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Friday Yuk

By stargazerr ·
ARE COMPUTERS MEN OR WOMEN??


A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House" in French, is feminine -"la maison," "Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheque on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine "le computer") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.

]:)

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Windows Plane

by stargazerr In reply to Friday Yuk

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."

]:)

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DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

by andrew.moore In reply to Windows Plane

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish = 49.
Adventurous = Slept with everyone.
Athletic = No breasts.
Average looking = Moo-oo.
Beautiful = Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure = On medication.
Feminist = Fat.
Free spirit = Junkie.
Friendship first = Former ****.
New-Age = Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned = No **** Jobs.
Open-minded = Desperate.
Professional = *****.
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing.
Voluptuous = Very Fat.
Large frame = Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate = Stalker.

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quick donation from me before the boozing starts......

by gadgetgirl In reply to Friday Yuk

I?ll be thinking of you all this afternoon (not!) ;\ whilst out for my Xmas ?Do? ? note, Neil, it?s not yet a Winter Event here! Aperitifs, lunch, drinks, more drinks, oh, I know?????.. I?m predictable!

To keep you amused as I will be well and truly away for the rest of the day, here?s a few to keep you going?.

You know you?ve had too much Christmas cheer when?..

1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.
2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.
3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.
5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
6. You strike a match and light your nose.
7. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
8. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
9. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
10. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
11. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
12. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
13. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
14. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
15. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
16. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
17. You're at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.
18. You take out your handkerchief and **** your ear.
19. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
20. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table

And a Q & A Session for you?..
Q. What does a female snail say during sex?
A. Faster, faster, faster!
Q. What is the noisiest thing in the world?
A. Two skeletons screwing on a tin roof.
Q. What's red and blue with a long string?
A. A smurfette with her period.
Q. What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A. A pubic hair.
Q. Define "Egghead:"
A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.
Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Q. What's the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay ?
A. They don't have time.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg ?
A. They don't stop for directions.

And lastly, for my Good Dawg?.

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the bar man gave her one. ;\ ]:)

Have a wonderful weekend, all, and please send sympathy for the low flying hangover I just know is going to land on me in the morning??

GG

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Me today

by stargazerr In reply to quick donation from me be ...

You tommorow ....

Here I am sitting (or rather, lying) in my chair at the office, sleep deprived and with a hangover I got from the christmas party last night (and thats even though I dont drink :^O !!! )

Have Fun

]:)

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Yeah rrrrriiiiiiiiiiight!!! Doesn't drink??? Pull the other one; ..........

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Me today

it's got bells on it. :^O

Dawg ]:)

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Okee then ... Here we go ..

by stargazerr In reply to Yeah rrrrriiiiiiiiiiight! ...

I dont smoke either

]:)

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Yea!

by Old Guy In reply to Okee then ... Here we go ...

That's good.

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I have another one ...

by stargazerr In reply to Yea!

but he doesnt have legs left :^O

]:)

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GG, haven't you learned how to avoid a hangover?

by M_a_r_k In reply to quick donation from me be ...

Stay drunk.

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short joke

by jck In reply to Friday Yuk

Nun walks into a Catholic clothing store, and says to the priest running it:

"Father, I have a bad habit I need to get rid of."

(I know...boo...best I could make up on my own :^O )

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