Friday Yuk

Or did that not make sense ??

]:)

by nz_justice Jan 27, 2006

I think faster than I type and I proof slower that I read. Just Ignore the and a Peace offering thing. I have re-posted the Peace offering thing in the body, I also know that this makes no more sense but them's the breaks. It's a yuk

as Neil said, it is just her.

Some people just don't "get it".

It pays to drink!

I even did a college report on "The benifits of drinking" last summer for my "public speaking" class.

Went over the health benifits (actually MORE in beer than wine!) and then went off on the social benifits, including helping white guys dance.

I got an "A" on that report! :D

Everyone else had their jaws on their desks, not believing I could do such a topic with a straight face and for my project. (They were all doing it on cancer patients and such). I reminded them that it was a presentation class, not a science class and I can have fun with it if I want!

A good yuk "chicken spawn". :D

by sleepin'dawg Jan 27, 2006

if you really intend to be serious, I would advise changing your account. That way people will forget the past history and will respond with more respect. Anyway that's my advice and as Cliff would say, you don't want to be ranked in with the slow ones. Ciao

[b]Dawg[/b] ]:)

Trust me, it's just you.

Neil :D

Not Fair ... I just read through it again ... Still didnt make any more sense than the last time ...

Not Fair .. You guys start talking about 70s Radio programs ..... I cannot be a part of the discussion ... I let that go without comment so you start a discussion about alcohol?? X-( ..................... :D

]:)

Think of it as "Better living through Chemistry!" :D

I hope it never makes sense to you. Unfortunately, I understood all of it because of my former self. I had to quit playing with fire--it was getting too hot...:)

You where just juggling it slower so it felt hotter to you. :D

Col ]:)

Except when we're drunk, that is.

Neil :p

Add something to the yuk that [b]we[/b] won't understand, then.

Oh. You have! http://tinyurl.com/8m2nk

That was an inside joke me and Mark have Neil .... :D .... Love inside jokes ... Well as long as we have a yuk up .... Here we go ....

Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

- "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:
- "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says:
- "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

]:)

I liked that one! Mine contribution is pale by comparison, but here it is..

A string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender replies "I'm sorry, We don't serve strings"

The string, angry, runs to the bathroom and ties himself up
into knots until his ends are frayed.

Then he walks back out and asks the bartender for a drink.

"Hey, aren't you the string I just talked to?" The bartender
asks.

"Nope," Says the string, "I'm afraid not."

the Impure Brigade is starting up. I guess I better go hide before the sky turns red over Tennessee. :)

It made perfect sense to me. When I read it I laughed so hard I had apples shooting out of my nose. :^O

stargazer, as long as neil is around you're never going to live that post down. Do you have any torpedoes left? :^O :^O

by gadgetgirl Jan 27, 2006

and you're welcome!

This could rapidly become my favourite site of all time!

Found these for the Yuk?..enjoy! Loads more of allsorts on the site, enjoy at your (p)leisure!

http://tinyurl.com/ct5vc

http://tinyurl.com/8guy7

http://tinyurl.com/875yg

and, just because it?s me, especially for Dawg, jd, Mambo and the rest of the Impure crew....

??????..no, not choccy body paint ???????.

??????????????.squirty cream ???.http://tinyurl.com/76mf9

Have a wonderful weekend, when it gets here!

]:)

by dmambo Jan 27, 2006

I'm still a member of the Purity Posse. I don't need to see these impure posts.

(Thanks for the link) (Shhhhhh)

And that's "Posse" for those of you with impure thoughts!

you do a plural of THAT word? :O

Well, what you and 10 consulting adults do in the privacy of your own home is great for a web cam! ]:)

"My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth."
"Really? What did he get?"
"Fifteen years."

--------

Linda meets up with Jill as she is picking her car up from the mechanic.
Linda asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"
Jill replies, "Yes, thank goodness. I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid."

--------

A young boy of four was going into the hospital to have his tonsils removed. He told his playmate that he'd be gone for a while to have surgery.
On the day he was admitted, his mother asked the doctor privately if he could also please circumcise her boy while he is asleep.
The doctor agreed. The boy woke up and was very sore down there for several days.
After about a week he got to see his playmate again. The playmate informed him that he was also going to have to have his tonsils out soon. He asked him to tell him about the surgery.
The little boy replied 'all I can tell you is your tonsils ain't where you think they are.'

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his earto the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

-------------------

Not too good - but topical. I'll find something better, later. :D

by gadgetgirl Jan 27, 2006

it must be! You posted that about 15 seconds before my squirty cream post.....

]:)

Gotcha!! Oooooh! Look! OG is getting a bit pink.....are you taking over where Mambo left off??

by jaqui Jan 27, 2006

alcohol is a poison that we who are smart, don't consume. ]:)

stay sober and take the funny pictures ...

and post them on the internet the next day ..... :D

]:)

by jaqui Jan 27, 2006

They also have the best stories, and video the prove it the next day at the office. ]:)

what people who drink say about crack heads..

crack heads say about people that drink?

by tony hopkinson Jan 27, 2006

You know you are drunk when you have to hang on to the floor so you don't fall off.

Quick jokes, that is... get your mind out of the gutter...

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

--------------------------------------------------

A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied, "Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"

-----------------------------------

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all,"
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

-------------------------------------------------

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

-------------------------------------------------

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.

--------------------------------------------------

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies,
"Just a minute..."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

--------------------------------------------------

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied
"A golf gun?" What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure did make a hole in Juan."

--------------------------------------------------

The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water. And then you dump the stock.

--------------------------------------------

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets
the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."

--------------------------------------------------

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."

-------------------------------------------------

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used insurgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"

---------------------------------------------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I
had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."

-------------------------------------------------

Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn
by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say "a$$hole" afterwards."

It was just before your post because as soon as I got back I opened yours and the squirt was "interesting". I don't think I want to know all about that. No, no, I insist, I really don't want to know about it. Uhoh.

I have been this way for about 20 years. And, yes, it's pretty easy to embarrass me. But, you really don't have to try. :^O

by gadgetgirl Jan 27, 2006

can't I have just a LITTLE try at embarrassing you? Hmmm? Go on, you know you want to.....come on, hun, just let me try a liiiiitttttllle bit of choccy body paint, I promise I won't tickle....go on, let me....I promise when licking it off I won't put my tongue anywhere I shouldn't......

unless you want me to, that is........

]:)

Now, listen, you REALLY REALLY REALLY did ask for this post, believe me!!

:8}
:8}
:8}
I'm not sure I can continue to work now. Oh, my!

http://www.red-gate.com/excusegenerator/

The color red is showing through over the UK skies ... :D

]:)

by mirrormirror Jan 27, 2006

I thought this was pretty funny. Very Dilbertesq(sp?).

One time I used the Dilbert web site to make up my "goals" on my performance review. The fun part was that my management thought that the goals were actually good. I had a great year that year. I met all my goals. HEHEHEHE!!!

by tryten Jan 27, 2006

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT:
THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Saturday, January 28 2006
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday-10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at

7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours

beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

by tryten Jan 27, 2006

Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First

8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking (hahahahahahaha)

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

20. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You've Worn Before

Tonight I am going to try a pint of beer and read chicken spawn's post again .... Sunlight will shine through the dark clouds, I am sure ... :D

]:)

"I'm a frayed knot"

play on words is the whole point!

(sigh)

Comedy police, your going to have to come with me down town ma'am....... :O

I will post my reply in a bit. Got to go the the bathroom for about 10 mintes. BRB! :O

[i]

yes, I wash my hands.......;

It was the best I could do..I've had a trying week..

I went to the eye doctor yesterday for the first time in 8 years, thinking I needed reading glasses. She gave me a prescription for bifocals. Bifocals?? I argued with her, there isn't anyway I need bifocals, I've never worn glasses. She finally conceded that my near sightedness is slight and agreed to reading glasses, so my vanity is still intact. Barely.
When I got back to work, I was carrying a case of water through the door, misjudged, and smashed my forefinger (It's still twice it's normal size). This morning, I dropped an entire cup of coffee in my lap. I have on tan pants. I have coffee stains from my crotch to my ankles (even my socks got soaked). Do I have a steering committee today with all the VP's?? Of course I do. At least my underwear have dried. That's always pleasant..working with warm, damp, coffee soaked underwear..

Have I gotten any sympathy? No. I AM the Friday Yuk in my department today. :)

well, at least it HAS to get better, right?

Had a sales rep bring his laptop in for an update yesterday, and I asked him how he was doing. His reply was "couldn't possibly be better!", as chipper as can be. My reply, "wow, that has to be depressing". :D

Oh, the wet panties is always a nice touch! :O oh my.....

don't bogart the pipe!

maybe just call us a bunch of p*ssies and then ask to borrow money..

DEFINITION OF UGLY

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.

The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?

The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!

by tryten Jan 27, 2006

Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's famous sketch "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I
look in the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes..

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my
office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!
OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the
blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon.
What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do
I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular
Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many
other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all
the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER . .
ABBOTT: Hello, Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".......

OVER HERE!

NO! HERE!

Poor old chap's losing it...

by oz_media Jan 27, 2006

I lost it a LOOOONG time ago, mate! :p

I wouldn't be boasting about it then. :p

Col ]:)

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.

Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila.

Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all night rounds of strip poker, truth or dare and naked twister.

Tequila...Leave Shyness Behind!!!

by cortech Jan 27, 2006

You Know You Drink Too Much When...

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.

You have a "happy hour" at home

When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?

You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land

Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car

"I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender."

You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.

You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before

Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while

You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast

You frequently urinate outdoors.

When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.

You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.

You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.

You find it's easier to study drunk.

You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.

Beer ads make sense.

You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.

You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.

The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".

You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.

You mix your cocktails by the litre.

You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.

When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.

You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth

Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!

Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

"Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.

You can focus better with one eye closed

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar

You fall off the floor.

You discover in the morning that liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

The glass keeps missing your mouth.

Vampires get woozy after bitting you.

At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.

You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.

If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.

"Take me drunk, I'm home!"

You wake up naked lying in the corner of a bus depot.

You drink to get over a hangover.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much.

A mate of mine was having a small party only 200 odd guests but he required a little beer so he got a friend of his to ride down to the pub and he rode pillion and carried the beer.

At a set of traffic lights a police car stopped directly behind the motorcycle that they where on so the rider took off slowly and my friend being unprepared for the movement rolled off the back of the bike clutching the beer. The Police naturally stopped and asked if he was alright and after inspecting the case of beer he replied yes I didn't break a bottle! :D

Col ]:)

Many years ago when I was working my way through Uni I used to fix sewing machines for a big Swiss company here. Part of the job required on site work for the Fashion awards and the different theater groups.

Well on the day on the opening night of one production the head of the costume department went berserk and broke most of the sewing machines in the place and called in for an emergency visit to repair the machines. I was sent there and dully was working through all the broken machines with mostly naked people running all around in a general state of [b]Disorganized Chaos[/b] with a lot of work to do and not anywhere enough people. Anyway a very well know and high profile actress was having the finishing touches put on one of her costumes which involved her being naked but for the briefest pair of briefs and the Costume Manager needed a extra pair of hands and told me to walk over behind this actress and grab her by the nipples and lift them up. I was at the time covered in all the muck that I'd been digging out of the sewing machines I refused and told her to find someone else as I was busy. Anyway I thought nothing more about it and when I finished and had all the sewing machines working I was presented with Tickets for the [b]Opening Night Performance[/b] and told to be there with my tools just in case.

Well the show went perfectly and after the performance all the guests where gathered around waiting for the actors and actresses to come down for a gathering and a few drinks naturally I was dragged there with my wife as a honored guest. :(

Anyway the Acting staff proceeded to walk down a flight of stairs to the gathering when this particular actresses called out at the top of her voice there's the guy that I told you about earlier who wouldn't play with my T I T S today pointing directly at me. :(

Only time that I've ever been really embarrassed but one day when you twist my arm enough I'll tell you what I did to get even. :D

Col ]:)

to controlling me. I had to quit drinking. I didn't like where I was winding up. I agree with Stargazerr it's much more fun to watch the others make idiots of themselves. :)

Subject: A study

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

I know who you are. :D

Col ]:)

You got me.

And I would be the first to admit that I would be better off with a more sufficient amount of sexual activity.

Of course, I think that is true of most of us.

by hal 9000 Jan 29, 2006

My wife keeps telling me differently. :D

But then again I bent one of the cars that I bought for her so I'm still in the bad books. :(

Or maybe it could be the Dual Xeon M'Board & CPU's that a bought a couple of days after damaging her car that is making her a tad upset. She was all fine with it until she discovered that I only wanted it as a trial platform for a 64 Bit OS and Programs. Some women just don't understand what is important. :p

Col ]:)