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Friday Yuk

By mcdonjer ·
Since Nobody else started, here goes;
http://www.hallmark.com/wcsstore/HallmarkStore/images/products/ecards/nfg1969.swf

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16 years later

by antuck In reply to Friday Yuk

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in
because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy
daughters and
a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked
into the room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years
ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16
years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears.
"It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened.
You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."


I KNOW YOU SMILED

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Eve's side of the story

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Friday Yuk

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

?It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain," reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc..........she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced," as she put it.

"That is a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half ! of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden "Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let's see............where did I put the useless ****?

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?

Yes I know I used this one a few weeks ago but it was in a serious thread and no one bothered to respond so I'm posting it again here to see if anyone gets a laugh out of it.

Col ]:)

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I did miss that

by maecuff In reply to Eve's side of the story

Thanks for posting it again!

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Me too

by Oz_Media In reply to I did miss that

thx Colin.

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Well

by maecuff In reply to Me too

Hello there. It's been a while.

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no doubt

by Oz_Media In reply to Well

I am actually working for a living right now, if you can call it work and not just a bunch of fun with a company credit card schmoozing their western accounts.

It's pretty cool because I've opened a Western office for a very large company and am planning a series of trade shows over a 2 yr period (starting in Dec.)am learning a very cool and highly desired data capture system that has finally become afordable after 30 years (being deployed by WalMart in '06 for testing)and making some really good money.

BUT...I had to move (both good and bad on that one I think), closer to mum and friends (racetrack)but away from my little recluse corner of the world. Doing a whack of travelling again, was in Kentucky last week, will be in Montreal again next month, hired an old friend/promoter from Clear Channel to work with me, so the office (with the two of us rattling around in it) is a riot.

Just a 180 in life for now, probably make another one in a few years, I have an open offer stateside but I don't think I could ever work down there again so this is my life change for now. I already rewrote a no-competition agreement so I can open my own business in their marketplace in a few years and will work with them as a partner. They didn't realize that their own no competition agreement is not legally binding in BC under their nature of business, it would literally make you unemployable by almost anyone, so it can't be deemed binding because it would then become repressive too, and BC doesn't like that.

It's all fun and games, until someone loses an eye.

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yep

by maecuff In reply to no doubt

Then it's just plain funny..

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yup

by Jaqui In reply to Eve's side of the story

I missed it in the serious thread.
but definately worth the posting.

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Groan, uhhhhhh.

by sleepin'dawg In reply to Eve's side of the story

You some sort of a closet feminist now Col??? ?

Dawg ]:)

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Not really

by HAL 9000 Moderator In reply to Groan, uhhhhhh.

I'm just trying to get on the good side of the female Peers here before I drop a real clanger.

But don't let anyone in on the secret right!

Actually I'm getting a few of this type of joke from a Kiwi Female as she is sick and tired of me commenting on how the Kiwis treat their sheep I think that she's trying to get back at me.

How about this one then

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts
God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a
commode and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair -no matter how big they are.

Although I thought that the 8 thing was quite funny.

Col ]:)

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