Clearly, you need to get a life....
....BFilmFan, it wasn't THAT funny.
With all due offense to Neil (ever notice that when people say, "No Offense, but" they always intend to say something offensive?), I have the following comments;
1) Amcol's joke....
Not sure if that was an adaptation or a "new" joke. I'm sure you could find something harsher with some effort...
2) Maxwell's joke...
"own D@MN&
business" works so much better, even though its questionable whether Maxwell would use that language(the intent is clearly there)
3) Tessa Sanderson jokes....
It reminds me of those charming puppet shows that the CBC imported from Britain some years ago. We get the jokes about the Queen. We get most of the jokes about the Prime Minister (especially when it was Thatcher). The jokes about the obscure leader of the opposition wanna be, well.....
Of course deep down I'm just chuffed that you didn't make any jokes about pedantic boring old windbags from Canada....like Dawg.
James
erm, are you standing on Dawgs' tail?
oh, I think the Dawg is about to be let out again!
(hehe!)
GG
In that case, if I were you.....
I'd watch YOUR tail....
I imagine he has rather large ....paws....!
(and yes, I got it, but even I have to rattle the odd cage now and again...and you know what I'm like when the Fridayitis takes hold....)
GG
And I've done what? Do I deserve this?
Do we have the same dictionary? "Merkin" has a meaning that I'm not sure applies here...
C'mon, then! Make fun of me.
Go on. Take the p:ss out of the fat bloke in the Infrastructure Team. He's got no feelings - they don't have.
Anyway, fifteen more minites and I will be raising the digitus impudicus and off away home.
Have a good weekend!
Friday y(UK)
No offence is meant to anyone. Any reference to people real or imaginary is purely conincidental - honest!
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A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of Amcol on TR.
He logged on, spilled his guts then waited for Amcol's insight and profound wisdom to make him feel better.
Within ten seconds, the reply post was on his screen: "I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
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Little Maxwell was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candy bar, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little Maxwell replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little Maxwell answered, "No, he minded his own business".
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One for Absolutely:
A man was walking across a bridge one day and saw someone standing on a ledge, about to jump off. He ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?"
"Well, there's so much to live for."
"Like what?"
"Well, are you religious?"
"Yes"
"Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow, me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1789 or Reformed Baptist Church of God, 1**5?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1**5."
"Die, heretic scum!!"
And pushed him off the bridge.
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Sorry but if any Americans get this - We are not worthy!
GadgetGirl is on visit to London and decides to have a drink in pub she is passing. Once at the bar she tells the barman that she would like a Newcastle Brown Ale. "Sorry" the barman replies "We only sell Whitbread Bitter" "Oh, I'll have a half o' that then" and she pulled up a stool to the bar.
As the barman hands her the beer she decides that he needs to go to the toilet, "I need a pee, watch me drink will ya and divnt let any wun tooch it, or i'll break their neck. I hate people touchin' me beer"
"Sure" said the barman.
She'd only been gone for about a minute when a big black woman who had been sat in the corner, comes over to the drink picks it up, farts in it, places it back down and goes back to her seat without a care in the world.
The barman stands there in disbelief. Just then in walks the Gadget and, just as she is about to pick up the beer glass she stops and frowns, "Sumwuns ad me drink!"
The barman stutters nervously "I cannot lie, that black woman over there just farted in it"
Gadget slammed the drink down and marched over the woman, "Scuse me luv, you fart'n me Whitbread?"
"No" she replied "I'm Tessa Sanderson".
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JDClyde, Neilb and jck go into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
JD pushed his beer away from him in disgust. Neilb fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.
JCK picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU *******!!!"
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Have a nice weekend
Neil
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