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Friday Yuk

By neilb@uk ·
A blind Mackem enters a Geordie pub by mistake. He finds his way to the bar and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the landlord: "Hey, you wanna hear a joke about the Geordies?"
The pub falls absolutely silent.
The lad next to him says: "Before yer tell us yer joke bonnie lad, there's a few things yer shud knaa:
1 - The landlord is a Geordie.
2 - The booncer is a Geordie.
3 - I'm a 6ft 6in taall, 220-poond Geordie with a black belt in kerartee.
4 - The lad sitting next to us is a Geordie, and is a pro weightlifta.
5 - The lad to your reet is a Geordie, and is a pro wrestla.
Noo, think aboot it seriously, marra. Do you still wanna tell yer Geordie joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares:
"Nah...not if Ah'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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oooooh! You!

by gadgetgirl In reply to Friday Yuk

Ok, my go....

A Geordie is drinking in a London bar when he gets a call on his mobile
phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, he orders a round of
drinks for everyone in the bar, because, he announces his wife has just
produced a typical Geordie baby boy weighing 25 pounds

Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the
Geordie just shrugs, "That's about average in the Northeast. Like I
said, my boy is a typical Geordie baby boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations of
"Jeezaz" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later the Geordie returns to the bar. The bartender says
"You're the father of that typical Geordie baby that weighed 25 pounds
at birth. Everybody's been having bets about how big he'd be in 2 weeks.
We were going to call you. So, how much does he weigh?"

The proud father answers, "17 pounds"

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed 25
pounds the day he was born."

The Geordie father takes a long s-l-o-w swig from his beer, wipes his
lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly

"Had him circumcised"

- - - - - - - - -
Geordies brother Jonty passed away. Geordie bought a little wooden cross to put on Jonty's grave. When he went to put some flowers on the grave. He noticed that the wind had blown the cross over to the right, so he straightened it up. put a wooden chock in. The next day he went down he saw that the cross had been blown over to the left. He thought to himself, What am I ganna de noo! When he saw a coil of wire lying on the ground. The Redifussion lads had been working there. So he got a wonderful idea. He fastened one end of the wire on the cross, and the other to a nearby tree. That night he went to the Club for a pint. His mate Tucker says, "Geordie, I see your Jonty's dee'in weel since he snuffed it". "How de'ya make that oot", says Geordie. "Why" says Tucker, "I passed his grave this mornin, I see he's got the cable telly in noo!".

Geordie and Tucker were discussing films. Tucker says "Ye shud gaan te the Roxy the neet, ther's a grand pictor on - Moby ****". "I divvent think aall bother", says Geordie, "Aah care nowt for them sex pictors". "Divvint be daft!" says Tucker, "It's nowt te de wuth sex. it's aall aboot whales". "Aah divvent like Welsh pictors either" says Geordie.

(Last one speshully fa Neil - there ya go, babz!)


(Spool cheeker on word didn?t, it fritzed out on Geordie!)

Have a wonderful weekend, all!



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Now all we need is an English translation. :^0

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to oooooh! You ...
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well to be honnest, nope we don't

by rob mekel In reply to Now all we need is an Eng ...

An young blurk entered the ice cream palace an' asked,
"what kinds iv ice cream d'ya hev?"
"vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the lass wheezed as she spoke, patted hor chest an' seemed unyeble tuh continue.
"do yee hev laryngitis?" the young blurk asked sympathetically.
"nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate an' strawberry."


A cheil entered th' ice cream palace an' speart,
"what kinds ay ice cream dae ye hae?"
"vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," th' quinie wheezed as she spoke, patted 'er chest an' seemed unable tae continue.
"do ye hae laryngitis?" th' cheil speart sympathetically.
"nope," she whispered, "joost vanilla, chocolate an' strawberry."

Aaaaa, allmost forgot to put in the English version:

A young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?"

"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

"Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically.

"Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."

or Dutch

Een jonge man ging het Roomijs Palace in en vroeg,
"Welke soorten roomijs heeft u?"

"vanille, chocolade, aardbei," sprak het meisje hees terwijl zij zich verslikte, op haar borst klopte, bijna niet instaat om verder te gaan.

"Hebt u laryngitis?" vroeg de jonge man sympathiek.

"Neee," fluisterde zij hees,
"enkel vanille, chocolade en aardbei."


edited for the English and Dutch version

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Good stuff!

by neilb@uk In reply to well to be honnest, nope ...
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Well I guess that the YOKE is on me.

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to well to be honnest, nope ...

But I was asking for a translation for Gordie to Common English not Dutch.

You know the English that those outside of the UK and European Union might understand. :^0

Col ]:)

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Nah, Hal 9000 isn't on you

by rob mekel In reply to Well I guess that the YOK ...

Just slang in general :^0

but this helps


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Wow GG

by rob mekel In reply to oooooh! You ...

Poor you

that is ... if all Geordiean men are that shape


Have a nice weekend all.

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by ProtiusX In reply to oooooh! You ...

This is great! I laughed until it hurt. Then I had to look up what a "Geordie" and "Mackam" were. ) Its tough being a "Bloody Yank"!

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Well, if you will get born in the "wrong place"....

by gadgetgirl In reply to Fantastic!

If you go back through my posts with Neil, you'll get all the history you ever wanted to know about Geordies, Mackams, Monkey hangers etc......

Ga'an canny, marra!


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Well what can I say? :0

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Fantastic!

Even here you can see that the Poms have evolved into several different Sub Species all with their own recognised names. :^0

At the moment Scientists claim that the evolution is accelerating with even more Sub Species rising to the surface like North/South/East/West Georgie and so on all across the country. :)

They are currently devoting millions of pounds in examining this massive evolutionary change to see and hypothesise what the Poms will eventually evolve into. The scientist are currently claiming that this is fuelled by Political Change and when a while ago Magi Thatcher was the PM there was little to no change and very low birth rate as the women in the UK would wear masks of Magi to bed which immediately put off any male so there where no new Headache cures developed. This got so bad that and entire generation of Pommie Males rushed off the a small island in the middle of nowhere to kill themselves rather than be exposed to any more sights of Magi. There are still males in Heavy Therapy from that time and most who where alive back them can still be driven into states of Deep Mental Illness by just the mention of her name any pictures which have been ordered destroyed completely only make it far worse. :)

That was the only form of Birth Control that has proved 100% effective.

But currently Scientists are worried that as it is looking as if Tony Blair is loosing popularity the trend to evolve will diminish after the next General Election as any new leader will slow the rate of change down by being such a lonely SOD who no one can be bothered with.

Col ]:)

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