Ok, peeps, it?s Friday for us in the UK, so to save Oz forgetting again, I?ll start the Yuk for today (with thanks to Dawg for the explanation of time zones: I now understand that I?m now posting between midnight Thursday and midnight Friday somewhere in the world?..derrrrrrrr )
As HRH King Swill is absent today, I assume that I?m Chief Guttermonger ? wahey! A promotion!) so straight into the gutter we go, with a few to start you off????
Girl goes into a hairdressers, and states that her boyfriend has horrendous dandruff, and asks for advice on how to get rid of it.
?Give him head and shoulders? the hairdresser stated.
After a few minutes, the girl replied: ? ?.. but how do you give shoulders??
Honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ?Bridal?? the clerk asks the woman. ?No thanks? she says ?I?ll just hang on to his shoulders?
For the Swill King ? two old guys go into a bar. One says ?Shall we have some Guinness? It?s supposed to put lead in your pencil? The other thinks a while then replies ?well, ok then, but I?ve got no-one to write to???
And a one-liner to finish ?
Real men don?t buy expensive ribbed condoms, they just get ordinary ones and shove in a handful of frozen peas.
Have a wonderful weekend all ? thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by Katrina.
GG
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A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.
He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Moishe."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Moishe Glickman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Moishe every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Moishe. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?"
Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."
Passenger. "Wow, some guy eh?
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them"
Passenger: Mmm, not many like that around"
Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answered her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Moishe."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
I figure you're all a bunch of loonies... and can appreciate some psych humor.
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6. If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bit off your ear.
I did look at the discussions list and didn't see a Yuk, much to my surprise. One minute I've got guys posting on a Wednesday afternoon because they are in Australia, the next I don't see a Yuk by mid Friday. My mistake, the torch is handed back to you my dear.
Now go have a great f****n weekend and get the~**** off the computer!
EDIT: The least I can do is offer a Yuk I suppose;
Headlines in 2035
1. Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
2. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.
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Friday (UK Time) Yuk
As HRH King Swill is absent today, I assume that I?m Chief Guttermonger ? wahey! A promotion!) so straight into the gutter we go, with a few to start you off????
Girl goes into a hairdressers, and states that her boyfriend has horrendous dandruff, and asks for advice on how to get rid of it.
?Give him head and shoulders? the hairdresser stated.
After a few minutes, the girl replied: ? ?.. but how do you give shoulders??
Honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ?Bridal?? the clerk asks the woman. ?No thanks? she says ?I?ll just hang on to his shoulders?
For the Swill King ? two old guys go into a bar. One says ?Shall we have some Guinness? It?s supposed to put lead in your pencil? The other thinks a while then replies ?well, ok then, but I?ve got no-one to write to???
And a one-liner to finish ?
Real men don?t buy expensive ribbed condoms, they just get ordinary ones and shove in a handful of frozen peas.
Have a wonderful weekend all ? thoughts and prayers are with all those affected by Katrina.
GG