Friday Yuk

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in
because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy
daughters and
a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked
into the room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years
ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16
years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears.
"It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened.
You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

I KNOW YOU SMILED

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

?It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain," reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc..........she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced," as she put it.

"That is a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half ! of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden "Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Now let's see............where did I put the useless boob?

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?

Yes I know I used this one a few weeks ago but it was in a serious thread and no one bothered to respond so I'm posting it again here to see if anyone gets a laugh out of it. :(

Col ]:)

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be eight again." she replied. On the morning of her birthday,
he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took
her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the
park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster,
every thing there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered
her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog,
popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favourite lolly and M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a
big smile and lovingly asked, "Well dear, what was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my
dress size, you flippen idiot"
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.

Since most of the female Peers here have been giving us Mere Males such a hard time recently I thought that this one was fitting. ;)

Apparently it's all the males fault even when we are given such cryptic messages like the one above we are meant to understand what she means. :p

Queensland University ran a PHD course in "Understanding Women" and they had to drop it as they didn't get one single person to manage to even come close to a F-. Apparently the women running the course kept changing their minds about what they where teaching actually meant so everyone failed even those 2 women who attempted the course. :^O

Col ]:)

Hello there. It's been a while.

the funny quiz links time again...

You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful
You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.
Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.
You don't care much about what others think.
But they better care what you think!

from the 3D luck and power test:
http://www.blogthings.com/thethreedimensionluckandpowertest/

Being born on the 13th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer, but it may also give you a tendency to dominate people a bit.
You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than you realize.
Sincere and honest, you are a serious, hard working individual.

Your feeling are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times.
You are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details.
Your intolerance and insistence on complete accuracy can be irritating to some.

from that your birthdate says about you:
http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

Your Geek Profile:
Academic Geekiness: High
Fashion Geekiness: High
Internet Geekiness: High
General Geekiness: Moderate
Geekiness in Love: Low
SciFi Geekiness: Low
Gamer Geekiness: None
Movie Geekiness: None
Music Geekiness: None

from the Your Geek Profile:

http://www.blogthings.com/howgeekyareyouquiz/

Dear Sirs,

I have the solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same

time getting our airline industry back on its feet.

Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women we should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman. Hijackings would end and the airline industry would have record sales

Why didn't Bush think of this?

Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton