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Friday Yuk

By stargazerr ·
Universal Truths

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough

When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.

When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets ...

Happy Friday Everyone. My parents are arriving today and I have taken monday and tuesday off from the office. Its going to be a lovely Loooooong weekend for me.


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:) the truth

by rob mekel In reply to Friday Yuk

Oh my, they're great.

Love you twist in:
"When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot."
Never call yourself an idiot!! isn't it. :^0

Do have a nice long weekend, enjoy the stay of your parents. :)


edited for emoticon typo

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More truth

by rob mekel In reply to Friday Yuk

As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards legislation that requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century physics.

We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offered for sale in the United States of America. Our suggested list of warnings appears below.

WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.

CAUTION: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.

ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to Certain Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.

THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.

PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.

NOTE: The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a "Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.

ATTENTION: Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.

NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are "Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They Cannot Be Detected.

PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.

COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.

HEALTH WARNING: Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.


Have a nice weekend all (still is 25 C overhere)
I can do with a nice cold beer. :)
(and a "Sweating emoticon")

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DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!

by Jaqui In reply to More truth

you did it, you clicked your mouse and have hastened the heat death of the universe.

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by rob mekel In reply to DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!

What's done is done, can't take a reverse on that, can it. :)


Does the trick all the time, doesn't it Jaqui :)

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Sure you can.

by apotheon In reply to Well

Become antimatter. There's a theory that antimatter might just be matter travelling backward in time.

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100% Natural

by apotheon In reply to More truth

This product is composed entirely of particles that exist in nature. No artificial partles were used in the creation of this product.*

* These claims have not been investigated and confirmed by the FDA. These claims are meant to be understood only within the framework of this universe's physical laws, and should not be construed to imply anything about the character or origin of the universe itself, or the presence or absence of a higher power that may have created the universe in one week.

(note: There were no typos in this comment when created. Any perceived typos are in fact the result of the spontaneou generation or vanishment of quanta. Furthermore, any indications that this post has been edited are entirely the result of quantum phenomena. Don't believe them.)

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Sorry stargazer...

by daveo2000 In reply to More truth

This one had me almost rolling on the floor.

My wife couldn't figure out what I thought was so funny until she looked over my shoulder. When she saw, she decided I was insane.

(Yes, jdclyde, I am remarried)

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Joe and Wanda had a small apartment...

by DMambo In reply to Friday Yuk

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

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:^0 Sjees

by rob mekel In reply to Joe and Wanda had a small ...

Wonder how small the apartments are of those parents who's children are playing on a playground.

And ...

What those parents are doing ... :0 :^0


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Oh, and SStargazer...

by DMambo In reply to Joe and Wanda had a small ...

Enjoy your parents' visit. Has it been a long time since you've seen them? (I miss mine terribly)

I hope they don't send you out to the balcony to keep you distracted.

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