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essay for school paper.. please look over and critique it

By 5jgibbs ·
now, if you decide you want to help me and review it, and add comments or whatnot, please use the highlighter tool in word for me, so i can see the changes. You can ftp it up as a word file to ftp://user:user@69.169.149.34 your help is dire!!

Jeremy

[start/]
Have you ever struggled with a computer or ever had complications while using one? Imagine running many buildings of computer were problems arise by the minute and need to be delt with in a timely manner. Yes, New Hartford School is the places were this all happens, but not the only place, because there is also the other 3 schools that the Technology department manages. The main office is just in the high school, and most everything can be done right from there. The Network Administrator Mr. Rankins and Network Specialist/Engineer Jason Tallman have a very demanding job. Not only are they both responsible for keeping the network active, but they are responsible for all of the information that is communicated throughout the network. Mr. Rankins is primarily responsible for the implementation of new software and the network integrity. He also works on a computer called the AS-400 which is a mini-mainframe computer. This is mainly used by the office personnel of each building. This one computer holds all the student related data, such as grades, attendance, student schedules and student information. Mr. Rankins is one of two people responsible for the up-keep of that computer/server. This AS400 is also used by the business department. They play a vital role in the business of the school district and Mr. Rankins makes sure that there business is not interrupted and flows smoothly. Mr. Rankins started off as a AS400 RPG programmer for a company called PartLow-west company. As that company grew, Mr. Rankins became involved in networking. Mr. Rankins stated ?networking was not my path chosen but it was different. It allowed me to expand upon what I do.? Eventually the company that he worked for started closing doors, and soon Mr. Rankins was looking for another job. At that time he spotted an ad in the newspaper for a opening in the New Hartford Central School District for the job of Network Administrator. It was a big change but he stated ?there are a good variety of people and problems?. Now Mr. Rankins does this on a daily basis. He monitors network activity, monitors server?s, fixes hardware, experiments with new software, troubleshoots problems, and manages personnel like student techs and Jason Tallman and all of this is done in a timely manor. Some of the things Mr. Rankins likes about is and the occasional thank you from the people he gets to help each day. Also, Mr. Rankins states ?I enjoy the new cutting edge technology that we incorporate into the district?. As many will tell you, Mr. Rankins has a great sense of humor and is a very nice person to deal with.

Another key person in the networking business is Jason Tallman. Jason Tallman started with his networking interests when he was in the sixth grade, he states ?My first run in with computer networking happened around the sixth grade. I setup a small home network so that my brothers and I could play various computer games against each other. I can still remember running the wires through the heating vents in my house. These days you don?t need to do that with the advances in wireless technology?. Jason loves what he does and he believes he came into this field/job at the right time. With the upcoming budget Jason is pushing for two major changes. One, increased security for the overall network and the second is consolidation of services within the network. The consolidation of the services will allow for better overall network manageability and cost effectiveness. In addition to just knowing a great deal about networking, Jason has is CCNA ?Cisco Certified Network Associate?, he also has his certifications in ?Cisco Voice over IP? and ?Apple AppleCare Printers, Desktop and laptop?. Now a CCNA, he states that you have the basic knowledge and skills to operate and maintain a hydrogenise network using Cisco routing equipment. Such equipment that you are tested on to get your CCNA is switches, routers, hubs, and the inns and outs of networking with Cisco hardware and there operating system known as the Cisco IOS or ?internetworking operating system?. Now a brief explanation of a switch would be this, a switch is able to know were the computer wants to send its data, so the switch has a table of all the other computer connected to it, and sends it to the appropriate place. The VOIP portion is voice over IP, so that lets you turn a think such as the school network into a very powerful phone system using special VOIP Cisco routing and switching equipment. These systems are versatile because they can also be implemented through the existing POTS or ?Plane Old Telephone System?. Jason also states ?If I was to ever do a complete field change it would have to be to Formula One driving. Although with the role that technology plays in that industry I guess I would still be working with computers in some fashion. Jason?s favorite part about the school network is its vast potential and the untapped capabilities that are still waiting to be utilized.


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I do not think that this is a suitable forum for this

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to essay for school paper.. ...

As you have given a lot of detail that may be enough for someone unscrupulous to hack the system.

I've just skimmed the paper and saw many passable entry points I think it may be a wise decision to cut back on the details and think more on the actual ways to correct problems as they arise, or better still work out a way to correct problems before the more common ones arise.

Col

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Indeed

by amcol In reply to I do not think that this ...

You need to delete this posting immediately.

Assuming you're a student who's considering a career in IT, you also need to take a course in computer security. Quickly.

Not to mention a course in English. Communication is a key skill for an IT career, and your writing skills need significant improvement.

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I must say I agree fully

by TomSal In reply to Indeed

The others before me said it all already.

This posting should be deleted.

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I agree, this is not a homework forum

by JamesRL In reply to essay for school paper.. ...

But if want one big hint, from someone who has been paid to write, your paragraphs are too long. Break up the story into smaller parts. You can't communicate the technical side of your story until you master basic grammer, spelling and composition rules.

James

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Hate to tell you this....

by cp7212 In reply to I agree, this is not a ho ...

You misspelled grammar. Practice what you preach.

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sorry

by 5jgibbs In reply to Hate to tell you this....

well.. sorry.. i am not giving anything away.. i have a learning disability and i have made great strides in written communications, i have never written an article like this so that?s why it may be messy at first.. tis only a draft. second.. this has been cleared with the IT department, we are using un-routable ip's so we should be fine. ++ most students have no idea how to use the computers, and we constantly monitor them anyway.. i am a student tech..

my grammar may be off.. but i think i got the basic point across.. i am still working on it though.. .. sorry if this is not the "homework thread" but im not exactly a magician with words, i understand communication is key in IT but i am much better speaking it then writing it. if you would help it would be great.. but if you still think this may be a hazard.. i will remove it. thanks

Jeremy

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I don't care whether you leave it

by JamesRL In reply to sorry

or take it down.

I will suggest you read it over, and say it, rather than just read it. At the major points where you stop to take a breath, think about making it a new paragraph.

I would suggest you look for some structure. Here is a high level suggestion.

First Paragraph - Introduction - What theory are you going to explore, what story are you going to tell. Introduce the subject matter and the background.

2nd, 3rd etc. Draw a list of points you want to make. Make each point a separate paragraph. Order the points so that similar points follow each other. Then order the groups so that the stronger paragraphs come towards the last(unless you are writing for a magazined or newspaper).

Last Paragraph. Summarise your points and draw a conclusion - what did you learn.


Hope that helps.

James

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Take it lightly.....

by cp7212 In reply to sorry

Don't take it too seriously. When I first posted on this site, I got ripped to shreds, also. Believe it or not, sometimes when it seems people are being rude, they are trying to help in their own way. And sometimes, they are just being rude.

I got busted on for paragraph breaks, content, and "the proper place for my posts". I wouldn't worry about it much.....

At least you are paying attention to schoolwork, which is more than I can say for a lot of younger people I know. Keep striving to be better and it will pay off in the future. Good luck.

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thanks for all the help

by 5jgibbs In reply to Take it lightly.....

thanks for all the help, after many edits and changes and things of that nature.. i am done.. i will post the final copy tomarrow.. the one thats being printed in our paper... thanks

jeremy

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Difference

by JamesRL In reply to Hate to tell you this....

Yes I mispelled grammar. Don't deny it.

But I was posting on a newsgroup. No one was marking me. I am sure everyone understood what I meant.

It is a different story when you are posting an essay which will be marked.

I have said in newsgroups as far back as ten years ago that a spelling flame is a lame flame. But I am practising what I preach. When I submitted articles to my editor, I printed them out, went over them with a red pen, and did what I anticipated my editor would do.

I used spell checkers, grammar checkers and readability indexes.

I am betting you didn't hate doing that, but enjoyed it. Did you contribute anything that might help the original poster?

James

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