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Friday Yuk

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by mjwx

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Hi everyone,

Shame I couln't put this straght into my post but.

http://members.westnet.com.au/mjwx/

I dont have the Internet on at home at the moment (I have dialup but no modem) as I got my ADSL cut off becuase I am moving soon. So I will not be back until monday (sunday for all of you on the other side of the world).

Have a good weekend.

26 replies

by stargazerr

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot starts sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No-one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

12a. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.

25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old bold pilots.

[b]Happy Weekend People[/b]
]:)

by hal 9000

Speed never hurt anyone but the sudden stop really [b]SUCKS![/b] :^0

It applies to this lot as well and really applies to Number 11. B-)

Col ]:)

by old guy

Wow! I just now realized it was Friday and Friday Yuk was posted. It's noon here. Man, they got me working too hard. I'm too old for this. :)

by mickster269

Airline Pilot Jokes
The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world. Remember that the conversations are heard by all pilots on that frequency in that area.

(Once again, this was submitted to me, so I can't actually verify if this is true or just modern urban myth. Enjoy in any case. - Vikar)

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

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"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."

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A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

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A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

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There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a little peaked."

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

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Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant.

"It took us a while to find a new pilot."

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A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

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One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

he Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.

So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The PA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

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While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta!
Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"

Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771.

Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

by stargazerr

"Squawks" are problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P) = Problem (S) = Solution

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
(S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

(P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.

(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problems on ground.

(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
(S) That's what they're there for.

(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right," and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

Here's a "squawk" someone told me about, I can't vouch for its authenticity though: Anon

P: Unfamiliar noise from engine.

S: Ran engine continuously for 4 hours - noise now familiar.

]:)

by hal 9000

Thinking Woman

A man returned to camp after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. So his wife decided to take his boat out on the water to read in the quiet of the great outdoors. She motored out a short distance, anchored, and started reading her book. Just as she became engrossed in the book (and the serenity of her surroundings), a game warden approached in a motorboat. He pulled alongside the woman's boat and politely asked: "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book ," she replied with some frustration with the disturbance. "You're in a restricted fishing area." The woman politely replied: "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing,
I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment and could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up" "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," said the woman. "But I haven't touched you." he replied. "That's true, but you have all the equipment and could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am." he said as he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she thinks as well.

Who can argue with this? :x

Col ]:)

by stargazerr

[b]WHO DOES WHAT[/b]

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS "

]:)

by hal 9000

Wouldn't work here as I [b]Hate Coffee[/b] and it would most likely kill anyone who drank what I made. :^0

But I love that one I'll have to point it out to several of my so called [b]Friends[/b] who end up costing me thousands it should get them going. :D

Col ]:)

by mickster269

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know.

This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out", and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting.

As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all.

"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out?

Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER?"

by bubba69

Know the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo?

At a straight rodeo the crowd yells "Ride that Sucker!"

by maecuff

But JD did express a desire to start earwigs up again.

I think I have the worst 3. And they've all been in my head within the past week.

I'm the happiest girl in the whole USA - Donna Fargo

Ode to Billie Joe - Bobbie Gentry

Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me - Mac Davis

If these songs don't drive you crazy..well, then maybe you should come an work for me.

by maecuff

I'm the best boss. I'm nice and I'm reasonable. I never require ego stroking. I always give my department credit when we use our powers for good. I've never once punched ANY of my employees in the face, although, I DID intentionally trip one once.

If you ever change your mind..

by hal 9000

But it's something that I've never managed to quite fathom out the meaning behind. In the 60's there was an anti drug Slogan [b]Speed Kills[/b] and now the current Commonwealth Road safety Authorities have resurrected the same message into a Road Safety campaign. :)

I've never quite worked out just what they mean if you are supposed to not take speed and drive or to slow down. :x

But as the Ducati doesn't obey speed limits I don't really care after all at minimum RPM's in first I'm doing 72 KPH and even at the now 110 KPH open Road Speed Limit I'm not out of second gear and the fuel consumption really sucks so I drop it into fifth gear and cruse along at a rate of knots that is way above the posted speed limits and I don't keep the revs down. :D

It's a bit rough on tires but at least I get a decent fuel consumption although last year I did manage to wear out a front tire in under 3,000 KMS. :(

At the speed that the Ducati takes me at I don't have to worry about car drivers in Volvo's trying to sneak up behind me and run me down as I've yet to find a Volvo that can keep up with the Ducati. :p

Col ]:)

by jardinier

but it would probably reach 180 kph.

However I will take on anyone and anything from a standing start on a level road.

Some time back my mechanic's assistant, Leigh, happened to draw alongside me at a set of lights. After the lights changed, it took him several hundred metres to catch up and overtake me.

What was he driving? A small vehicle with 3.5 litre V 6 engine developing twice the horsepower of my Volvo.

He was awed: "Julian beat me off at the lights !!" he exclaimed in amazement to his boss.

Needless to say there have been no further adverse comments on the performance of my vehicle. :^0

by hal 9000

When I was younger if our cars wouldn't pull 100 MPH or 160 KPH we would pull them apart to find out what was wrong with them. :^0

Even the 1959 250 Ducati that I used to own would pull 140 MPH on the main straight at Lakeside International Raceway the 900's slightly faster but it's speedo runs out at only 280 MPH "yes I know I don't have the original on it as the KPH one makes you think that you are going faster than you actually are." :)

Even the Auto EA Falcon in the Power setting with your foot flat to the floor will only change into top between 215 and 225 KPH. I could get out and walk faster. :p

Anything under 285 KPH isn't worth talking about when it comes to performance vehicles. Incidentally when I lived up North we used to race the trade ins and the young ones would race to grab the big V8's and I would settle for the stock 1600 cc Beetle and I always beet them on the short distance that they ran. It got so bad that they stopped inviting me to play as I was unbeatable. So I used a Marked Police Car to scare them one day when they weren't nice enough to invite me. The lights and Siren got them all scared way too much but I nearly crashed the car from laughing as one of the apprentices was standing outside the car in [b]The Position[/b] to be searched and arrested by the Police that he thought where coming. :D

Col ]:)

by jardinier

as a Volvo driver to live DOWN to the myth and not drive faster than 40 kph in the city and suburbs, or faster than 70 kph on freeways.

by jardinier

When I was young and you were actually permitted to drive where you wanted to in the city and suburbs, without all these new-fangled silly restrictions, there was a section of Mona Vale Road which we called: "The mad mile."

It was not actually a full mile in length but it was dead staight and flat and because of the gentle curve leading up to it, you could be doing 60 MPH at the start of the straight.

We used to go there at night and test the top speeds of our various cars.

I can't remember all of them but my first car -- a 1938 Ford V8 -- reached 86 mph.

My 1935 Studebaker reached an awesome 70 mph, and my mother's side-valve Morris Minor managed 58 mph flat out.

My Cortina 1500 could reach 86 mph and my mother's FE Holden reached 70 something.

I never got a chance to test my father's Mark 5 Jag because the only times I was allowed to drive it was to give it a free lube at the service station where my friend worked on weekends.

by hal 9000

I tend to ignore Company policy and do the right thing so I drive the [b]Upper Management Nuts.[/b] But I have run departments previously and all my staff called me nasty names and insisted that I worked them all way to hard. Then threw a party when I quit in a show of them all being freed from my Bondage. :D

But to make things even worse every one of the [b]Mongrels[/b] kept following me around from place to place when I moved jobs and insisted that the liked me but still kept complaining all the time. Now that I'm a free agent they are still working for me and I'm now working harder than I ever did when I worked [b]Big Business.[/b] :(

I really only wanted to work a few hours per week and then have time to play with my toys which I buy but insist on giving to [b]She Who Must Be Obeyed[/b] as she can't complain when I buy her presents can she? What's even better she can't complain when I spend lots of money on her cars as I'm doing it for her. :D

I tried the same trick with Ducati's but it failed miserably and whats worse is she keeps calling me an [b]Indian Giver[/b] for taking the bike off her and racing it. Even though she couldn't actually ride it she still insists that I stole it from her, I'm just thankful that she likes Classic Mercedes or I'd be in real trouble and unable to buy the cars that I want to have here. I should be getting her Coupe back soon after a rebirth with all new paint work and nice new interior I'm just glad that she didn't see her car when I was last there without doors and lots of it cut off due to rust. She'll love it when it returns but I'm just glad that she hasn't seen whats been done to it to get it back to better than Original. :D

If I moved over there I would have to have all the Merces changed to Left Hand Drive and it wouldn't work out. You'd also constantly have me in Purgatory for not doing as I'm told but I very much doubt that I would enjoy the punishment as much as I did here as they sent me to places that I really wanted to go and where no others where happy working. :D

I mess with Mainframe Boards and repair them and I get punished go figure but they sent me to a small department that supplied Racing Engine Management Systems and I was back in the motor racing again and fought tooth and nail to stay there with all the travel and weekend work. It's terrible work but someone has to do it. :^0

Besides I would guarantee that within 2 weeks you'd be chasing me around with a running chainsaw to teach me a lesson, it would ruin your image. :p

Col ]:)

by maecuff

I live in a tiny little redneck town..most of my employees are humorless, unimaginative gits. And they all look at me as though they're waiting for me to turn into my true self. They think I'm odd. They really don't get my sense of humor. On the other hand..it's very easy to make fun of them without them knowing it.

I'm not much on towing the line either, however, I am enough of a wh*re to keep myself in line enough to continue collecting my paycheck.

by hal 9000

One time when I was running a training course I walked into the room dragging a 12 foot stock whip and a pair of handcuffs and when I had finally dragged all of the stock whip in I then turned to the people I was supposed to be teaching as said words to the effect [b]If any one of you BARSTEWARDS F##KUP one of my machines I'm going to handcuff you to that hook in the wall and whip the SH1T out of you and then whip you some more for making a mess on the floor![/b] The guy fresh to AU from the company nearly fell off the chair he was sitting on and then at the first break walked around to everyone present trying to get just one to make a complaint about my actions. After he spoke to each one who all declined they came in and told me to [b]Watch My Back as he was out to get me.[/b] :^0

When we returned from the break I then said again with the whip and handcuffs that you mongrels all say you are my friends so why wont one of you make the BLOODY Complaint so I can get the Hell out of here and have some peace and quite. The new boy did fall off his chair then and beat a hasty retreat from the room, I didn't see him for the rest of that course and no one would confirm his account of the happenings at the training course. What made it even worse was one of the first timers there actually rang the CEO and complemented him on the way I ran the course and insisted that he had learned more in 2 days than what he had picked up in the last 10 years. What made it even worse was that he went around to all the competition and kept telling everyone just how great I was and that if they got a chance to grab me with both hands and not let go. It was embarrassing when all the people that I knew from the other companies told me about what was being said about me. :(

I'm the original Square Peg in a Round Hole and I know it. After all how many service departments can have a quantile on their stock sheets of -65 on one rare and unobtainable part? This was the number of reco Circuit Boards from the 9300 IBM Mainframe that I had "in stock" when everyone else was screaming their heads off for stock and the company here was projecting a 6 month waiting list for replacements. And the accountant who realized what it was that I had been doing wasn't even happy and insisted that I be sent off for punishment for fixing the things and charging them out at the Full Reco Rates. I think that what made things even worse was that the boards that I repaired didn't break again either. :)

Col ]:)

by hal 9000

But if I owned a Mark 5 Jag I wouldn't let you drive it either. :^0

Actually for that matter I wouldn't let anyone drive it at all other than me so if I broke or bent it I could only blame myself. ;)

The last time that I registered the Ducati I refused to allow the tester to Road Test it, he insisted that he had to test the brakes so I told him that I would ride it with him ridding pillion and when he wanted a hard stop just to notify me and I would do it. Well I didn't bother with the rear brakes at all I just grabbed a handful of Front Brakes and lifted the rear wheel about 12 inches off the ground. When we returned he was impressed at just how well it stopped and was glad that he wasn't the one riding it at the time. My response was I only had him there for Ballast so I could keep the rear wheel down. :p

Col ]:)

by jaqui

DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbra Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALISM
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

This discussion is closed to new replies.