miserable. I didn;'t have all the things that I was supposed to have, to be a normal kid.

But you know what?

My mom and dad loved me. They did everything they could , to make my life good.

And I had a very, very good childhood.

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Same with my Dad (but not my Mum)

by jardinier In reply to I thought I did.

He was not liked by his immediate family members, but of the various values I learnt from my parents, the most important of all -- honesty -- I learnt largely from my Dad.

He was a school teacher and all his life had to do extra work (coaching and so forth) to provide us with basic material requirements.

Sadly his integrity and sacrifice were not appreciated until after he died.

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