Just to prove that we have a sense of humour round here as there seems to have been quite a lot of wimpy posts lately.
No offence is meant to anyone. Any reference to people real or imaginary is purely conincidental – honest!
A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of Amcol on TR.
He logged on, spilled his guts then waited for Amcol’s insight and profound wisdom to make him feel better.
Within ten seconds, the reply post was on his screen: “I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers.”
Little Maxwell was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candy bar, a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.” Little Maxwell replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.” The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?” Little Maxwell answered, “No, he minded his own business”.
One for Absolutely:
A man was walking across a bridge one day and saw someone standing on a ledge, about to jump off. He ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it!”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“Well, there’s so much to live for.”
“Well, are you religious?”
“Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”
“Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
“Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”
“Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?”
“Reformed Baptist Church of God.”
“Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1915?”
“Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915.”
“Die, heretic scum!!”
And pushed him off the bridge.
Sorry but if any Americans get this – We are not worthy!
GadgetGirl is on visit to London and decides to have a drink in pub she is passing. Once at the bar she tells the barman that she would like a Newcastle Brown Ale. “Sorry” the barman replies “We only sell Whitbread Bitter” “Oh, I’ll have a half o’ that then” and she pulled up a stool to the bar.
As the barman hands her the beer she decides that he needs to go to the toilet, “I need a pee, watch me drink will ya and divnt let any wun tooch it, or i’ll break their neck. I hate people touchin’ me beer”
“Sure” said the barman.
She’d only been gone for about a minute when a big black woman who had been sat in the corner, comes over to the drink picks it up, farts in it, places it back down and goes back to her seat without a care in the world.
The barman stands there in disbelief. Just then in walks the Gadget and, just as she is about to pick up the beer glass she stops and frowns, “Sumwuns ad me drink!”
The barman stutters nervously “I cannot lie, that black woman over there just farted in it”
Gadget slammed the drink down and marched over the woman, “Scuse me luv, you fart’n me Whitbread?”
“No” she replied “I’m Tessa Sanderson”.
JDClyde, Neilb and jck go into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
JD pushed his beer away from him in disgust. Neilb fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
JCK picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, “SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!”
Have a nice weekend