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Friday Levity...

By maecuff ·
I'm tired of the bitterness and nastiness, and I'm not waiting any longer for OZ to post his Friday Yuk.. so here it goes....

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You?re Drunk

? Indubitably
? Innovative
? Preliminary
? Proliferation
? Cinnamon

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You?re Drunk

? Specificity
? British Constitution
? Passive-aggressive disorder
? Loquacious Transubstantiate

Things That Are Downright Impossible to Say When You?re Drunk
? Thanks, but I don?t want to have sex
? Nope, no more booze for me
? Sorry, but you?re not really my type
? Good evening officer, isn?t it lovely out tonight
? Oh, I just couldn?t. No one wants to hear me sing

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Funny that you posted that

by ITgirli In reply to Friday Levity...

The owner of our company just bought a few cases of beer and started passing them out.

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better be careful...

by maecuff In reply to Funny that you posted tha ...

You don't want to end up at the end of that list :)

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A Government News Release

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Friday Levity...

News Release :
The government announced today that it is changing its emblem from the American
Bald Eagle to a condom beause it more clearly reflects the government's true political
stance and policies.
A condom: stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation,
protects a bunch of pr*cks and gives one a sense of warmth, comfort and security while
getting screwed.

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OOOps

by Oz_Media In reply to Friday Levity...

I even told Colin I was going to add a late Yuk but I just got tied up yesterdau with the fun and festivities.

I hit the track with my favorite handicapping pro's, if you want good track tips, these are the boys!
One-Eye Wally, C-note Charlie, and Glue-factory Fred. They taught me the inside trick of betting ONLY on four legged horses.

I actually came out well ahead for a change. :)

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Well this one is more AU related to fully understand it

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Friday Levity...

You'll need the following advice. Firstly Costello is the current AU Treasure and Abbot is one of the Senior current AU Government members who is considered as the next replacement for Costello.

Enjoy

Col

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking
about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, the name's Lou.
Abbott: Your computer?
Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name's Lou.
Abbott: What about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
Abbott: Do you want a computer with windows?
Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper.
Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
Abbott: Software for windows?
Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommend something.
Costello: You recommended something?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend office with windows.
Costello: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, lets just
say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do
I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office.
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
Costello: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some
straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
Abbott: Yes, you want Real One.
Costello: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of
your business. Just tell me what I need!
Abbott: Real One.
Costello: If its a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I
watch them?
Abbott: Of course.
Costello: Great, with what?
Abbott: Real One.
Costello: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I
do?
Abbott: You click the blue "1."
Costello: I click the blue one what?Abbott: The blue "1."
Costello: Is that different from the blue w?
Abbott: The blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
Abbott: No, just one. but its the most popular Word ; in the world.
Costello: It is?
Abbott: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It
Pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
Costello: And that word is real one?
Abbott: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even Part
of Office.
Costello: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping you have anything I can track my money with?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: That's right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: It comes bundled with your computer.
Costello: What's bundled to my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Why not? THEY OWN IT! (LATER)
Costello: How do I turn my computer off??
Abbott: Click on "START"

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OH COLIN!!

by Oz_Media In reply to Well this one is more AU ...

Didn't you post that one a few months ago?

Someone did, yes it is REALLY well done ad quite funny. But on a Friday Yuk? I KNOW you have better than that, once they are finished drying after a good cleaning up! ;-)

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OZ most of what I hear

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to OH COLIN!!

Are just unprintable in this forum. If I was even to post some of the "Tame" ones I'd get at the very least a warning and more likely thrown off.

How about this one

A solicitor is being driven home in his limo when he sees a guy on the side of the road on all fours appearing to be eating grass. He immediately instructs the driver to stop and he get out and asks the man what he was doing. The man replies well we are so poor that we can not afford any housing or food so in an attempt to fill my stomach I'm eating this grass!

The solicitor is horrified and says this is at best only stubble that not even the kangaroos would consider eating it is unfit for human consumption get in my car and I'll take you home and feed you there it is only a short distance away. The man replies I'd love to but my wife and three kids are under that tree over there and I can't leave them. The solicitor replies well I've got a big enough car they can come as well!

The wife then tells the solicitor that she can't possibly leave her sister and her sisters husband and 5 children all of who are living under the same tree,. The solicitor thinks for a moment and says well it will be a bit of a squeeze but we'll manage and I only live a short distance away so we'll make do. They all get into the car and on the way the man says to the solicitor thank you very much you are such a nice man to pick up complete strangers and offer them food "God will reward you in the next life!" The solicitor replies that's not an issue I'm only doing this because I can and your going to love it at my place as there are quite a few shady trees and the grass is about two foot high!

Is that any better as any of the others would get me kicked off here?

Col

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Ys it IS much beter but....

by Oz_Media In reply to OZ most of what I hear

Either you or someone said it about three days ago, must have been at the track or something.

I hadn't heard it before and was quite amused but I JUST heard it (I think this weekend). But yes, it still get's Kudo's, Colin gets his Gold Star for being a good little contributor!

Cheers mate,
OM

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Geez, Col

by HereInOz In reply to Well this one is more AU ...

That is brilliant. May I have permission to print that out and send it to a few friends? One of the best I have seen in ages.

Absolutely made my day.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Alan

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Alan your welcome

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Geez, Col

With my pleasure.

Col

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