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Favorite Family Guy Quotes

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by ciderick 3 views

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My favorite TV show - here's some of the lines that nearly made me wet myself: -

Lois: Oh my god, I feel just like that woman from Texas who gave her baby brain damage by holding its head under water - OH NO!!!! I'm Barbera Bush...

Peter: You know what pishes me off - the fact that I can never find the droids that I am looking for.

Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
Alyssa: We help those who already have the means to help themselves. Also, we perpetuate the idea that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers.
Chris: I don't know why, but I feel safer already.

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.

Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.

Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a RANT here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antetum. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskalnakov filibuster dioxymonohydrostinate.
Peter: What the hell does RANT mean?

Lois: Come on Stewie, don't be afraid. It's just water, it's not gonna bite.
Stewie Griffin: Shut up! I know it's not going to bite, stupid! What a stupid thing to say. You drown in it you moron! It doesn't have to bite you!

Brian: I just spent all morning watching a VH1 special on Gwen Stefani. I don't know what a Hollaback girl is. All I know is that I want her dead.

Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house

Thats it for now - anyone else got any?

6 replies

by parrish s. knight

"Family Guy" is great, no doubt. My favorite isn't actually a quote,
but what happened immediately after it. The punch line defies
description, so I'm not even going to try, but the set up is this: a
reporter is standing in a hotel room, and he looks into the camera
and says, "In a moment, we will use the special lights to see just
how filthy this seemingly-clean hotel room really is." The delivery
had me roaring. :-)

by mindilator9

Peter, choosing a prize for sitting through a timeshare lecture: "A boat is a boat, Lois, but a box could be anything. It could even be a boat!"

Peter: "I know a guy bought a used car once. Ten years later....Herpes!"

by bigbrains01

Ive seen all episodes... these are my fav (that are not listed so far)

Chris: Hey stewie, would you like some ice cream?
Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles... for every sprinkle I find.. I will kill you!

Peter: Dont worry ive got an Idea.. and Idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about

Hotel Waiter: Um sir, You cant park your van on the diving board.. oh wait... its just a fat kid... hey its ok.. its just a fat kid.

Peter: Hey.. did that door open because Im beautiful?
Peters Beautiful Friend: No.. it opened because you stepped on this black pad.. but if that pad wasant there it would have opened anyway.. because your beautiful.

(Excuse my spelling...)

by mandy_schramm

Every single episode has at least

Stewie: I never knew Biscuit as a dog, but I did know her as a table. She was sturdy, all four legs the same length...

Brian (to Peter): God! (slap) Is! (slap) Pissed! (slap)

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