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Friday Yuk

By mjwx ·
Hi everyone,

Shame I couln't put this straght into my post but.

I dont have the Internet on at home at the moment (I have dialup but no modem) as I got my ADSL cut off becuase I am moving soon. So I will not be back until monday (sunday for all of you on the other side of the world).

Have a good weekend.

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Rules of the Air

by stargazerr In reply to Friday Yuk

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot starts sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No-one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

12a. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.

25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old bold pilots.

Happy Weekend People

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My Favorite is

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Rules of the Air

Speed never hurt anyone but the sudden stop really SUCKS! :^0

It applies to this lot as well and really applies to Number 11. B-)

Col ]:)

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Now here is a REALLY hazardous combination --

by jardinier In reply to My Favorite is

Colin + Ducati + unidentified motorist. :_|

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OK Jules I know that you are old enough to remember this as well

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Now here is a REALLY haza ...

But it's something that I've never managed to quite fathom out the meaning behind. In the 60's there was an anti drug Slogan Speed Kills and now the current Commonwealth Road safety Authorities have resurrected the same message into a Road Safety campaign. :)

I've never quite worked out just what they mean if you are supposed to not take speed and drive or to slow down.

But as the Ducati doesn't obey speed limits I don't really care after all at minimum RPM's in first I'm doing 72 KPH and even at the now 110 KPH open Road Speed Limit I'm not out of second gear and the fuel consumption really sucks so I drop it into fifth gear and cruse along at a rate of knots that is way above the posted speed limits and I don't keep the revs down.

It's a bit rough on tires but at least I get a decent fuel consumption although last year I did manage to wear out a front tire in under 3,000 KMS.

At the speed that the Ducati takes me at I don't have to worry about car drivers in Volvo's trying to sneak up behind me and run me down as I've yet to find a Volvo that can keep up with the Ducati.

Col ]:)

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I have only taken in up to 140 kph

by jardinier In reply to OK Jules I know that you ...

but it would probably reach 180 kph.

However I will take on anyone and anything from a standing start on a level road.

Some time back my mechanic's assistant, Leigh, happened to draw alongside me at a set of lights. After the lights changed, it took him several hundred metres to catch up and overtake me.

What was he driving? A small vehicle with 3.5 litre V 6 engine developing twice the horsepower of my Volvo.

He was awed: "Julian beat me off at the lights !!" he exclaimed in amazement to his boss.

Needless to say there have been no further adverse comments on the performance of my vehicle. :^0

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That's hardly moving Jules

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to I have only taken in up t ...

When I was younger if our cars wouldn't pull 100 MPH or 160 KPH we would pull them apart to find out what was wrong with them. :^0

Even the 1959 250 Ducati that I used to own would pull 140 MPH on the main straight at Lakeside International Raceway the 900's slightly faster but it's speedo runs out at only 280 MPH "yes I know I don't have the original on it as the KPH one makes you think that you are going faster than you actually are." :)

Even the Auto EA Falcon in the Power setting with your foot flat to the floor will only change into top between 215 and 225 KPH. I could get out and walk faster.

Anything under 285 KPH isn't worth talking about when it comes to performance vehicles. Incidentally when I lived up North we used to race the trade ins and the young ones would race to grab the big V8's and I would settle for the stock 1600 cc Beetle and I always beet them on the short distance that they ran. It got so bad that they stopped inviting me to play as I was unbeatable. So I used a Marked Police Car to scare them one day when they weren't nice enough to invite me. The lights and Siren got them all scared way too much but I nearly crashed the car from laughing as one of the apprentices was standing outside the car in The Position to be searched and arrested by the Police that he thought where coming.

Col ]:)

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Col you know it is my duty

by jardinier In reply to I have only taken in up t ...

as a Volvo driver to live DOWN to the myth and not drive faster than 40 kph in the city and suburbs, or faster than 70 kph on freeways.

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Top speeds

by jardinier In reply to I have only taken in up t ...

When I was young and you were actually permitted to drive where you wanted to in the city and suburbs, without all these new-fangled silly restrictions, there was a section of Mona Vale Road which we called: "The mad mile."

It was not actually a full mile in length but it was dead staight and flat and because of the gentle curve leading up to it, you could be doing 60 MPH at the start of the straight.

We used to go there at night and test the top speeds of our various cars.

I can't remember all of them but my first car -- a 1938 Ford V8 -- reached 86 mph.

My 1935 Studebaker reached an awesome 70 mph, and my mother's side-valve Morris Minor managed 58 mph flat out.

My Cortina 1500 could reach 86 mph and my mother's FE Holden reached 70 something.

I never got a chance to test my father's Mark 5 Jag because the only times I was allowed to drive it was to give it a free lube at the service station where my friend worked on weekends.

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Jules I know that you'll take this the right way

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Top speeds

But if I owned a Mark 5 Jag I wouldn't let you drive it either. :^0

Actually for that matter I wouldn't let anyone drive it at all other than me so if I broke or bent it I could only blame myself.

The last time that I registered the Ducati I refused to allow the tester to Road Test it, he insisted that he had to test the brakes so I told him that I would ride it with him ridding pillion and when he wanted a hard stop just to notify me and I would do it. Well I didn't bother with the rear brakes at all I just grabbed a handful of Front Brakes and lifted the rear wheel about 12 inches off the ground. When we returned he was impressed at just how well it stopped and was glad that he wasn't the one riding it at the time. My response was I only had him there for Ballast so I could keep the rear wheel down.

Col ]:)

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Those are funny

by Old Guy In reply to Rules of the Air

Wow! I just now realized it was Friday and Friday Yuk was posted. It's noon here. Man, they got me working too hard. I'm too old for this. :)

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