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It was reported on the news tonight that because of all the adverse publicity and media attention surrounding the child molestation charges, Michael Jackson attempted to commit suicide by jumping overboard from his yacht.
The Coastguard later found him bobbing up and down on a small buoy.
by hereinoz
Only from an Englishman!! :-)
Alan
by jkaras
I just bought a new state-of-the-art Sony car stereo!
When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music.
When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music.
Some kids ran in front of my car this morning and I shouted
"F***king Kids" ... and it played Michael Jackson
by oz_media
I didn't hear that one yet, nasty, I like it.
I'm laid-up in bed with a wasted back for a few days so it's nice to see an early YUK or two.
Cheers,
OM
by oz_media
:-P
I just got told that one last week and had already forgotten it, I hate it when that happens "oh, I got one, I got one....uhhhhhhhh"
by guruofdos
A spokesman for Olympus has just announced a breakthrough in digital camera technology.
It has been rumoured that the latest models, shortly to go on sale, have shutter speeds so fast they can even take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut.
by hal 9000
The PC Police will be down on you very soon.
But just remember to kick and scream as they drag you away for reeducation it would also help no end if you insisted on the fact that you where quoting directly from an article and have it handy so they will only need to prevent you from seeing the funny side of things like that instead of allowing you're wife to carry you're "Family Jewles" around in her handbag and only allowing you to have them as she requires.
Col
by guruofdos
My 2004 salary review!!!!!
Don't ask...............
by oz_media
Clockwork Orange?
Guru all strapped in being subjected to PC movies while the nurse stands by with the eye drops.
Welly well then Guru, shall we popdown to the Moloko bar for a little pick me up before heading out for a little of the old....ultra violence?
Great stinkin yarbles, now I gotta throw the movie on for a while.
by guruofdos
A man was speaking to his wife. Her birthday was coming up and he was trying to decide what to get her for a gift.
"How about a top of the range sports car, with all the extras?"
"I don't want a car!"
"Ok. How about a first class round-the-world luxury cruise?"
"I don't want a cruise!"
"Well then. What about a Tiffany necklace...24 carat gold with a 20 carat diamond?"
"I don't want a necklace!"
"Well. What you you want then?" he asks her.
She replies "I want a divorce!"
"Hell!, he retorts. "I wasn't planning on spending THAT kind of money!"
by oz_media
Ok man, here we go, screw the Q&A section and replace it with 'Guru's daily joke' section. Then it wouldn't matter if people posted to discussion threads by 'accident'.
We could even have a points system where the reader posts a point value in order to view the joke. After reading it they can accept it as funy or reject it as offensive.!! If they continue to reject jokes (say 5 or 10) they then get a message saying they need to get a sense of humor and they lose 500 points.
I ALWAYS welcome a joke, any time any day just pour it on.
by guruofdos
the 'Dos' in GuruOfDos referred to an obsolete OS??
Think again!
It stands for Dubiously Offbeat Smirking!!!
by hal 9000
Guru Jr has had some unforseen side effects on you.
Keep it up!
Col
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